


Under the Covers

by orphan_account



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Depression, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Panic Attacks, Secret Relationship, Sneaking Around, Top!Tyler, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Unrequited Love, bottom!josh, debby is a bitch oops sorry, halsey has a crush on brendon, hayley has a crush on josh, jock!tyler, other ships will be added later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-19 12:07:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 66,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9439538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: They had a foolproof plan in place:Argue. Wait to be alone. Make out.The rules were just as simple:Don't make it serious. Don't tell anyone. (and most importantly)DO NOT GET CAUGHT.





	1. introductions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to say this fic was inspired by 
> 
> Kiss and Tell by SunshineDaisiesWindmills on ff net. 
> 
> (Their's is a james x lily potter fic i read quite a few years ago but it really stuck with me so i wanted to explore making a joshler version i guess??)

Freshman Joshua Dun didn't have the best start to his high school life.

He had been semi-popular in middle school while he had been in a relationship with the prettiest girl in school; Debby. She was all doe eyes and pouty lips and she was sweeter than sugar it made for a winning combination. They were the closest thing to in love that two fourteen year olds could get, but only two weeks into the new school year they split up suddenly. Debby told her cheerleader friends it was because Josh was gay, needless to say the rumours spread. Each one more extravagant than the next;

"Did u hear about that freshman who got caught in a gay orgy."  
"I heard he was filming an illegal gay porno."  
"My mom says being gay is a sin, do you think he like worships the devil too?"  
"Did you hear about this freshman Jonny something, he's like a gay satanist how wild."

Josh felt the least they could do is get his name right but then he realised that most people outside of his school year also had no idea who he was and it allowed him to slowly shrink into the background. None of the rumours were true of course, but that didn't stop the basketball jocks from shouting slurs and slamming his slightly chubby fifteen year old body into lockers two minutes before the bell went.

The only good thing that came out of the drama was that he'd discovered who his real friends were, granted there were only four of them but he didn't need hundreds of friends anyway, no sir, just four; Colin, Hayley, Brendon and Ashley (not to be confused with his sister who was the year below him.)

The four of them often sat at the back of class or ate lunch in the art classrooms, they enjoyed each others company and the rest of the school seemed to find this fact disgusting enough to stare judgmentally.

Brendon and Ashley often skipped class to smoke on the roof of the science building which left Josh and Hayley alone in music class. Usually this wasn't much of an issue, if it wasn't for the fact that basketball tryouts and initiation were finally over and that meant new freshman had been chosen for the team. Freshman who were eager to prove the dumb jock stereotype was legitimate it seemed.

Just as everyone began packing away their instruments said "dumb jock" and his scrawny sniggering buddy approached Josh while Hayley was distracted stacking violins.

"Hey you're the faggot right?"

Josh ignored the guy as he worked on packing his trumpet away, his eyes flitting over to the drum kit, he wondered if Mr. Wentz would let him play them in his free period next, he'd have to ask.

"Hey, fairy boy, I'm talking to you, didn't your mom teach you it's rude to ignore someone." He spat, his greasy companion high-fiving him. Josh felt his fists clench as his attention was redirected towards the bully. He was taller than Josh as expected and Josh knew he wouldn't get far with violence, his mom did raise him well actually, well enough to know violence isn't the answer at least. He smirked as he looked up at his intimidator and replied.

"Yeah, didn't your mom ever teach you to use all three of your brain cells before you speak?"

"The fuck did you just say to me fag?" he stepped into Josh's way and suddenly Josh realised maybe he should've just walked away immediately.

"Thats enough Boyd." A soft voice came from behind the jock and everyone turned to see the new presence. "He's not worth getting kicked off the team for." They said and Josh didn't really feel relieved despite the fact that with a loud huff the jock and his sidekick were heading out of the classroom.

Josh felt a rush of air enter his lungs and then it was like he couldn't take enough in. Not now anxiety, he wanted to scream but he still couldn't seem to swallow enough air.

"Hey are you okay? Just breathe okay, in and out." Josh felt a hand on his arm and he looked up to see the guy who helped him counting breaths for him. When he got his breathing level Josh was finally able to recognise who his saviour was, he immediately flinched out of their grip.

"You're Tyler Joseph." He was still a little breathless. Tyler nodded but something about the gestured seemed sad. "Your-you're one of them, your dad's the principal, you're on the basketball team."

Before Tyler could speak Hayley reappeared.

"Why can't you stupid jocks just leave him the fuck alone honestly, go get a life you're pathetic." She spat before wrapping an arm around Josh and guiding him out of the music room, leaving Tyler stood in disbelief watching them leave.


	2. freshman year - part one

A few weeks later and Hayley fell sick with flu, leaving Josh to himself in a few of his classes. This is how he ended up on the roof of the science building looking for Ashley and Brendon, he’d hoped that they would be up there smoking as usual, maybe even with Colin but instead the roof appeared empty. Josh sighed and pulled his ugly beige beanie further over his ears as the autumn weather began to set in. Just as Josh was about to leave in defeat he caught movement in the corner of his eye and startled. He turned to see someone sat to the wall, rolling a basketball between their hands absent-mindedly. 

Josh doesn’t know what got into him but before he could stop himself he cautiously approached the figure and sat beside them. 

“Please don’t tell my dad.” The voice said weak and distant and Josh felt a sadness twinge in his chest. 

“I won’t.” Josh replied softly. Tyler sniffed and ran a hand through his fluffy hair, his fingers were red from the cold and he flexed them in attempt to keep blood flowing in them. 

The pair fell into a comfortable silence. 

“What makes you think I’d tell your dad?” Josh finally asked, the question burning in his mind. “You’re friends already threaten to beat the crap out of me, what good would be snitching on you do?”

Tyler seemed to flinch at the words. 

“Don’t say that.”

Josh finally turned to look at Tyler, really taking in the way his eyes looked sore and tired, his nose was red as he sniffed again, Tyler continued to roll the ball between his slender fingers. 

“I’m not like them, what they do it’s not cool.”

“It’s okay, they can’t help their beliefs.”

Tyler looked up at Josh then for a brief moment before he looked away again.

“That’s what I don’t get, God is supposed to be this all-loving creator so why would he create a gay person and then not love them?” Tyler asked the question to his ball, and Josh didn’t know what to say to that, honestly he’d been struggling with that question all summer and he’d been trying to push it away ever since. Tyler’s brows knitted together and he looked like he was dealing with a war inside his head, Josh could tell this question wasn’t the only thing plaguing Tyler but he didn’t want to pry, this was only the second time they’d ever spoken. 

The pair fell into another silence, Josh wasn’t sure if it was really comfortable, but it wasn’t exactly uncomfortable either. The faint sound of the bell rang in the distance pulling both boys from their reverie although neither one made to move. 

“Why-” Tyler hesitated before Josh hummed in approval to continue. “Why did you even come up here, I didn’t think many people knew about this.”

Josh smiled warmly. “I was looking for my friends they come here to bunk off and smoke.”

“Oh.” Tyler scrambled to his feet, after a moment of confusion Josh followed. “Sorry,” Tyler sniffed again, hiking his backpack over his shoulder while tucking the ball under his other arm. “I didn’t realise someone already claimed it, I’ll go somewhere else next time.” He began heading for the stairwell when Josh gently pulled on his sleeve. 

“It’s okay, you can use it to, we’re not assholes the roof is for everyone to use if they need it.” He smiled reassuringly and despite himself Tyler couldn’t help but mirror it. 

Just then Josh’s phone buzzed, he checked it to see Colin had texted to say they were in the music room. Josh let go of Tyler’s sleeve blushing as he realised he’d been holding it the entire time. “I’ll see you in class yeah?” Josh said waving his phone as indication that he had to go. Tyler just nodded, a sad smile washing over his features before he forced it to look friendly instead. 

-

Two days later and Hayley was back to being the picture of health. This was great news for Josh who had nearly every class with her, but not so much for Tyler it would seem. Josh put Hayley’s short fuse down to a number of factors; firstly, she was small, short and thin and for some reason people that small often tend to be twice as feisty; secondly, she was fiercely defensive of her friends on account of her massive heart, if you messed with them you messed with her simple as; thirdly, she had brothers, brothers who taught her to scrap first talk later because “life isn’t fair Hayley” one of them had said once when he’d eaten the last pop tart; and finally, she was a redhead, and coming from a family of redheads himself, Josh knew the hot-headed, feisty red-head stereotype far too well to know it wasn’t always just a stereotype. This being noted, it was easy to justify why Hayley was a firecracker just waiting to explode in the face of anyone who sought to get in her way. Poor Tyler never stood a chance. 

English class had just finished and Hayley was already worked up trying to get Mr Weekes to raise her grade on their last book report while Josh took his time packing up his things. Everyone else filed out pretty quickly, the jock Boyd making sure to corner Josh on his way out. 

“Better watch out Princess.” He snarled as he knocked all of Josh’s notes and pens onto the floor, before sniffing and stepping on the now dirty pages on his way out. Tyler was immediately at his side helping pick up the pages, Hayley still talking Weekes’ ear off. 

“Thanks.” Josh mumbled standing up and putting the crumpled notes In his bag. He knew he’d have to sort through them to see what damage had been done but two of the pages looked ripped and muddy and probably unsalvageable. Josh sighed. 

“Are you okay?” Tyler said in a small voice. Josh was about to nod and thank Tyler again when Hayley approached the pair -Mr. Weekes muttering something about needing an aspirin as he left the classroom- noting Josh’s ruined notes as he shakily put them away. 

“I thought I told you to leave him alone jackass.” Hayley spat, obviously thinking Tyler was to blame. 

“You know you really don’t have to be so rude.” Tyler snapped back before Josh could correct her, both Hayley and Josh’s heads turned to look at him in surprise. Josh gulped as he noted Hayley grit her teeth in annoyance. 

“Me being rude?! I’m not the dumb jock that won’t leave an innocent kid alone.” Josh wanted to remind Hayley he was older than her but he was stunned into silent fear as Tyler bit back again. 

“Yes, because all jocks are dumb and all punks are assholes right?”

“What did you just call me?”

“I didn’t call you anything but if the shoe fits.” Tyler replied smugly. This was bad, Josh couldn’t breathe suddenly as the pair continued to yell insults at one another. 

“Jerk.” Hayley spat.

“Bitch.” Tyler retaliated. 

“Dick.” Hayley almost hit Josh as she swung her bag hard over her shoulder. 

“PUNK.” Tyler snapped pushing Hayley over the edge. 

“Oh, fuck you asswipe, I’m done.” Josh had never seen Hayley so blindly angry in his life, it was like Tyler got under her skin in a way only jocks seemed to do. Hayley was so blinded by her determination to start a fist fight that she stormed right out the classroom without even checking that Josh was following. 

Josh didn’t move however, he simple clutched onto the desk as he tried to fight off the oncoming panic attack. Tyler took a deep breath before he realised Josh was still there. 

“Oh my gosh, Josh are you okay? I-I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have done that.” He reached out for Josh’s arm and Josh froze for a second before relaxing into his touch. “Just breathe okay?” Josh nodded as he let Tyler help him count his breathing for him. His head started to clear and Tyler pulled him into a tight hug. Josh hadn’t been expecting it but there was something so comforting about it that he instantly melted into Tyler’s touch. But then Tyler was pulling away and walking out of the room, leaving Josh to try to figure out where Hayley would’ve run off to.


	3. freshman year - part two

The next day Josh was suprised when he reached his locker to find freshly photocopied english notes had been pushed inside. Josh flipped through them realising they replaced the ones Boyd had ruined the day before and he couldn't help the small blush that crept up his face as his eyes fell on the sticky note attached to the front. 

"Sorry." was written in loopy writing that matched that of the notes and Josh knew instantly Tyler was to thank. 

"What's that?" Ashley peered over his shoulder, Josh jumped and just managed to pull the sticky note off before it could be spotted. 

"You scared me." Josh said before going about pulling out his books. "They're just some english notes someone copied for me." He said nonchalantly. 

Hayley, who'd arrived when Ashley had pulled them from his grasp. "Who did you even get these off I'm your only friend in Weekes' class." 

Ashley hit her on the arm with a scowl before going back to leaning against the lockers beside Josh. Josh sighed and took the notes back, tucking them neatly into his binder before packing them away. "I don't know Weekes gave me them." He lied, Hayley looked confused but a great lie presented itself. "He came back right after you and Tyler stormed out yesterday and said he'd get someone to copy them for this morning." 

Ashley scrunched her nose as she played with a strand of hair disinterestedly, "ew Tyler Joseph." 

"Right?" Hayley added blowing a stray hair out of her eyes. "He's so arrogant, thinks he's the shit cos his dad's the principal." 

"I mean he's cute to look at in a lost puppy kind of way." Ashley sighed as Josh slammed his locker shut, he wanted to say he hadn't noticed but he knew his cheeks were already tinged pink. The trio began walking to their next class. 

"As if." Hayley snorted. "Sewer rats can look cute in the right lighting doesn't mean they're not disgusting." 

"Come on Hayls." Josh started but she cut him off with a glare. 

"Josh you cannot be defending him right now." She said shocked, eyebrows raised. 

Josh just sighed in defeat, Hayley could be just as stubborn as Tyler when she wanted to be.   
.

The next day Josh and his friends all headed up to the roof to eat their lunch together but they stopped when they saw a figure huddled in the corner of the rooftop. 

"What's he doing here?" Hayley sneered. 

"Who?" Brendon replied half lit cigarette in his mouth turning to see where Hayley was looking. Ashley snatched the lighter from Brendon rolling her eyes. 

"Who cares?" She said before handing the lighter to Colin. 

"Hayley it doesn't matter he's just minding his own business." Josh said trying to turn the small red head around, but she was determined to say something. Before anyone could stop her she was storming over to him. When Josh realised the other three had no intentions of getting involved he rolled his eyes. 

"I'll go after her then." He snapped, Ashley gave him a sympathetic smile at the same time brendon shrugged and all three took simultaneous drags of their cigarettes. Josh followed after Hayley. 

"Leave." Hayley said to Tyler who looked up suprised. Josh just reaching them, giving Tyler a sympathetic look. 

"You don't own the roof." Tyler mumbled clearly not in the mood, Josh assumed he was up here for a similar reason to the other day. He tried to pull Hayley away but she shoved him off. 

"Yeah well you don't have own the whole school despite what your dad lets you think." She huffed folding her arms. 

"Hayls come on." Josh begged, turning back to his friends who were watching on hesitantly from across the roof as they finished their cigarettes. 

"No, what if he tells his dad on us." 

"Why do you have such a low opinion of me?" Tyler replied finally getting up on his feet. 

Hayley scoffed. "Well you're arrogant for starters, you and your friends constantly shout abuse at anyone who's different, harassing my friends, you think the whole world should just fall into your lap and honestly i'm sick of it." 

Tyler sniffed before stepping closer to her. "You don't know anything about me." 

"Asshole." Hayley spat. 

"Hayley." Josh warned, and the pair both looked to him, suddenly Josh felt sheepish under their intense gaze. 

"I better not catch you here again." Hayley pointed an accusing finger before she was walking over to join the others again. 

Tyler pulled his backpack on with a frustrated sigh, and Josh felt sorry for him. Right before Tyler stormed off the roof he muttered something just loud enough for Josh to hear. 

Josh gave a subtle nod before heading back to his friends, thankful that the exchange hadn't been noticed as Hayley was busy letting off steam, stealing the others attention. 

"Just ignore him babe." Ashley said slinking an arm round Hayley's shoulder. "Let's bunk off and go get chipotle?" She suggested and Brendon immediately jumped on at the opportunity. 

"Yes! Chipotle sounds so good right now." Colin and Hayley quickly agreed. 

"I can't come." Josh said, his friends all immediately dropped their smiles. "I have to finish some homework I'm so far behind and my mom will kill me if I don't pass my classes this semester. 

Ashley pouted moving off Hayley to squeeze his cheeks. "Poor Joshie." 

"That sucks dude." Colin added, as they all began to head off the roof, cigarettes finished. Brendon slung his arms around Josh and Ashley as they all began joking and heading down to the stairs. 

Josh split away from the group as they all headed off to get food. He headed into the bathroom hoping he heard Tyler right and he hadn't left him waiting too long. As soon as he was inside his eyes met Tyler's, who was leaning against the grimy wall. 

"Hey, are you okay?" Josh immediately asked as Tyler looked up at him. 

"Yeah, just a bad day I guess." He shrugged off. "Sorry, your friends are probably waiting for you I shouldn't have asked you to meet me." Tyler looked down as he scuffed the toe of his sneaker against the floor. 

"You're allowed to have bad days ya know." Josh replied softly. "Hayley doesn't know how to let things go sometimes she's stubborn but what she said about you it wasn't- she was wrong you're not like that, you're not who she said you were." 

Tyler doesn't know why he did it, not really but it just felt right, he pushed off the wall and pressed his lips to Josh's. Josh froze in shock and Tyler panicked, about to pull away before Josh was responding eagerly, pushing back. Tyler's touch was dizzying and Josh wasn't sure how he hadn't melted into a puddle as Tyler's back hit the wall and his nimble fingers threaded through his hair. Their lips worked against one another furiously battling for dominance as Tyler pushed them around until Josh hit the wall, his hands gripping his hips tightly, a small gasp escaped him but Tyler swallowed it. 

They eventually broke apart gasping for air, Josh's hair a mess that he tried to flatten back with shaky hands. The pair stood in silence for a minute before Tyler was grabbing his bag and running out the door leaving Josh dazed and confused.


	4. freshman year - part three

As Christmas break approached, Tyler and Josh hadn't been alone since their kiss in the bathroom several weeks ago. It didn't stop the pair from making goo-goo eyes at each other across the classroom, Josh blushing whenever Tyler smiled at him in the hall. 

He was desperate to get a chance to talk about what had happened between them, but he didn't realise the opportunity would arise so close to break, two days before in fact. 

Josh had just shut his locker and was about to head to his next class when a jock, most likely a friend of Boyd's, shoved him into the lockers hard, his cheek making contact with a lock cutting him just below the eye. Josh hissed as he slumped to the floor, the jock only laughed and carried on walking. 

"Pussy." He spat without turning back. 

Josh picked himself up off the floor, pressing a finger to his cheek and staring at the blood. On top of the fact that up until that moment his day hadn't exactly been the best, he'd had to skip breakfast, on account of his car failing to start this morning so instead of meeting Hayley at Dunkin' he'd had to get a his mom to drive him in. He'd dropped his math textbook in a puddle running late to class, Tyler had blanked him in all three of the classes they'd had together already and in all the chaos of the morning Josh had forgotten to pick up lunch money so he'd only eaten half of Ashley's sandwich and an apple Colin didn't want. Needless to say he was pretty fed up and very glad music was his last class of the day. 

"What happened to your face?!" Hayley hissed as Josh sad beside her, he shrugged as the bell went and the teacher began talking. 

After class, most students were quick to exit but Tyler made his way over to Josh, pretending to help put away the instruments. 

"Who did that to you." He whispered, not looking up. 

Josh shrugged again. "Don't know his name." 

"Josh-" 

"He shoved me into a locker, I cut my face on the lock, it's fine."

"It's not fine." Tyler replied angrily his fist clenching. 

"Hey asswipe, did you do this to him?" Hayley snapped pointing an accusatory finger at the cut on Josh's face. 

"Ya know, I have a name." Tyler replied, completely ignoring the question. 

"Sorry I don't speak dickhead." 

Tyler raised his eyebrows. "Could've fooled me." 

The sound of the stinging slap made Josh flinch. Hayley immediately walked away and Josh knew he should check on her because Hayley always hated herself after she lost control; she'd cried once after she'd gotten mad at her brothers and threw a burrito at them, he could only imagine how she'd feel now she had active,y hit someone even if she despised him. 

Tyler stood staring into space for a second and as much as Josh wanted to make sure Hayley was okay, Tyler was his concern right now. 

"I deserved that." Tyler finally said, his small voice only emphasising how empty the room was now. 

"Maybe." Josh said, still a little fed up with the day's events. 

Tyler looked at Josh then, hesitantly bringing a thumb up to inspect the cut on his face. 

"You've been avoiding me." Josh said shuffling closer to Tyler. Tyler shook his head. 

"Sorry, had to figure something out." Before Josh could ask Tyler lips were encapsulating his and Josh felt the same giddy butterflies he had the first time, opening his mouth almost instantly to let Tyler's tongue slip past his lips. It was urgent and needy and Josh pulled tightly at the back of Tyler's neck to keep him close like he was worried he would run away again. They finally pulled apart when neither one could breathe again. 

"Don't leave." Josh breathed out as they rested their foreheads against one another. Tyler shook his head, their noses bumping against each other. 

"I won't, I'm sorry." He promised. 

They stood there for what felt like hours but was probably only minutes. 

"I should probably make sure Hayley is okay." Josh resigned before kissing Tyler briefly. Tyler looked hurt but forced a smile of understanding. "I've known Hayley since I was six, she'll be beating herself up for weeks for hitting you. She just doesn't know you like I do, I mean you don't really help." 

Tyler sighed as he went to grab his back pack from across the room, Josh picking up his own as he did. "I know but I just wish she wouldn't stereotype me so quickly it-it gets to me." 

Josh pulled Tyler in for a hug. "I'll talk to her." Josh promised and Tyler kissed his nose in response, making the pair blush and smile. 

They stopped by the doorway and Tyler pulled on Josh's arm, before Josh could ask what he was doing Tyler had pulled a pen out of his pocket and began scribbling his number on to Josh's arm, Josh blushed and ducked his head before he was heading out the room and dialling Hayley's number.

.

_Unknown:_

Hey Jock! 

_Unknown:_

This is Josh idk if u got that..

_Tyler:_

Oh, Josh right! Sorry I don't talk to punks.

_josh:_

pfft who said anything about talking anyway, there's plenty of other things we can do instead

_Tyler:_

Stop trying to be cute. 

_Tyler:_

It's working.

Josh smiled to himself, before he turned his attention back to the movie he and his friends were watching, all five of them were sprawled out on and around the old couch in Colin's basement, watching the breakfast club on the tv. They'd ordered pizza on the promise that it would help both Hayley and Josh feel better. 

"We're so going as these guys for Halloween." Ashley said from where she was leaning against Brendon's shoulder, her feet in Josh's lap at the other end. 

"Yes, I call the jock." Brendon cheered. Hayley groaned. 

"Jock's are kind of a touchy subject right now Brendon." Colin laughed from where he was slumped on the floor by Josh's feet. Everyone laughed, except Josh who was fixated on his phone once again. 

"Who ya talking to Joshie?" Ashley whispered leaning forward when nudging Josh with her foot didn't seem to capture his attention. Colin looked up from the floor in interest. 

"Can't be a friend, we're your only friends." Colin patted his leg to show he was only joking. 

"Screw you guys I have other friends."

Everyone turned to look at him with a look of "yeah right". 

Before Josh could protest, Hayley shushed them all. 

"THIS IS THE BEST PART." She said excitedly, pepperoni falling off the pizza slice in her hand on onto the blankets. 

Next thing they knew they were all dancing round the room, mimicking the scene from the movie, using the couch as a substitute table. They fell on top of each other laughing and exhausted and Josh decided he really loved his friends, even if they were right, and they were his only ones, he couldn't have a better group of people in his life if he tried.


	5. freshman year - part four

"Josh?" Brendon clicked his fingers to bring Josh back into the room. "What's up with you dude, it's not even the first week back and you're zoning out, are you okay?" 

That was true, it was only wednesday of their first week back after christmas break. But Josh's head was elsewhere, Tyler hadn't text him in weeks, what had started off as cute texts had quickly faded as the gaps in Tyler's replies had gotten longer and longer until they'd stopped altogether leaving Josh convinced he had done something to upset Tyler. 

Tyler had been avoiding him too, until now that was. Now he was gesturing with his head for Josh to follow him, and Josh was staring after him, debating if it was a good idea. 

"Dude." Brendon said again. 

"Yeah, sorry just a lot on my mind I guess, look I gotta go do something so I'll see you in class okay?"

Before Brendon could even respond Josh was patting him on the shoulder and walking past him. He stared after him bewildered.

Josh thought he'd lost Tyler in the crowd of other students when he felt a hand yank him into empty classroom, the door shut behind him. 

"So you're talking to me now?" Josh said as he finally made eye contact with Tyler. 

"I'm sorry. I just-" he gave an exasperated sigh, one of his hands flying to his hair. "This isn't easy for me."

"And you think it's easy for me?" Josh scoffed. "I get hurled with abuse everyday because of Debby, by your friends." 

Tyler shuffled his feet refusing to look at Josh. "Sorry."

"It's okay."

"I should've been more open with you, I-I I'm not ready for a relationship, I'm still coming to terms with-with this." He gestured between them.

"and what is 'this' exactly?" Josh raised an eyebrow. 

"I don't know man i'm only fifteen, I'm still working on figuring myself out."

Josh nodded his understanding. 

There was an awkward silence before Tyler broke it. 

"C-can I kiss you?" He blushed as Josh looked up at him. 

Josh simply walked over and placed his lips to his, it was slow but urgent, like they knew anyone could come in and see them at any moment. 

"Maybe we could set some rules or something?"

Josh practically snorted before he realised Tyler was serious, looking up at him expectantly with big doe eyes. Josh bit his lip to keep from melting at how cute he looked. 

"Like what?"

"Like, we keep seeing each other like this, in private but it's not serious, no relationship, just our secret."

Josh huffed and folded his arms. That sounded terrible. 

"Not forever, just until, until I have it figured out. I-Josh I can't come out, my father he-" Josh knew what anxiety looked like all too well and he knew when someone was on a downward spiral. He immediately pulled Tyler's lanky frame into his shorter slightly chubbier one and shushed him.

"It's okay, I'm not gonna pressure you to do that Ty, heck I wouldn't be out if someone hadn't dragged me. If you don't want to be in a relationship then we won't be, it'll be our little secret." Josh promised before pecking Tyler on the forehead and pulling away. 

"Thanks." Tyler said and then the bell was going and Josh was slipping out the door. 

-

For the rest of their first year of high school, Tyler and Josh quickly fell into a rhythm of notes in lockers that lead to rooftop meetings, or occasionally Josh would pull Tyler into an empty classroom or Tyler would only need to approach Josh at the end of a lesson for Hayley to practically explode with anger and storm off. Sometimes Josh would get more anxious than he should and Tyler would be much more gentle, kissing him until he felt safe again, as apposed to their usually ferocious make out sessions. 

It quickly became Tyler's favourite routine; rile Hayley up (and on one occasion Ashley too); wait for them to storm off leaving the pair alone; kiss until he'd used up all the residual adrenaline; repeat a few days later. 

Foolproof. Josh's friends remained convinced Tyler was just another asshole jerk who hated Josh. Tyler's friends remained clueless and homophobic as ever. 

But by the time summer rolled around, the pair's meetings came to an abrupt stop, neither one arranging to meet the other, only occasionally texting here and there to make sure they were still friends. 

Josh's sixteenth birthday rolled around in June time. His mom agreed to let him get his ears pierced which Josh did, Colin and Ashley went with him getting their own piercings on their ears. Josh got Hayley to help him figure out the best way to go about stretching them out, he was already determined to get guages and his friends encouraged him to do it. 

"To Josh!" Brendon cheered as he held the red cup high above him. They'd all gathered in Colin's basement to celebrate Josh's birthday, Ashley stealing her mom's vodka to help liven up the party. "The oldest fucker I know." He slurred and Josh pouted. 

"You're a month older than me!" He protested but Brendon pretended not to hear. "Whatever," Josh slumped back on the couch, "at least I'm in the year below because I moved schools not because I got held back like _someone._ " Josh teased and everyone laughed and 'ooh'-ed at the statement. 

"I'll fight you Dun, I don't care if it's your birthday, I will." Brendon pointed an accusing finger before drinking more. Josh mirrored him, making eye contact over his cup and before they knew it they were racing to see who could finish their drink first. Brendon won. 

"Beer pong time!" Colin cheered as he pulled a case of beer from behind the couch. Everyone looked at him in bewilderment. "What?"

"Where the hell were you hiding that?" Ashley asked.

"Behind the couch why?" 

"Never mind that, where did you get it?" Hayley prodded.

"My brother got it for me."

"Well what are we waiting for!" Brendon clapped his hands together before getting up. He grabbed at Ashley swinging her round before placing her down on the couch so he could stand where she'd been sat ready to face off against Colin once they set up the game. 

Josh quickly realised he was not good at beer pong, he lost three games in a row, on the promise that birthday boys get to keep playing even if they lose. Josh could barely stand as he staggered to the toilet. 

He was just washing his hands, or trying to when he got a text. 

Tyler:

happy birthday.

He attempted a reply. 

josh:

tsahnks 

Tyler:

are you okay?

josh:

SO GRAETST

Tyler: 

are you drunk?

Frustrated with the fact he couldn't see enough to type Josh found himself leaning on the edge of the bath and calling Tyler. It was just about to ring out when he answered. 

"H-hello?" The voice was quiet. 

"Tyler it's my birthday!" Josh slurred excitedly, he heard a shaky laugh on the other end.

"I know." His voice was so quiet but there was a hint of a smile to his voice as Josh strained to hear it. 

"I wish I could kiss you." Josh sighed his brain not capable of filtering his words. 

He heard a small sob on the line followed by a sniffle. He almost missed it his alcohol addled brain sluggish to his senses. But the sound immediately sobered him up. 

"Tyler I'm so sorry I didn't mean to upset you." 

"Josh." His voice sounded strangled. "it's okay I-" 

"Tyler what's wrong?" He cursed how slurred his words were. 

"Nothing it's-" there were some more sobs as Tyler tried to force the words out. 

"Where are you right now?" 

"Josh-" 

"Tyler, where are you?" 

"At home." Tyler finally replied defeated. 

"Text me your address right now." 

"Josh-" 

"Tyler it's my birthday you have to do what I say, promise me when I hang up you'll give me your address?" 

There was silence and more sniffles before Tyler spoke. "O-okay." 

Josh hung up with a "I'll see you soon." He leant over the sink and began gulping water from the tap in a desperate need to sober up, splashing more water over his face. 

As soon as his phone buzzed with the address he realised it was only around the corner from his own house, which was only a short walk from Colin's also. 

Without a second thought Josh took off down the stairs and out the door. He ran and ran until he began to feel sick, so he stopped and walked hurriedly until he was standing outside the correct house. 

He pulled out his phone realising it was 3am and Hayley had tried to call him. 

He shot her a text explaining he went back to his house because his mom called demanding him home. She sent a frowny face back, but he ignored the notification in favour of calling Tyler again. 

"I'm outside." He said as soon as Tyler picked up. 

Before he could say anything else the front door opened just a crack and Tyler's timid features poked out the gap eyes scanning until they landed on Josh. 

Josh hung up and ran to the front door and slipped inside as Tyler quietly shut it behind him. 

"Where are your parents?" He whispered.

"Dad has a teachers conference in Milwaukee, he and my mom went. My aunt's asleep upstairs." 

Josh nodded as he took in the tear tracks on Tyler's face. Without another word Josh pulled Tyler into a hug, he stank of alcohol and his friends second hand smoke but Tyler couldn't help the safe feeling that washed over him at the contact. Josh was cold having left the house in such a hurry without his jacket but he quickly warmed up at the contact. 

Tyler clung so Josh hard his nails biting into his shoulder. 

"It's okay, I'm here." Josh soothed, carding a hand through Tyler's fluffy brown hair. 

"Sorry." Tyler sobbed into his neck, trying to be quiet and failing slightly. 

"No need, you're safe now okay." Josh promised pressing his lips on to Tyler's forehead. 

Without another word Tyler lifted his head to kiss Josh, a sigh escaping his lips as they relaxed into it. Josh tried his best to wipe Tyler's damp cheeks with the pads of his thumbs without breaking the slow move of their lips against one another. 

They stayed like that for a while until they had no choice but to part for air, breathing heavy in the darkness of Tyler's hallway. 

"Please don't leave." Tyler's broken voice almost got swallowed by the ringing silence but Josh caught it, pressing another kiss to his forehead. Tyler's eyes fluttered shut as he brought his hand up to encase the one Josh had cupping his cheek. 

"No where else I'd rather be." Josh replied sincerely. 

"My brother is at a friends house, you can stay in my room no one will know." Tyler assured.

Josh nodded before letting Tyler pulling him quietly up the stairs and into his bedroom. He shut the door before crawling under the covers. 

Josh awkwardly kicked off his shoes and climbed onto the bed. He hesitated but Tyler pulled down the covers to let him know it was okay to get in so he did. 

Tyler rested his head on Josh's shoulder as Josh slipped a hand under him to rub slow circles across his back. Tyler pressed a kiss to Josh's jaw before settling down and the pair fell asleep in each other's arms within minutes.


	6. sophomore year - part one

"I'm telling you they look good, stop playing with them." Hayley slapped Josh's hand away from his new gauges, as they crossed the school parking lot to enter the building. "Why are you even nervous anyway?" Hayley stopped dead almost hitting josh with what was left of her breakfast (a donut). "Is there someone you're trying to impress?" She gasped.  
Josh tried not to flush bright red before replying with a scoff. "No, it’s just the first day is all. I'm worried for Ash." Josh gestured towards his sister was on his other side, she crinkled her nose.  
"Yeah well no thanks, I'm a big girl I think I can handle high school." She replied and Hayley gave him a knowing look.  
"Oh you have so much to learn, little sis." Josh teased, pulling her into a headlock and ruffling her hair. she tried to shove him off but he kissed her forehead before releasing her. She rolled her eyes and huffed, brushing her hair back down, the moment she made eye contact with Josh however, she was smiling again, she shoved his shoulder. The trio laughed as Hayley pulled open the main door signalling the first day of sophomore year was officially underway.  
It was only about three hours before Tyler sought Josh out, practically yanking him into a janitor’s closet and shutting the door. Tyler pressed Josh up against it but the pair simply stared at each other.  
"Josh please talk to me."  
Josh simply stared, jaw tight, he refused to break first.  
"I'm so sorry." Tyler pulled on his sleeve and stepped closer in the already confined space.  
Josh refused to look at him, but he couldn't help the way his heart picked up its pace.  
"Look, I shouldn't have yelled at you, I-I freaked out and that's on me, I was wrong to push you away." Tyler said dejectedly looking down at where his hand lingered on Josh's wrist.  
Josh finally looked at him, sighing. "You were right I guess I shouldn't have tried to force you to be my boyfriend. We both said some stupid stuff I guess."  
Tyler looked up, wide doe eyes filled with hope, Josh felt his heart skip.  
"I don't want it to be serious." Tyler reminded Josh, he needed him to understand he wasn't ready yet. Josh sighed again. He knew he was only going to end up getting himself hurt but part of him was too obsessed with the taste of Tyler’s lips, too obsessed to let it go even if it meant destroying himself. Tyler was a drug and Josh was an addict, and he knew when the supply ran out his crash was going to be almighty but he was just too blinded by the high to care.  
He pulled Tyler in crashing their lips together as Tyler responded eagerly, pushing his tongue into Josh’s mouth causing the older brunette to moan. It grew heated quickly, fingers in hair, teeth clashing and suddenly Josh was rocking his hips almost involuntarily which caused Tyler to tense for a second before he was pushing Josh against the door harder, nails biting into his neck deliciously, their lips still working feverishly.  
They lost track of time kissing until they were breathless and then parting for a brief second before continuing again. Tyler stepped closer his leg pressing into Josh’s crotch and _oh_ Josh was definitely about to get a boner.  
“Tyl- _mmph._ ” He attempted to speak against Tyler’s lips, sensing he was trying to talk Tyler began attacking his neck instead. Josh felt like he was going to pass out, it was sensory overload. “T-Tyler.” He just managed to squeeze out. His fingers threaded into Tyler’s hair as he began sucking on Josh’s pulse point. Josh knew he was going to leave a mark and the thought brought him crashing back to reality. “Tyler” he said more firmly, but his body betrayed him, the sound wavered like a moan and Josh on instinct bared his neck for Tyler to suck a bruise into his skin. Tyler accidentally bit down onto his neck and the small squeak it pulled from Josh finally snapped Tyler out of his ministrations, he stepped back like their touch suddenly burned him, his face bright red. Both boys started at one another with hooded eyes panting heavily.  
“Sorry.” Tyler mumbled eyes fixed on the large red mark he’d left. He brushed it with his thumb and Josh shivered.  
“It’s okay.”  
Both of them smiled then, bursting into soft laughter. Josh pecked Tyler’s lips softly.  
“How the heck am I gonna justify wearing a scarf indoors in early September?” Josh said and Tyler flushed, embarrassment and guilt crossing his features. “Don’t worry, I’ll figure something out.” He said rubbing Tyler’s arm comfortingly.  
Just as Tyler was about to speak the bell went, startling the pair. They had no idea what time it was or what the bell was even supposed to indicate. With a bittersweet glance at one another Tyler was kissing Josh on his nose and shuffling passed him in the tight space and moving to open the door. He paused right before he opened it though, looking at Josh fondly.  
“Nice gauges, they suit you!” He smiled before flinging the door open and hurriedly fading into the sea of other students, leaving Josh a blushing hot mess. He rubbed his face with his hands groaning loudly. _He was so screwed._  
-  
“Josh I-” Ashley stopped dead in her tracks, she’d been approaching her friend at his locker to ask if he had the math homework questions when she saw the already purpling hickey on his neck. She caught his arm in a death grip her voice getting deathly quiet. “That’s a hickey.”  
“What?” Josh tried to laugh it off, like she was delusional.  
Her grip tightened and Josh yelped. She moved to poke it but he smacked her hand away with his free one. “That, right there. I know what a hickey looks like Joshua.”  
“Joshua? Who are you my mom?” He scoffed, but he made the mistake of making eye contact with her and her glare practically cut him in half.  
“Which guy did that to you?” She looked around them to see if anyone was listening. Josh just tried to use her distraction to pry her hand of him, it didn’t work and she pulled him towards her, he yelped like a cat who’s tail had been stepped on but she just continued to stare him down.  
“A-A guy didn’t…” He tried to lie.  
“Which girl then?” Ashley rolled her eyes impatiently still waiting for answers, Josh panicked. Suddenly Ashley’s eyes were wide, a look of horror and realisation on her face. Josh tensed. “Was it Debby? Oh, _please_ tell me you’re not gonna get back with her I actually will kill you if you do that, after everything she put you through Josh-”  
Josh put his free hand over her mouth.  
“Shut up. Look it was a guy, he’s not out yet and he doesn’t want people to know it’s not even serious okay.” It came out a whispered and rushed mess but Ashley nodded slowly, he death grip finally releasing him. Josh couldn't help the feeling of relief that flooded him, now that someone else knew about his secret, it had been eating him alive.  
Josh released his hand on her mouth slowly after she promised to keep it a secret.  
“So not even Hayley knows?” Ashley said slowly, picking at her nail polish as Josh shut his locker.  
“No. But I guess I’ll have no choice now.” Josh sighed rubbing his eyes. It was only the first day back how was he already this stressed, ah yes, a certain brown eyed jock might have something to do with the reason behind it.  
Ashley looked up at him, a wicked grin appearing on her face.  
“Oh no what is it?” Josh whined knowing this was probably a bad idea waiting to happen.  
“Well, you need a cover for your little lover there,” she gestured to the hickey and Josh instinctively placed a hand over it. “And I have a boy I want to make jealous so…” she trailed off biting her lip.  
“You want me to pretend we’re dating so you can make someone else jealous.” They began walking down the hallway.  
“Come on Joshie please?” Josh just looked straight ahead as he walked, Ashley having to jog to catch up at one point. “It’s not like we’re actually dating, no offence but you’re like my brother that would be so weird.” She scrunched her nose at the thought and Josh matched her expression with one of equal disgust. “But we’ve held hands before, we both know it doesn’t mean anything and then you can keep getting laid and I can hopefully snatch my dream guy.”  
_When she put it that way…_  
Josh sighed stopping in his tracks, he groaned and ran a hand through his hair before lacing his fingers with Ashley’s. “I’m not kissing you.” He huffed but she just looked at him like a kid in a candy store, kissing his cheek and hugging him with a squeal.  
Josh rolled his eyes but wrapped his free arm around her with a chuckle.  
“Also, don’t think I don’t know your crush is Brendon, you’re not very subtle.” Josh said when she pulled away. She froze her face flooding red, but Josh just laughed and pulled her along by the hand.  
_Oh Josh what on earth have you gotten yourself into now._  
_This was all Tyler Joseph’s fault. He was going to be the death of Josh, he just knew it._


	7. sophomore year - part two

Apparently the notion that Josh and Ashley were "dating" was something of a big deal. Like, the world was about to end or something. 

It started with lunch period, where for once Josh and his friends decided to brave the cafeteria - because Brendon and Colin almost got caught smoking on the roof earlier that day and staying in plain sight was usually the best way to convince teachers you're not up to something. Josh sat down opposite Hayley and Brendon and before he knew it Ashley was practically sitting on him, wrapping her arm around his neck. Josh just rolled his eyes and continued eating until hayley froze, gripping her plastic fork half way to her mouth, a grape still attached to it. 

"What the fuck is on your neck?" She asked staring. Brendon and Colin both looked over at him. 

Josh blushed bright red and stuttered, Ashley just rolled her eyes before combing a hand through Josh's hair. 

"It's called a hickey Hayley." she laughed. 

"I know that, but who gave it you?" She said dumbfounded turning back to Josh. 

Josh's heart was pounding a mile a minute but the subtle rub of Ashley's hand on his back was helping calm him immensely, she was a good friend, even when she was driving him head first into a train wreck. 

"I did." _whoop there it is._

"WHAT." Brendon shouted, throwing his head back in a hearty laugh. His face immediately dropping when he realised she wasn't joking. 

Hayley just stared at the pair and Josh winced at the sight. She looked like she was about to - 

"I just got carried away, my bad, sorry Joshie." She smiled fondly at him, kissing his cheek sloppily. 

_Snap._

_There it was,_ Hayley's fork snapping in two as her eye twitched. 

"This is not happening." She looked pale. Josh reached over the table to hold her wrist, gently prying the broken utensil from her iron grip. 

"Are you okay?" He winced when she stared passed him, nodding and then standing up and walking out, Colin assured he'd look after her jogging after her. 

"This is real? Like for real, real?" Brendon clarified. Ashley just snuggled in closer to him. 

"You betcha!" She smiled faux sweetly. 

"I wanna hear Josh say it." Brendon said folding his arms, challenging. 

"Uh, it's, we-we are dating yes." He said leaning into Ashley a little as though to put the point across. What was he doing?! 

Brendon raised his eyebrows but said nothing more than a "well, alright then." plopping back in his chair and continuing to pick at his lunch. 

After that Ashley held Josh's hand all the time, practically dragging him to classes, Josh's hickey combined with their newfound closeness causing everyone to put two and two together. 

The thing about Ashley was that, despite spending 90% of her time with her four friends and no one else, skipping class and smoking and just ignoring most people, there was no denying that she was attractive. Not only was she hot, with her long brown hair and wide eyes and high cheekbones, but she was often in detention for dress-code violations, she had a good body and she knew it. She knew she was pretty and it didn't seem to phase her that boys liked to stare, sometimes girls too, she enjoyed that. So when jocks heard the news, that the hottest girl in school (excluding half the cheer squad probably) was dating the same loser kid they'd been shoving into lockers for being gay they knew something couldn't be right. Naturally the first question people asked was "you're joking right?" and then after that they questioned where the source of this gay rumour had even started, because now they thought about it Josh never actually said he was gay he just hadn't denied it.

Needless to say that after a week or so Debby was standing over Josh's lunch table, her face sour but otherwise emotionless as she took in the four, five, _no six(!)_ love bites all over his neck -Tyler was getting a little possessive lately and it was all the reward Josh needed to keep playing pretend boyfriend with Ashley. 

"Everyone hates me because you can't keep it in your pants." Debby spat, fixing the bow on her ponytail. 

Josh just rolled his eyes, shifting Ashley on his lap -her bum was kinda bony not soft like Tyler's which he'd had his hands over not two hours ago- he was snapped back into reality by Debby speaking again. 

"Stop telling everyone I'm a liar Josh, we both know you wouldn't touch this slut with a long stick so I really doubt you're poking her with yours." 

Josh laughed, he actually laughed in her face because he finally got what that twitch in her eye was about, she was jealous. After a year of telling the whole school his only secret, not caring that she broke his heart or made sure the jocks made every single school day a living hell for him, she was actually jealous that he had a girlfriend now that wasn't her. 

"Debby I never lied to anyone, I told you I was bisexual, it means i like both girls and boys. You're the one who heard the word "gay" and ran a mile, you're the one who told the whole school a half truth and now you're paying for it 'sall." He sniffed and Ashley smiled at him encouragingly. "Oh and Ashley isn't a slut or whatever ugly nickname you want to throw at her, she's my best friend and she's the one who stood by me while you were turning the whole school against me, she's the one who picked me up off the floor when you dumped me there, please leave me and my _girlfriend_ alone." He smirked to himself as she stomped off red faced and angry. 

His friends all cheered valiantly as Josh placed a platonic kiss to Ashley's forehead. 

"Dude you kicked her ass, holy shit that was the best thing i've ever seen." Brendon stood up to high five him, which Josh did. 

Josh didn't get shoved into a locker once for the rest of that entire week, his standing up to Debby putting him further in everyone's favour and Debby further out of it. 

-

"Tyler." Josh moaned as Tyler sucked yet another bruise on his collarbone. "Tyler stop." Josh said pulling on his hair, Tyler looked up at him embarrassed and Josh couldn't help but kiss him, he looked so cute. He pulled away before it could get too carried away again. "You need to calm down on the hickeys Ashley is starting to get a reputation and I think Mr Weekes is one love bite away from a mental breakdown, he gave me detention the other day because my shirt rode up and he saw the ones you left on my stomach." Josh laughed and Tyler rubbed their noses together. 

"I'm sorry, I just want people to know you're mine." 

Josh's heart felt like it was going to burst, he quickly flipped them round in the tiny janitors closet so Tyler was pressed against the door. 

"Then date me." Josh growled brushing his nose against Tyler's. 

"Josh I-I can't." Tyler's breath caught in his throat as Josh stepped back, hurt but understanding. "Please don't..." he trailed off and Josh shook his head. 

"It's okay, you're not ready, it's okay." Josh soothed Tyler, placing a soft peck to his lips. A smirk formed on his face when he pulled back and Tyler almost choked on how attractive he looked. "Just because we're not public doesn't mean I can't get you back though." 

"Wha-" Before Tyler could finish Josh was tugging his jeans until they exposed his v lines, sitting dangerously low on his hips. Josh began sucking a mark into the sensitive flesh there and Tyler's legs felt like jell-o, he could barely hold himself up, Josh was so close to having his mouth on something else and if Tyler even looked down right now he just knew he would be hard as a rock. "J-josh." He said a hand threading through his hair, he was trying desperately to control his body, thinking about puppies drowning or his grandma or literally anything other than Josh's mouth. Josh hummed and Tyler felt it vibrate through his length he wanted to cry. "T-too close, ah, too much, hurts." He breathed out and Josh pulled away, satisfied with his handiwork. He kissed Tyler passionately once again leaving him breathless and yep, he was definitely hard. 

"See you later." He chuckled before opening the door and leaving Tyler a hot mess. 

"Fuck." 

-  
              
It was only a matter of time before the jocks were back to pushing Josh into lockers, seems one of them had finally found out the definition of bisexual does include liking the same gender and so the universe was restored to its natural order, although less jocks seemed to bother him now than before and some days he went without even being acknowledged. 

But this was good news for Tyler as it meant he could pick a fight with whoever Josh was with, which was more often than not Hayley. She was relatively easy to pick a fight with. Occasionally he wasn't and this sometimes added a new hurdle to the problem, but if it was Ashley he was usually okay, he enjoyed it even more given ahem recent events, he relished any chance to piss her off, but he'd never admit it was because he was jealous, no sir. His friend Ashley mind, his sister Ashley although just as fiercely protective didn't storm off afterwards or allow Josh chance to be alone, she knew him too well, knew he would need to be comforted and this only made her twice as vicious when Tyler held back on his exit to try to tell Josh silently (with a look) that he should follow him.

"You really shouldn't piss my sister off like that." Josh said against Tyler's mouth. 

"She called me an asshole." Tyler scoffed before his lips found Josh's again, working fiercly. 

"You walked straight into her and didn't apologise." Josh berated flipping them around so he had Tyler pushed up against the door of their favourite janitors closet. 

"Yeah, well your cuteness distracted me." Tyler teased and Josh rolled his eyes, he kissed Tyler again to distract him from the blush rising on his cheeks.

"You could've apologised." He said as Tyler's hands slid up to his hair. 

"I tried to!" 

Josh gave him a knowing look and Tyler shrunk against the door. 

"Can I make it up to you?" He stared at him with wide doe eyes, and Josh felt like all the air had been sucked out if the room, he nodded. 

Tyler's lips crashed against his once again, all teeth and tongue and desperate. His nails scratched Josh's scalp causing him to moan and move closer. 

Their legs bumped and Tyler pulled Josh closer. Before either one knew what was going on hands were slipping inside pants and Josh was coming undone to the feel of Tyler's slender fingers around him. It was far more intimate than anything they'd ever done before, Josh burying his head into the crook of Tyler's neck, gripping his shoulders and stifling whimpers. Tyler sucked another pretty bruise into his neck relishing in the feel of him falling apart under his touch. 

The reality set in as Josh panted hard, whole body shaking, slowly Tyler removed his hands from his clothes and reach weakly and blindly out for some toilet paper on one of the shelves. As he fumbled with it Josh realised how much he was shaking too, and took it from his hands, cleaning Tyler's fingers gently before going about cleaning up himself. He winced at the mess and realised he was probably going to have to go home and change. 

The pair stared at each other breathing hard for a second, before Tyler was shaking and panicking. 

"I'm s-sorry." 

Then he was running out of the closet, Josh hastily doing up his jeans and belt before trying to follow him, but Tyler was gone.


	8. sophomore year - part three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short filler, this is kinda shitty im sorry but things are (hopefully) gonna start to pick up now.

_josh:_

_are you okay???_

_pls talk to me_

_i'm so sorry if i pushed you into something you didn't want to do_

_Tyler:_

_josh it's okay._

_i didn't mean to scare you._

_i just, i needed to be alone for a bit._

_josh:_

_we won't ever do that again, i'm glad you're okay!_

_Tyler:_

_wait.._

_maybe i want to do it again?_

_josh:_

_really?_

_Tyler:_

_yes._

_josh:_

_meet me on the roof at lunch tomorrow, i want to hear you say it in person_

_Tyler:_

_really Josh, it's fine._

_josh:_

_then you wont mind meeting up then! :)_

_Tyler:_

_fine._

-

Josh burst onto the roof, the next day, startling Tyler who was hunched in the corner like always. 

Josh sat next to him panting hard.

"S-sorry Mr Weekes really hates me right now. He held me back after class to give me detention." 

Tyler winced when he realised that was probably his fault. He brushed a stray curl from Josh's eyes, before tracing some of the fading bruises on his throat with his fingers. Josh shivered.

"It's okay." Then Tyler was scrambling into his lap, knees bracketing his hips and he was smiling. "I missed you."

Josh blushed letting Tyler kiss him sweetly. Tyler placed a kiss to his forehead.

"Sorry I ran away yesterday." He mumbled into Josh's shoulder, resting his head there as Josh rubbed his back gently.

"It's okay but you need to talk to me, this is only going to work if we talk to each other." Josh replied and Tyler nodded, sighing and then lifting his head to make eye contact briefly before he looked down.

"I just, it all felt too real, I-." Josh could hear the break in his voice and moved a hand to his cheek, guiding him to look at his face. Tyler looked up tears in his eyes, he was shaking and crying within seconds of making eye contact. Josh pulled him into his chest shushing him softly and rubbings his back some more. Tyler's fingers clutched his shirt as he sobbed into it. "I'm so scared." He all but whispered out between sobs and Josh only clutched him harder.

"It's okay, it's gonna be okay. We won't do it again." Josh promised kissing the top of his head.

Tyler shifted to look at him, wiping his nose with his hoodie sleeve. "The problem isn't that we did it, it's that I want to do it again, I don't want to stop please."

"Ty-"

" _please._ " Tyler kissed him slowly his cheeks rubbery from tears and his mouth moving desperately. It took all of Josh's willpower to pull away.

"I'm not gonna be a reason you hate yourself Tyler, I-I care about you." Probably more than I should.

"You're not, I promise. This is scary and it's taking me a while to come to terms with it and yeah, I kinda hate myself. But when I'm with you it doesn't feel that way, it feels right. It's right with you." How could you be wrong, you're so perfect.

"If you're sure then okay, but no more running off, we face the consequences together okay?" Josh rubbed away left over tears with the pads of his thumb. Tyler nodded.

"I promise." He smiled before closing the gap between them, they both smiled into the kiss, laughing as they broke apart. Tyler's cheeks tinted pink and Josh felt his heart race, he was in too deep.

Just then, the door to the roof swung open violently, the pair scrambled apart and ran for cover round the corner of the stair well. They heard laughing.

Josh knew that laugh.

He peered round the corner to see Brendon lighting a cigarette, before wrapping his arms around a girl's shoulders. He couldn't make out her face and for a second he felt sure it was Ashley, their plan had worked!

Tyler gripped Josh's arm and he turned back to look at his confused face. Josh just put a finger to his lips to warn Tyler to keep quiet, Tyler nodded.

Josh turned back to see Brendon and the brunette he was with making out, only now he could see her properly, her hair looked almost black, and she looked like she might be wearing a cheerleading uniform. That wasn't Ashley. Josh felt Tyler lean over him to get a look but he lost his balance, having to pull Tyler into him as he fell against the wall and out of sight again.

Their chests were pressed up against one another, their faces inches apart and Tyler was staring at him with a look Josh couldn't quite determine but it made him flush bright red as his breath hitched. Tyler closed the gap and Josh thought he felt the earth stand still. It was some next level of emotions than he'd ever felt before.

Tyler pulled away when he could no longer breathe, looking back to see that Brendon and his companion were still kissing, in fact it looked like it was about to escalate as Brendon's hands moved to her ass. Josh cringed, grabbing Tyler's hand and sneaking round to the door, hoping not to be spotted. Immediately bolting down the stairs, Tyler keeping pace easily. They ran to the bathrooms where they'd had their first kiss before anyone could spot them.

They burst out into fits of laughter as they tried to catch their breath back.

"Who even was that?" Josh asked.

"I think it was Sarah."

"Debby's friend Sarah?" Josh crinkled his nose.

"Yeah, she's actually pretty cool, like her and Jenna are really nice." Josh looked at Tyler, as though he suddenly remembered he was talking to 'Basketball Jock Tyler Joseph' a guy he barely knew and it made his chest ache.

"Oh." Was all he could manage. Tyler looked like he was about to say something but he was interrupted by someone else coming into the bathroom. He ducked out of the room while Josh attempted to look like he had just left a stall, he couldn't help the sadness that sat in his chest.

Later on, as Josh stood by his car waiting for his friends, Brendon approached him, looking chipper as ever. Josh felt anger rising.

"Joshie my boy." Brendon slunk his arm over his shoulder but Josh shoved him off. "Woah, what's your deal?" He asked visibly hurt.

"I know about you and Sarah." He spoke through gritted teeth. Brendon's face fell.

"Okay, sorry i didn't tell you guys."

Josh rolled his eyes. "I don't care, I just can't believe you'd do that to Ashley." Josh huffed and shifted on his spot leaning against his car bonnet.

"What's this got to do with your girlfriend?" Brendon looked genuinely confused. Josh slapped him upside the head but cut him off before he could yelp out protests.

"She's only pretending to date me to make you jealous you moron. She's had a thing for you for like three years now it's literally so obvious what the fuck dude?!"

"She-she what?" Brendon stood dumbfounded, like this was genuinely news to him. "Oh shit, this is gonna break her heart."

"Well, she's not exactly gonna throw a party."Josh huffed again and Brendon grabbed his shoulders.

"Josh this is serious!" He shook Josh and Josh gave him a look of 'you don't say'. "Shit, man I really like Sarah, like it's only been a couple weeks since we started hooking up but like, I've never felt like this about a girl before dude it's kind of freaking me out. A-Ashley is like my sister, I love her but, oh god, she's gonna be so crushed when she finds out I-"

"You have to tell her." Josh said as he watched Bredon pace back and forth in front of him.

"I can't." Brendon stopped dead in his tracks. "Josh promise you won't tell her, please?!"

Josh looked horrified, he was tempted to slap Brendon but he didn't really want to get in a fist fight in the school parking lot. "Fine. But make it soon." He grumbled.

"I promise." Brendon assured just as Hayley and the others all headed out the school building.

-

"Earth to Josh?" Tyler waved his hand in Josh's face as he snapped out of his thoughts. 

"Sorry." Josh said finally looking at Tyler. 

"You okay?" 

"Yeah, jus' thinking." Josh sighed. 

"What about?" Tyler pressed placing a hand on his arm. 

Instead of answering Tyler honestly and feeling more miserable Josh decided to just enjoy the time he had where Tyler was all his. He quirked an eyebrow. "How cute your butt is."

Tyler scoffed but he couldn't hide the blush on his face. Josh pulled him in closer by the hips, kissing his nose. 

"You can't say stuff like that when I'm supposed to leave for practice." Tyler whined. Josh pouted at the idea that Tyler would leave him before they'd barely done more than kiss. 

"Can't you stay a bit longer?" He said between kisses down Tyler's jaw and neck. Tyler shuddered and thread his fingers through Josh's hair. 

"I want to." Tyler let out with a breathless moan. Josh smirked against his neck and kept peppering kisses against his smooth skin. "Maybe five minutes won't hurt." Tyler shrugged guiding Josh's lips back to his own. 

The kiss was intense as always, tongues exploring, heavy moans being swallowed as Josh's hands found their way into Tyler's pants and "shit, Josh" being moaned out as he began working Tyler slowly. 

"Don't stop." 

Tyler bit his lip hard as a sensation of pure bliss overcame him, like nothing else. Unable to stand that Josh was so collected in comparison, Tyler quickly tugged his jeans down until he was working Josh at the same pace, he bit down into Tyler's shoulder at the sudden pleasure and they both moaned hard. 

They kissed hard as they worked one another through their respective climaxes. They stood, foreheads pressed together, panting hard as they tried to gather some energy to move. 

"Wow." Tyler breathed out, he looked like he might start crying and Josh didn't know how to take that. 

"W-was it okay?" He asked sheepishly, reaching for toilet paper and cleaning both of them up. 

"Awful." Tyler deadpanned and Josh froze looking up at Tyler with wide eyes. Tyler immediately broke out into a hearty laugh before pulling Josh in for a kiss. "It was great, you idiot. Wonderful, perfect, fulfilled all my fantasies, shall I go on." He laughed between soft pecks to Josh's lips. Josh blushed and smiled, binning the gross tissues and tucking himself back into his pants, Tyler did the same. 

"But now I really have to go." Tyler said glancing at the time on his phone. Josh nodded understandingly before kissing Tyler again lazily. Tyler pulled away before he could get lost in the feel of Josh's lips against his own. "You're amazing." He sighed contentedly and Josh's heart almost leapt out of his chest. 

"You're not so bad yourself." Josh hummed back kissing him again, before letting him slip out the closet before he was late for basketball practice.


	9. sophomore year - part four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy valentine's day :D

_BRENDON THE GREATEST...:_

_Dude you at Colin's yet?_

_Joshuaaaa:_

_Yes?_

_also why the fuck is your name saved in my phone as "Brendon the greatest best friend, conqueror of kingdoms, destroyer of worlds"_

_i didn't even realise the character count allowed for that???_

_BRENDON THE GREATEST...:_

_HAHA. dude idfk probably changed it when i was drunk._

_ANYWAYS IMPORTANT FAVOR NEEDED BRO_

_Joshuaaaa:_

_oh god. what?_

_BRENDON THE GREATEST...:_

_Need you to sneak me in, i gotta change?_

_Joshuaaaa:_

_get changed in ur car?_

_BRENDON THE GREATEST...:_

_Can't. Mom needed it, hers broke down._

_Sarah just dropped me off._

_Joshuaaaa:_

_fine. back door._

-

Josh sighed before pulling himself off the ugly brown couch in Colin's basement.

"Going to the toilet." He mumbled over at his friends, who simply nodded and grunted their acknowledgement, way too encapsulated by a game of Mario Kart. Hayley (luigi) was dominating Colin (peach) and Ashley (yoshi) was lagging too far behind to catch up, pouting frustratedly as she slipped on another banana Colin planted.  
Josh shook his head at his friends’ concentration before slipping up the stairs and into Colin's kitchen. He unlocked the back door to find Brendon stood there waiting, in a shirt and jumper, his hair combed neatly.

"Thanks man." Brendon whispered as he slipped inside.

"Dude, you look-"

Brendon covered his mouth, eyes wide, checking to see if the others were about to walk in.

"Don't say a word." He warned quietly and Josh rolled his eyes and nodded, gesturing for Brendon to get off him already.

"What happened?" Josh asked as he followed Brendon through the house and up the stairs to where they knew Colin's bedroom was situated. Once inside, Brendon shut the door behind them and immediately began pulling off his clothes, Josh -who was used to Brendon stripping like this when drunk or sober or just whenever he felt like it- just sat on the bed staring at his lap.

"I met Sarah's parents, her dad wanted to meet me, something about seeing as though i stole her away for New Year’s they should at least see what I’m like."

Josh was surprised. "You met her parents already?"

Brendon shrugged on a t-shirt and began doing up the belt on his jeans. "Yeah, dude I told you, she's like the one or something. She said when we go back to school on   
Monday she wants to be like official and stuff." He sniffed as he began throwing his shirt and trousers into his backpack. He sat beside Josh as he began putting on his converse.

"That's great dude."

"Yeah, although she wants me to sit with all the jocks and everything at lunch I’m not too sure Hayley will like that."

"Really, surely you don't-"

"Dude, chill it's fine, ya know Tyler Joseph isn't so bad i mean the dude's actually pretty cool, we had him pegged totally wrong."

Josh almost choked at the name, he wanted to scream 'I TOLD YOU HE'S WONDERFUL, AMAZING, PERFECT EVERYTHING GOOD IN THE WORLD.' but he knew that wasn't a great idea, then the realisation that Brendon must've actually hung out with Tyler to come to this revelation hit him.

"You hung out with Tyler Joseph?" He asked instead, Brendon finished tying his laces and looked up to meet his gaze.

"Yeah, New Year’s Eve. Sarah didn't tell me we'd be double dating but it wasn't bad at all so I can't really complain."

"Wait? Double dating?" Josh felt his heart drop.

"Yeah, him and Jenna -i don't know if you know her- started seeing each other just before break started."

That explains why he's been avoiding me. Tyler hadn't spoken to Josh since the week before break and even then he'd not sought him out, and he'd not replied to any of   
Josh's texts, except for a quick 'merry Christmas' or 'happy new years'.

"They're a couple?" Josh asked, swallowing the lump in his throat. Brendon looked at him confused as he zipped up his bag and headed for the door.

"Dude, why do you care? are you okay?" Brendon furrowed his brows and Josh tried to pull himself together. He shook his care.

"I don't, just didn't realise 'sall." He shrugged. He got up and followed Brendon downstairs and towards the door for the basement. He stopped then, another thought crossing his mind.

"Wait." He grabbed Brendon's arm. "Have you told Ashley yet?"

Brendon gave him a sheepish look, before shaking his head. 

"You're a coward." Josh said before pushing past him and down into the basement. He really didn't feel like a party anymore. 

-

Josh skipped the first day back, he knew it would be a train wreck and he just wasn't in the mood. Instead he curled himself up into a ball and wrapped the sheets tightly around himself like a small cocoon and moped. His mother had taken one look at him and told him to just take the day off, she knew he wasn't feeling well emotionally even if his physical health said otherwise. 

"Only one day mind, you're not skipping again." She said sternly before kissing his forehead gently and giving him a worried smile. 

Around lunch period he got a text he wasn't expecting. 

_Tyler:_

_are you okay? you're not here_

Josh felt his heart beat wildly, but he was overwhelmed with frustration.

_josh:_

_oh so now you care?_

_Tyler:_

_ofc i do we're friends_

_aren't we?_

_josh:_

_friends don't tend to use each other as sex toys but okay_

_Tyler:_

_josh i never used you._

_i care about you a lot_

_please dont say that_

_josh:_

_yeah whatever_

_go use Jenna instead_

Josh threw his phone across the bed and curled further into his blankets, he willed himself not to cry as he felt his phone buzz again and again.

He was disturbed by a small knock on his window, he jumped and turned to see Ashley sitting outside his window smiling and waving a taco bell bag in her hands. Josh smiled and pulled himself out of bed to let her in, closing the window behind her and laughing as she immediately removed her shoes dumping her backpack and began wiggling into his bed. 

He sat next to her as she pulled the sheets around them, the smell coming from the bag in her hand was heavenly and Josh couldn't ignore the way his stomach growled. Ashley laughed handing him the bag. 

"I got your favourites, Hayley said you were taking a mental health day. She wanted to come too but her history test is worth some stupidly large percentage of her final grade so she couldn't, so you got me instead."

Josh kissed her on the forehead enthusiastically. "Have I ever told you, you're an angel." He grinned before tearing into his food. 

"Hey hand me my fries at least." Ashley laughed as Josh did so. He pulled a smaller bag out inspecting it.

"Donuts for dessert." Ashley smiled turning the bag to show the dunkin' donuts logo. 

"I think I'm in love with you." Josh said through a mouth full of food, Ashley laughed.

"Close your mouth, you." she rolled her eyes still laughing as Josh blushed embarrassed. "Just being a good fake girlfriend."

"If I had to be someone's fake boyfriend, I'm glad it's yours." Josh smiled as Ashley rested her head on Josh's shoulder. 

"I'm honoured." She smiled munching on some fries. "Woah." She said as something near her foot vibrated, she looked up to see it was Josh's phone, she reached for it. 

"Someone's popular." She teased. Josh was just quick enough to snatch the phone before she could see that he had 7 texts and 3 missed calls from Tyler. He turned his phone off and tossed it on the bed again. 

"Just Brendon." He joked and Ashley laughed.

"Typical."

For the rest of the day Ashley and Josh sat in his bed watching movies, joking about random things. At one point Ashley tried to see how many tampons she could fit on Josh's face, threading one through the lip ring he'd gotten before Christmas. They laughed even harder when his mom came home and walked in on them. 

"I leave you for one day Joshua." She said a look of fake horror on her face, but he heard her laughing as she left the room. 

Later, when they'd removed all the tampons from his face and settled down to watch a different movie, Ashley spoke up from where she was resting on his shoulder. 

"You know you can tell me anything right Joshie?"

Josh hummed. 

"I know you had that secret boyfriend, and I just-" she sat up to look at him properly. "Is he why you didn't want to go to school today?"

Before Josh knew it he was telling Ashley everything, just holding back enough detail for her to figure out who he was talking about, telling her about how he was scared to come out, but saying he didn't want to stop seeing each other, and then ignoring him and dating some other girl instead. 

"I feel used." Josh replied his chest aching. "I like him so much and now I feel like he just used me to experiment, like was that all I was? someone to get off with?" His voice broke as he tried to hold in his tears. Ashley rubbed his back soothingly.  

"I don't get it; this guy was acting like you were a couple." She said and Josh sighed heavily. 

"All those hickies and everything he kept giving me, he said it was so everyone knew i was his, b-but he didn't mean it did he?" Josh felt the tears fall silently over his cheeks, Ashley pulled him into her chest, resting her chin on top of his head.

"I'll kill him." She said but Josh just shook his head. 

"I just want to forget about it, please?" He sniffled as Ashley ran her fingers through his hair. 

"You'll always have me Joshie, and Hayley and Colin and Brendon. We mean it when we say we care okay?" Josh nodded as he pulled away to lie down in his bed again. Ashley snuggled up to him again as they continued watching the film. 

-

Josh could hear the footsteps behind him, he cursed himself for how his heart picked up at the sound. He’d know the sound of grey vans as they padded tentatively through the school hallways anywhere. He could feel Tyler staring into the back of his head, following him. 

When he’d finally turned his phone on yesterday evening, after Ashley had left he’d found he’d missed a total of 17 texts and 5 calls from Tyler, a new record considering over the holidays he could barely get the guy to say two words to him. 

Josh felt ticked off as he felt a hand push him into the bathrooms and into a stall. 

“Josh, please talk to me.” 

“Why, so you can tell me it didn’t mean anything to you?”

“That’s not true at all.” Tyler’s eyes were pleading but Josh only scoffed folding his arms and looking anywhere but directly at Tyler. 

“Josh, please let me explain.” When he was met with a stony silence, Tyler just continued. “M-my parents set us up, she goes to my church so they spent months trying to get us together and they seemed so set on it, and ya know Jenna isn’t bad, she’s lovely I like her but-”

“Do you love her?” Josh cut in. 

“What? No we’ve only been on like four dates how could I-”

“Does she put out like I do? More?” He sounded bitter and Tyler shied away from the interrogation. 

“Josh that’s not how I think about you-”

“Does she?” Josh pressed again, jaw clenched. 

“No. I don’t want her to I don’t ca-” He was cut off by Josh’s lips crashing onto his. Kissing with a lip ring was a new experience for both of them but it didn’t stop it from being the best kiss of Tyler’s entire life. He was breathless and dizzy and shit every feeling for Josh he’d tried desperately to bury over the break was swimming to the surface as Josh flooded his senses. 

“Does she kiss you like that?” Josh asked, and Tyler could see the hurt he was trying to hide, his chest ached.   
He shook his head trying desperately to breathe again. 

“We were never in a relationship Josh, I thought we agreed.” Tyler said and Josh looked hurt, bowing his head to hide the sadness. 

“Only because you refused to be.” Josh mumbled. “I wasn’t seeing anyone else, and until Jenna neither were you I thought.”

Tyler felt guilty, he pulled Josh closer kissing him again briefly. “I wasn’t seeing anyone either.”

Josh kissed him again hard, all teeth and tongue, immediately taking dominance as he pushed Tyler roughly up against the door of the stall. He began unbuckling Tyler’s belt as his lips left a hot wet trail down his neck. 

“W-what are you d-doing?” Tyler stuttered out with a low moan. 

“Showing you how she’ll never make you feel you feel this good.” Josh smirked before dropping to his knees and taking Tyler’s length into his mouth. 

-

Tyler broke up with Jenna the next day, and if you’d asked Josh why he seemed rather chipper after hearing the news he’d have probably told you it was because his mom bought him some new drumsticks, which wasn’t a total lie, he supposed.


	10. sophomore year - part five

It was a few weeks before Brendon and Sarah's relationship made it down the school grapevine. Ashley, hand-in-hand with Josh with Hayley dragging behind was walking to class when she froze. Josh immediately noticed her hand slip from his and followed her gaze to where Brendon was leaning over Sarah while she pulled books from her locker. She rolled her eyes playfully at whatever he said while she shut her locker and then he leant down to capture her lips in a sweet kiss before the pair sauntered off to class, Brendon's arm draped over her shoulders.

Ashley spun and was about to bolt out of the hallway in the opposite direction when Josh caught her by the waist pulling her back flush against his chest.

"Ashley." He hugged her as tight as he could, feeling her tremble, he placed a kiss to her hair to try and comfort her but she squeezed his arms hard.

"Let me go, Josh." She pleaded, her voice threatening to break. She squeezed him harder until her nails were biting his skin and he had to let go before she drew blood. 

Before he could even call out for her she was running down the corridor away from him.

Hayley put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "She just needs time." Josh cocked an eyebrow at her.

"She told you?"

Hayley nodded and Josh visibly relaxed knowing Hayley knew he wasn't actually with Ashley. "Although it still makes no sense why you'd agree to do that for her." Josh tensed.

"You know me, just can't say no to that puppy dog eye thing she does." He replied sheepishly, attempting to laugh the whole situation off.

"Fair enough." Hayley responded with a heavy sigh as they headed off to class. "I'll talk to her tonight or something." Josh nodded but he couldn't help the blood boiling anger he had for Brendon, he'd warned him not to hurt Ashley and Brendon had broken his promise not to.

At lunch time Josh found Brendon sat at a table in the cafeteria with Sarah and a cheerleader he recognised as the infamous Jenna. Driven by pure rage he stormed straight over, plopping down on Brendon's free side, straddling the bench, glaring at him.

Just as Brendon opened his mouth to speak Josh hit him upside the head, not hard enough to really hurt beyond a sting.

"Ow. Bro what the fuc-"

"You're a coward Brendon. I swear to God if Ashley goes through another episode because of you i will castrate you." Sarah stared wide-eyed at Josh as the pieces finally clicked into place for Brendon.

"Shit, is she okay?" he sounded genuinely concerned and Josh sighed the anger ebbing away into concern for his friends.

"I don't know she ran off earlier and i haven't heard from her since."

"Dude, i fucked up okay i know. I-I'll speak to her okay I’ll sort it?" Brendon pleaded as Sarah gave Jenna a confused look. Josh scoffed.

"Yeah whatever."

"Josh-" Brendon was cut off by three boys sliding into the table, two Josh had never spoken to but recognised as Tyler's teammates slid in next to Jenna, Josh stiffened when he realised the person sat beside him was Tyler.

"How are you today oh wonderful Jenna." The shorter more built of the two strangers asked pulling her into a side hug. She laughed biting into a carrot stick.

"I'm okay Michael how are you?"

"I'm better for seeing you." He teased and Jenna swatted at his shoulder as everyone laughed. Josh could practically feel the shame radiating off Brendon. Josh's own nerves getting a hold of him, just when he was about to leave he felt Tyler pushed against his back, he turned to see Another guy squishing onto the end of the bench as some more jocks filled the other side of the table. They gave Josh a weary look.

"Hey, you're Josh right?" Josh turned to a tall lanky guy with glasses that had arrived with Michael.

"I'm Nick." Josh nodded as everyone around the table introduced themselves, the guy next to Tyler announcing he was Mark before nudging Tyler flushed bright red because he realised as far as his friends knew he didn't know Josh.

Josh nodded, bouncing his leg to dispel the anxiety.

"Hey so i gotta ask?" Mark chirped up, causing Josh to attempt to swivel round and squish his leg under the table so he was sat facing everyone else.

"Sorry, go ahead." Josh let out a shaky breath his whole face red with embarrassment at how awkward he was being. He almost squeaked when he felt warm fingers latch onto his own under the table, his eyes flickered towards Tyler who was looking at the label on his water bottle like it was the most fascinating thing he'd ever read.

"I just wanted to ask what happened to the lip ring, like i saw you got it over break cos you're in my math class and i just wondered why you took it out?" Mark said a mouth full of food. Tyler nudged him rolling his eyes at the question.

Josh scanned the table to see they all were staring at him, he felt Tyler's hand squeeze harder and Josh couldn't help but feel something stir inside himself. These were Tyler's friends and they didn't seem like the other jocks, the ones who'd spent all of last year punching and kicking him as though they could literally 'beat the gay out of him' as one had so eloquently put. Heck, his own close friend was invited into the group like it was nothing and he seemed happy. So why was Tyler so afraid of their opinions. As though to prove a point Josh cleared his throat and sat up straight.

"Honestly?" He asked, ignoring the thrum of his heart as he felt the weight of Tyler against his side.

"Yeah, come on."  Michael pressed leaning closer in anticipation. Josh swallowed hard under the expectant eyes on him.

"Made it hard to suck dick." He shrugged. Tyler choked on his drink and dropped Josh's hand.

"Nice." Michael smirked as the others laughed.

"Wait," Jenna interrupted looking confused. Josh felt sure she was about to yell about how that's gay and you can't do that when she surprised him entirely. "I thought you had a girlfriend?"

Josh turned to look at Brendon pointedly. "We broke up."

The conversation then turned towards other things, Josh still wedged between a stressed Brendon and a freaked out Tyler. Josh couldn't take it anymore, he pulled out his phone to see Hayley and Colin were looking for him. He thanked every force up there that he had good friends.

"I have to go sorry." Josh stood, only then realising Tyler's hand had been on his thigh the entire time, the loss of heat causing him to almost drop back into his seat.

"Wait!" Michael stopped him. Josh raised an eyebrow. "You should come to the party after the big game, you're not that bad Dun." Josh nodded through the shock.

"Bring your ex she's hot!" Nick added causing Tyler to kick him under the table.

"You're an ass." Tyler added before the table burst into laughter. Josh smiled before turning to Brendon and saying he'd see him later.

-

The "big game" referred to the last basketball game of the season, and coincidentally the school year. It took place two weeks before the end of the semester, and turned the entire school into a patriotic mess. On any other occasion Josh might have hated it, but with Brendon being a solid excuse to go to the game. Brendon wanting to support his girlfriend and her squad; Josh wanting to watch Tyler all sweaty and breathless and totally dominating the other team but if you asked him he'd say Brendon needed company, especially after Hayley point blank refused to step foot in the gymnasium unless for gym class, or a gun to her skull.

The entire school was buzzing with excitement and the need to be distracted from the looming finals, and Josh couldn't deny he enjoyed the way the stress made Tyler extra frisky. He needed to take the edge off and Josh knew just how to help.

Josh was pretty sure they spent more times getting each other off in toilet stalls and janitors closets and empty classrooms than actually in their respective classes but he didn't mind, any time spent with Tyler was enough.

_Tyler:_

_Can you maybe come to the roof?_

_Never mind you're in class._

_Sorry._

_josh:_

_ty I’m coming, i couldn't reply til i got out_

_are you okay???_

_Tyler:_

_You didn't have to do that!_

_josh:_

_shut up yes i did_

Tyler ran a shaky hand through his hair as he pressed his head between his knees and willed the tightness in his chest to just go away. It was like his ribs were trying to push their way out of his skin, while simultaneously squeezing all of the air out of him.

He barely registered the roof door opening, until he was being scooped up into Josh's lap. He was reminded of Josh's birthday, when Josh had ran to his house at three am just to hold Tyler, and it only made a sob rip from Tyler's throat. He was so overwhelmed with the voices in his head, the constant fear of rejection from the people who matter most, the way his feelings for Josh just grew exponentially every time Josh smiled or kissed him or held him. Tyler knew he was standing on ice, and whichever direction he chose to step he would slip and fall, maybe even crack the ice on impact and sink too. He was so scared of the dark water beneath him, so scared of sinking until not even josh would bother to fish him out, until he drowned and faded from existence and Josh forgot him, his friends, his family pretending he never existed.  
Josh pulled him closer, placing a soft kiss into his hair, rubbing his back soothingly. "Shhh it's okay I’m here, I’m right here."

Tyler tried to breathe in time with Josh's instruction, counting for him.

"Ty?" Josh's voice was soft as he cupped Tyler's cheeks, rubbing away his tears and looking into his eyes. "What's wrong?"

Tyler only shook his head and cried harder, fingers curling tightly into Josh's grey nasa t-shirt.

"No talking then?" Josh asked wiping more tears with his thumbs. Tyler only took a shaky breath giving a weak node, eyes fluttering shut.

Josh pulled him in for a slow kiss, it was delicate and promised nothing but love and care and Tyler almost cried harder at the feeling of safety that washed over him.  
When they pulled apart Josh didn't hesitate to pull Tyler's head into the crook of his neck and hug him like the world was going to end. They stayed like that until the lunch bell went, just holding and being held and Tyler couldn't help but remember falling asleep in Josh's arms back in June, he had slept better then than any other night since he was a kid and that scared him.

The two pulled apart and Tyler rubbed his cheeks hoping his eyes weren't as red and puffy as he expected. Josh kissed his forehead and Tyler's heart fluttered in his chest.

"You're so pretty." he mumbles before freezing because Tyler did not want to say that out loud but Josh just scrunches up his nose and smiles with his tongue between his teeth and Tyler almost chokes because it's probably the cutest thing he's ever seen.

"You're not so bad yourself." Josh responds with a playful tug and the tufts of Tyler's fluffy brown hair.

"Sit with me at lunch?" Tyler asks shyly. Josh can't deny how happy the request makes him, the idea that Tyler is okay to be seen talking to him makes him want to whoop and throw his fist in the air like a bad '80s movie.

"Okay."

-

The big game was every bit as gruesome as expected. The other team were undefeated coming into it, but so was Tyler's. In the first half both teams struggled to pull ahead, every time the opposition scored, Tyler was right there scoring another basket until they drew, going into the second half however the opposing team had a 3 basket lead.

Tyler looked exhausted and Josh couldn't hide the worry he was feeling, Tyler was gonna burn himself out.

"Dude i can feel you worrying from here." Brendon commented not looking away from where the cheerleaders were doing their routine. His eyes following Sarah across the court as she cheered.

"Oh I'm fine don't worry about it." Josh tried to sound nonchalant but it only made Colin who was next to him scoff.

"I think I’m gonna go pee." He lied just to get out of there, he needed to calm down it was just a game.  
Josh headed down from the seats and headed down the tunnel where the players came from, and was just about to turn the opposite direction from the locker rooms towards the fire exit when he heard someone call his name.

He turned to see a sweaty, pink cheeked Tyler heading down the hall towards him.

"Tyler?" Josh asked confused. "What are you-"

"I was gonna get some fresh air, join me?" Tyler said walking past Josh and out the door. Josh didn't need to tell him that's already where he was going so he simply followed him out.

"You're doing so great out there." Josh said awkwardly, he stretched his arms above his head basking in the warm sunlight of approaching summer.

"Thanks." Tyler mumbled.

"No i mean it you're the best one out there for sure, y-you're amazing." Josh said excitedly watching the blush that appeared on Tyler's already flushed cheeks. 

"Stop." He laughed before pulling Josh in for a quick sloppy kiss that made Josh melt. The pair laughed lightly as they pulled apart. "Thanks for coming." Tyler smiled. 

"What makes you think I came for you?" Josh raised his eyebrows and for a second Tyler's mouth formed a little 'o' but changed when Josh started laughing. Tyler swat at his arm while rolling his eyes. 

"You're a real dipcrap, you know that?" Tyler teased.

"I'm a dipcrap." Josh laughed before the pair decided they had to go back inside for the rest of the game. 

"Good luck, n-not that you need it but still." Josh said awkwardly. 

"Thanks Josh." Tyler smiled before running back to the locker room. 

They won the game by one basket in the final minute, and maybe Josh cheered louder than the rest of the school combined, and maybe Tyler couldn't stop looking at him while he was being hiked into the air smiling wider than Josh had ever seen. Maybe Josh followed most of the stands as they surged onto the court to jump around, and maybe Tyler tried to shuffle closer to Josh in the crowd. One thing was certain though, Debby was definitely walking straight towards Josh. 


	11. sophomore year - part six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> small tw/ mention of being s*ck bc alcohol
> 
> this is kinda emotionally heavy oops but fluff is coming fear not!

“Josh, can we maybe talk?” Her voice was soft over the commotion of the crowd. She was jostled by people bouncing around in excitement, practically pushed into Josh, who held her upright by her elbows so as to keep her a safe distance, she smiled in thanks. 

“Not right now Debs.” Josh cursed himself for letting the old nickname slip out, a habit he felt sure he’d have broken. 

“Please, it’s imp-” Debby was cut off by Tyler ‘knocking’ into Josh. As if by instinct Josh immediately let go of Debby to hold Tyler on his feet. He smiled warmly at the brunette, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and ruffling his fluffy hair playfully. 

“There he is!” Josh said fondly. “Champion.” He cheered and a few other people whooped and hollered around them. 

Debby smiled weakly at the scene, catching Josh’s eye, she opened her mouth to speak, to try her sentence again but Tyler interrupted once again. 

“Come on,” He shoved playfully at Josh before turning to the crowd more, “Party time!” He shouted, knowing it would instantly cause the crowd, especially his teammates, to go wild. People began flooding out the gym, excitedly talking about the party, girls discussing what to wear, boys asking how they’re scoring beers. 

Debby got swallowed up by the crowd, her small frame practically crushed. Josh found Tyler pushed into him for a second, Tyler squeezing his hand so they wouldn’t get separated in the mass of bodies. 

He only felt Tyler’s hand slip from his when he was pushed directly into Colin, who smiled and clapped him on the shoulder. 

“We lost you.” He joked, Josh smiled back. 

“There you are.” Brendon said triumphantly, pushing through the flow of teenagers, Sarah clinging happily to his back as he held her up by her thighs. “Plan.” Brendon said, clicking his fingers before pointing at his best friends. “Meet at Colin’s, knock back a few beers, then head to main event?”

He raised his eyebrows expectantly, gaze flitting between the two boys, Josh shrugged before looking at Colin. 

“Sounds good.” He shrugged too. Brendon let out something akin to a battle cry, high fiving Colin, before adjusting Sarah on his back, she giggled and Josh’s chest ached in a way he never felt before. It was like seeing them together so happy felt bittersweet, he longed to be able to do that with Tyler, to be giddy and in love in public but he told himself he was happy just to have Tyler. 

-

Brendon was last to arrive at Colin’s, everyone else sat in the basement already holding drinks. Josh winced as he watched Ashley down her third cup of alcohol. She stumbled as she stood up trying to reach across the table to refill her cup. Josh intercepted her reaching hand and pulled her down into his lap. He could feel her heart beating erratically, and rubbed her back soothingly. She didn’t seem phased by Josh’s actions, leaning into him, resting her head on his shoulder and studying his profile. Josh just listened to Hayley and Colin talk about how Colin’s brother wanted to start a band and Colin was gonna play drums for them. 

Ashley suddenly brought a hand to grab at the tufts of Josh’s hair. Josh laughed in confusion trying to look at her while her hand held his head in place. “Joshie, we should dye your hair.” 

Hayley instantly perked up, “Oh my gosh yes, let’s all do it, I’ve been wanting to dye my hair for ages.”

“Me too!” Ashley said excitedly, sitting up. Her hand finally slipping out of Josh’s hair. 

Both girls looked at Josh expectantly, and he glanced at Colin in a silent plea for help, but Colin only smirked and raised his eyebrows in a ‘you’re on your own’ kind of way. Josh sighed as Ashley reached across for the alcohol again. 

“Okay sure, but not ‘til summer break because my mom will probably make me dye it back for school.” Both girls squealed excitedly, Ashley hugging Josh and sloshing some of her newly filled cup down Josh’s shoulder. 

Just then Brendon arrived, and Ashley quickly fell quiet. Josh squeezed her waist in comfort as the pair avoided eye contact. 

Colin diffused the tension by handing Brendon a beer, telling him to down it because they were already late. 

“Aye aye, captain!” Brendon said with faux sincerity before saluting and proceeding to down the drink. Ashley seemed to down her own drink at the same time and Josh exchanged worried looks with Hayley. 

-

As expected, this was no pizza-and-weed* movie night in Colin’s basement. (*the weed was for Brendon, Ashley and Colin) It seemed like half the school had tried to show up, teenagers spilling throughout the house, onto the front lawn and no doubt the back too. As Josh was lead through the house he found all the alcohol was situated in the kitchen, a giant punchbowl the centrepiece. Most of the alcohol looked ransacked and the air smelt of stale spirits and the faint fruity scent of cocktail mixers. The lounge had everyone sat in a circle, a game of spin the bottle taking place, along with some other drinking games Josh was more familiar with. The back yard had some more calming music playing from a wireless speaker, a few stoners sat around on the porch furniture. Some other were stood talking and smoking on the lawn. 

Josh focused on pouring himself a drink, Hayley sticking close to his side while Ashley immediately went to join the games. Brendon went off in search of Sarah and Colin found some people he knew to catch up with. 

Hayley sighed as Josh handed her a non-alcoholic drink. “Thanks.”

“What are we doing here?” Josh muttered, his anxiety flared as a couple that were making out furiously bumped into him. Hayley noticed Josh was shaking and lead him out onto the back porch, sitting on a chair away from the stoners. 

“Josh, we can leave? I can take you home?” She said, gesturing to her plain coke. Hayley and Josh usually took it in turns to be the designated driver neither one being massive drinkers. 

Josh shook his head swallowing down his anxiety. He pulled his phone out of his pocket when he felt it buzz.

_Tyler:_

_you here yet?_

_josh:_

_yeah r u?_

Josh was startled from gazing at his phone, the alcohol and poor lighting not helping him to read properly. 

“Hayls, Josh, this is Taylor.” Josh looked up to see a guy probably not much older than him with curly brown hair. He instantly started up a conversation with Hayley and Colin and Josh felt his phone buzz again. 

He took the opportunity to sneak off while his two friends were focused on this new kid. He opened his texts as he finished what was left in his cup. 

_Tyler:_

_i’ll come find you._

Josh shivered as the words came into focus, he kept manoeuvring through the crowd of dancing teens, he tried to spot Tyler in the crowd but he was too buzzed, everything was just a mess of bodies and shades of browns and pinks in the dimly lit corridors. 

He was in the main hallway of the house when he felt a thin arm hand grip his elbow, he smiled thinking Tyler had found him and turned smiling. His smile dropped when he realised it wasn’t Tyler but rather Debby. She looked at him with wide eyes. 

“Josh please can we talk?” Josh sighed but gestured for her to go ahead. She pulled him over to one side, leaning against the way and picking at the hem of her crop top. “I know I’ve been a massive bitch, and-and I was wrong.” She looked up at him to gauge his reaction, Josh simply stared in shock unable to force words out of his mouth at first. 

“No kidding.” He scoffed. Debby flinched but continued. 

“I just, I shouldn’t have freaked out the way I did, you trusted me and I thought I loved you and I just lashed out because I was bad at handling things and I thought you were trying to leave me for some guy and I’m so so sorry.”

Josh felt anger bubble in his veins. “Debby why are you doing this now?”

She looked up at him with her big eyes full of hurt, her brow furrowed. “Because after the fight we had over Ashley I just, I thought about it a lot and I realised I was wrong-”

“No I think you’ve realised that no one cares that I like boys anymore and you realised people see you badly now, so you’re trying to win back everyone. If you loved me, if you’d really loved me, you wouldn’t have been so cruel, and you would know that right here, is not the time to have this conversation, when I’m drunk and too nice for my own good and I’ll just accept anything you say. You didn’t love me Debby, we were kids, and hey if what you just said to me was genuine then that’s great that you’re finally accepting your mistakes, but I don’t have to forgive you Debs.”

Josh was panting hard from lack of taking a breath, his whole speech coming out a bit rushed. Debby just stood in shock for a minute, shaking. Her eyes were starting to water and maybe last year Josh would’ve tried to comfort her but not anymore, he was sick of being ashamed of who he was because other people had an issue with it. He was fed up of tiptoeing around things with people, Ashley had been destroyed by Brendon doing that with Sarah, every time he did it with Tyler he felt so empty afterwards, like the puzzle wasn’t quite complete and it was people like Debby that caused people like Tyler to be scared of coming out to the people they love, to be honest with them. 

“You’re not who I thought you were.” Debby snapped before pushing past him, obviously embarrassed. The words stung white hot like a slap across his cheek as they echoed the very words she’d said to him when he’d come out to her almost two years ago. 

“Josh?” The soft call of his name, gently tugged Josh back from the edge of oblivion. Tyler’s slender fingers danced across his arm as Tyler moved to occupy the space Debby had just occupied. 

“I-” Tyler instantly recognised the panic attack, he glanced around before pulling Josh by the wrist down the hall and up the stairs, obviously familiar with the layout of the house, he ducked between kissing teenagers and sweaty dancing bodies, past the main bathroom which was spilling over and round to a bedroom door, a sign on it said forbidden entry in messy handwriting, and once inside Josh realised the bedroom must belong to the parents of whoever’s house this was, Josh was about to protest but Tyler was pulling him into the small en-suite bathroom and locking the door. 

“This is Nick’s house, he won’t mind if we’re in here.” He said before pulling Josh into a hug, rubbing his back in warming circles. Josh swallowed back the mess of emotions rising in his chest, closing his eyes and trying to take deep breaths, focusing on the feel of Tyler’s fingertips dancing across his spine. 

Tyler moved Josh’s head in between both hands and stroked his cheeks with the pads of his thumbs, coaxing josh to open his eyes. “Are you gonna be okay? Do you feel like you’re gonna be sick?” His eyes were full of concern as Josh shook his head, biting his lip. 

Tyler nodded kissing Josh’s nose and smiling. “Hi.” He chuckled and Josh couldn’t help but mirror his giddy smile, feeling much calmer now. 

“Hi.” Josh replied before pressing forward to kiss Tyler. Their lips moved deliciously, Tyler’s tongue swiping Josh’s bottom lip, begging for entry which Josh allowed. 

It didn’t take long for the kiss to get heated, Josh fisting desperately at Tyler’s shirt pushing him back into the sink, Tyler’s own hands tugging beautifully at Josh’s hair. Josh let a low moan escape at the sensation and Tyler pushing his body further into Josh’s at the sound. 

Tyler’s jaw ached as they pushed together for another bruising kiss. He finally pulled away when he felt Josh trying to push his shirt up, insisting on taking it off. Tyler’s head was swimming, the taste of alcohol on Josh’s tongue mixed with his sheer want intoxicating. But he knew Josh wasn’t in the right mindset to be doing something he could regret. 

“Hey, hey.” Tyler mumbled against persistent lips. He pushed gently at Josh’s chest and Josh backed off. 

“Sorry.” Josh mumbled guiltily. Tyler pecked his lips, shaking his head with a gently smile. 

“Not that I don’t want it, I just think we should wait until you’re in a better place.” 

“Oh.” Josh replied, sighing and stepping back. 

Tyler suddenly felt exposed without the heat of Josh’s body on top of him but neither said anything for a second, both staring at spots on the wall to the left of one another. 

“When’s ‘next time’ then? Because I don’t know if I’ll ever be in a ‘better place’ but you seem to think there’ll be a next time.” Josh said slowly and Tyler’s confused gaze met his own unreadable one. 

“Of course there’s a next time? What are you talking about Josh?” Tyler went to step closer but Josh backed away slightly so he stopped. 

“Only that it’s about to be summer break, and any time we have a break you ignore me, or get a girlfriend...” Josh knew he was being unnecessarily spiteful but his chest ached something fierce after his conversation with Debby. 

“Josh-” Tyler felt so frustrated he wanted to cry but he didn’t. 

“No, it’s okay, really, I know I’m only relevant when you have me to hand.”

“ _Josh._ ” Tyler bit back, frustration turning to anger that Josh would think so little of Tyler like that, think so little of _himself_. 

“You’re scared to come out and I understand why, I would never ask you to come out unless you were ready, I’m not ever going to. But I am sick of secrets, I’ve seen how they destroy people Tyler and I’m scared I can feel it happening to me too.” Josh’s breathing had turned ragged and Tyler didn’t know what to say.   
“I-I’m not ready to-” he trailed off when he realised he wasn’t helping the situation. 

“I want to be able to hold your hand in public and kiss you whenever I want, which is kinda always because you’re perfect, and I want to be able to call you mine, I _need_ it. I tell myself that hiding in Janitor’s cupboards and dirty toilet stalls is enough because at least it’s something, _some_ time that I get to hold you and be with you, but now that we’re actually allowed to talk in public, to be friends without you shouting at my friends or my sister I don’t think I can be okay with it. You’re under my skin Tyler and it’s _fucking_ with my head so bad.” Tyler stared on, his mind a swirling storm as he tried to find a way to stop his chest from feeling like it was slowly tearing open. 

Tyler kissed him, it was all he could think to do, pulling him in by the face, he ignored the way a tear slipped down Josh’s cheek, ignored the way one fell down his own. Josh kissed back and Tyler could feel the way it felt like goodbye and he clung desperately refusing to let Josh leave him. 

“I-I can’t do this.” Josh breathed out, pulling away from Tyler. Tyler pushed their foreheads together, desperately holding him in place. More tears fell between them.   
“Please don’t say that, don’t leave me please. Stay, just stay please.” Tyler’s voice was barely a whisper and Josh cried harder. He pulled on Tyler’s wrist and Tyler shook his head. “No, /i>don’t do this Josh _please_.”

Josh closed his eyes and willed himself to stop crying to stop crying. He took a shaky breath before silently stepping away from Tyler and walking out the room. He didn’t look back, he couldn’t his whole body felt numb. 

Josh wiped the tears off his face, taking a deep breath through his nose before heading down the stairs. He walked through the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of what looked like cheap vodka, he unscrewed the lid and took a swig welcoming the burn of his throat. He made it out into the garden where he’d last seen his friends but he had no idea how long he’d been gone. His friends were no longer there so Josh sat on the porch steps and continued to drink. 

When Brendon found him, Josh was lay on the grass, half empty vodka bottle abandoned, staring up at the sky. As soon as Brendon pulled him to his feet, he swayed, leaning heavily on his shoulder. 

Brendon managed to guide Josh straight through the house and into the front yard where he finds Hayley’s waiting car. Colin immediately got out of the car to help Brendon escort Josh into the volvo, both boys sandwiching him into the backseat. Sarah climbs into the front seat with Hayley smiling awkwardly before the two try to start a friendly conversation, ignoring the worry they’re all feeling at Josh’s state. 

Josh pukes into a left-over McDonald’s bag Colin manages to find on the floor just in time while they’re half way to his house. Instantly Hayley pulls over and lets the two boys escort Josh to the roadside to heave the rest of his guts out. 

The moment Josh seems to have stopped they shove him back in the car, weary of being caught by cops, and Colin offers to stay with Josh over night to take care of him. Reluctantly, Hayley drives off with Sarah and Brendon. 

Josh never talks about that night again, his friends learn to accept that whatever happened after his conversation with Debby, he doesn’t want to talk about it.


	12. junior year - part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw/ more alcohol and more being sick :P
> 
> ALSO SMUT WARNING LMAO

“She really tried to apologise?” Hayley scoffed as she painted another thick stripe of bleach across Josh’s hair, it was a few weeks into the summer break already and once Josh had cleared it with his boss (having only worked at Guitar Centre for a little over a month) he had agreed to go over to Hayley’s house so they, along with Ashley, could dye their hair. 

Once all the bleach was applied to the top of Josh’s hair, the trio sat in the bathroom, Ashley on the toilet lid, Hayley perched on the edge of the bath, Josh sat next to the sink. The old towels wrapped over their shoulders were ripped and smelled a bit stale, but the bleach covered the smell pretty quickly. 

“I guess, I mean, I kinda didn’t accept it and then she ran off.” Josh ran a hand down his face, he felt as tired as Ashley looked. 

“You did the right thing Josh.” Hayley assured.

Josh shrugged, thankful when the conversation turned to something else. After not long it was time to wash the bleach out and once again Hayley helped Josh to apply the colour he’d chosen onto his hair, while Ashley dyed her own. They may have had a bit too much fun washing the colours out, getting dye all over their hands and necks, tinted water splashing all over the bath that Hayley moaned about having to clean up after the giggles had subsided. 

Afterwards Josh text Colin and Brendon to come over to Hayley’s house for their usual movie night, while Hayley went to call for pizza. Josh realised after a minute that Ashley hadn’t returned from the bathroom, he headed back upstairs to check on her. 

He found her stood staring at her expression in the mirror, her long hair now a bright blue. Josh felt his heart constrict when he noticed the scissors she was twizzling in her hands. 

“Ashley?” Josh said cautiously, telling himself he was the worst friend for not noticing how heartbreak had destroyed her. She didn’t seem to notice he was there before slowly holding the scissors up to her shoulder and grabbing her hair, before Josh could say a word she began cutting her hair Josh watched in awe as more blue strands fell into the sink.

With every cut the emptiness in her eyes seemed to fall away and once it was all roughly the same length she smiled, her first genuine smile in a while before turning to look at Josh. 

“I love it.” He said just as Hayley approached. She stopped dead at the sight, before taking the scissors and wordlessly neatening the back so it was cut more evenly. 

“C-can you cut me a fringe too?” Ashley asked and Hayley smiled warmly nodding and turning Ashley so she could pull hair onto her face. 

“There now we match.” Hayley cheered standing next to Ashley in the mirror, she smiled at their matching fringes. They hooked their pinkies together leaning into one another. 

“Best friends?” Ashley asked.

“Forever.” Hayley promised releasing their fingers in favour of a side hug. 

‘Hey!” Josh teased and let both girls pounce on his with hugs and laughter.

“We love you too Joshie.” Ashley promised. 

-

“Dude I love it, green suits you!” Brendon said as he and Colin inspected Josh’s new hair. Colin agreed pulling a cigarette pack from his pocket and letting Ashley take one.   
The two left to go outside and smoke.

“So there’s a party next weekend if you guys are up for it?” Brendon said to Josh and Hayley still staring at the bright yellow he’d already complimented. 

“Saturday?” Josh asked and Brendon nodded. 

Hayley shrugged, “I’ll be designated driver if you want, I have a family thing but sure.” She smiled and Josh reluctantly agreed, pretending not to notice the worried look the two gave him. 

-

The day of the party arrived sooner than Josh expected, and he started to think he’d made a mistake in agreeing to go, but when he arrived at Colin’s to find Ashley drunk already, he decided he would look after her at the party, so the others could have a good time. The purpose making it better to justify going. 

When they arrived at the party they found it much like the last one, only this time lots of people were outside around the pool, the summer evening still muggy. People were jumping in the pool fully clothed. Josh sat on the couch in the lounge where a make shift dancefloor had been made. Ashley sat between him and some guy Josh vaguely recognised from the year above. Josh nursed the drink Hayley brought him, people watching as Ashley chatted drunkenly with the guy next to her. Suddenly brown eyes met Josh’s across the room and Josh felt all the air get sucked out of his lungs. 

Josh had almost been so sucked in by the boy across the room that he missed Ashley take the strangers hand, he was about to lead her somewhere but Josh stood between them. 

“She’s taken.” He said firmly and the guy seemed pissed off but rolled his eyes and walked away. 

Just then both Josh and Ashley are greeted by Brendon and Sarah who are holding hands. Ashley immediately b-lines for the drinks and Josh apologises before following her. 

After that Josh spends most of the night holding Ashley into his side so she won’t run off with other guys, all while conveniently avoiding a certain brunette. 

He bumps into Michael and Mark who immediately make a deal out of his hair, the conversation is pleasant but he can feel them looking at the way his arm is hooked around Ashley, probably misreading it. 

Josh is forced to down another drink by the pair before they disappear into the crowd of teens cheering on someone doing a keg stand. Ashley steals what little drink he has left and downs it. 

“Hey.” He teases, but she just grins at him and he laughs. He doesn’t expect her to push him into the wall and kiss him, Josh freezes for a second to gather his bearings before pushing Ashley off him. “Ashley-” He’s cut off her a second attempt to kiss him, he can feel her tugging at his shirt and he pushes her away. “Ashley stop, you’re my friend I don’t want to get with you, you’re drunk.”

Hurt flashes over Ashley’s face before she’s running off. Josh tries to follow but he loses her in the mess of dancing teenagers, Brendon sweeping past him with Sarah tucked into his side. 

-

Tyler noticed someone sitting on the porch swing alone, he recognised it was Ashley, she had obviously been crying.

He walked over to the seat.

"Mind if i sit?"

"It's a free country... unless you’re black or a woman or-"

Tyler gave her a look and she immediately stopped rambling, sniffing and sitting upright. She downed the rest of her drink as Tyler plopped down into the space next to her.

"Are you okay?" he asked genuinely.

"The guy I’m in love with showed up with his girlfriend and i just tried to sleep with one of my best friends who was already too good for me, how do you think I’m doing?" She slurred out finishing with another sniff.

Albeit somewhat awkwardly, Tyler wrapped an arm around her.

"The person I think I love came here with someone else tonight too I guess. The circumstances are a little different, i guess but i can relate. They kinda hate me right now anyway." She looked up at him then, her brow furrowed.

"B-but you're Tyler Joseph isn't it like the rule that you get whoever you want?" Tyler shook his head at her words a bitter chuckle escaping his lips.

"Not really, they're kinda too good for me anyways but there's other reasons we can't be together." He said sadly, his own brow furrowed.

Ashley looked at him bemused. She snorted with disbelief before she looked like she was thinking. She lunged at Tyler obviously trying to kiss him but he turned his head in time so her lips came in contact with his cheek.

"Okay, you need to go home." He helped Ashley up as she slung her arms around him.

"I knew it!" She slurred out, Tyler helped walk her down the porch steps. "You like a boy that's why you can't be with him." She mumbled already starting to loll her head. Tyler froze.

Before he could speak Ashley squeezed his cheeks with her free hand, "don't worry tyty i like girls sometimes 'scool i won't say anything." She giggled before her face fell.  
Tyler anxiously turned her just in time for her to throw up in the bushes. He felt sorry for her, and he winced as she hurled her guts out, he gently pulled her hair off her face and held it while she continued to heave.

"Is she okay?" A familiar voice appeared behind the pair and Tyler turned to look at them.

"She will be." Tyler shuffled awkwardly as Ashley continued throwing up. "I didn't think you were talking to me."

"Tyler I-" He started but he was aware Ashley may hear, he glanced worriedly at her then back at Tyler.

"Josh you can say it in front of her." Tyler nudged and confusion flickered across Josh before he just continued anyways.

"I care about you; I want to be friends with you." Josh said blushing, and Tyler blushed too. Every feeling he’d tried to suppress flooding back at the sight of Tyler’s rosy cheeks.

Just then Ashley stood up, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Urgh, Joshie." She pouted and reached for him, he immediately let her lean on him despite the smell of vomit on her breath. "I’m breaking up with you." She scowled poking his chest. Josh chuckled.

"I'm heart broken." He joked, but Ashley only shifted to jump on his back, he took her weight easily.

"Let’s find Hayley so she can drive us home." He sighed.

"I can take you?" Tyler spoke up timidly.

"Are you sure?" Josh asked. Ashley already looked to be falling asleep on his shoulder.

"Yeah my car's just ‘round the block." Tyler smiled and Josh mirrored it.

Ashley rolled her tired eyes. "Just kiss already." She mumbled. Josh coughed awkwardly as Tyler immediately turned away and began walking in the direction of his car. Josh followed.

"We-we're not into each other." Josh lied and Ashley wiped her nose on his shoulder.

"Josh, he's the guy you've been seeing since last year, I’m drunk not stupid." she mumbled before snuggling back into his shoulder to sleep.

"Please don't tell anyone?"

"Of course." She smiled into his shoulder holding a pinkie out for him to briefly wrap with his own before he returned his hands to her legs holding her up.

They drove back in silence, no matter how much Josh wanted to cry because Tyler was half way through a death cab for cutie album that Josh had told him about. Tyler caught his eye and offered out his hand. Instinctually Josh turned to check if Ashley could see, she was asleep against the window, but Josh realised even if she wasn't he didn't have to hide, it made his heart pick up pace. Friends could hold hands, right? He laced his fingers with Tyler's as he gave him directions to Ashley's house.   
After awkwardly carrying Ashley to the door and knowing her father would be waiting up for her, Josh handed his friend over to her father and apologised for letting her get in such a state.

"It's okay Joshua." He said as he brushed a blue strand out of her eyes. "I know you kept her safe and that's all that matters, you're only a kid once." He smiled with his tired eyes and took her inside bidding Josh goodnight.

Tyler drove Josh home after that, holding his hand again. 

“I miss you.” Tyler said, barely a whisper, refusing to look at Josh, making his chest tight. 

They pulled up to Josh’s house, and held eye contact for the longest time. Josh’s chest ached, he’d missed Tyler too. 

"Do you want to stay the night?" Josh blushed his voice so quiet Tyler wasn't sure he heard it at first. But he nodded and followed Josh inside.

As they reached Josh's room, tip toeing inside and quickly stripping off their clothes, neither one knows who started it but they kissed slowly, sweetly. It reminded Josh of their kiss on the rooftop a year ago. They kept kissing, Tyler's mouth tracing down Josh's jaw and making more pretty purple bruises on his collarbone. Josh shivered and thread his fingers through Tyler's hair and guided his mouth back to his own and slipped his tongue inside. 

They stumbled back, completely naked, onto the bed. Fingernails biting at skin and tiny moans and whimpers slipping out as they parted their lips for seconds to take in a tiny bit more air. A draw was opened and some things taken out.

Tyler's fingers slipped inside Josh and he arched his back. Their bodies arched and rocked together and soon Tyler was slipping inside Josh, a hand raking through his green sweaty curls, desperately pushing their bodies as close together as he could, it was so intimate Tyler thought he might die if he didn't kiss Josh again, but if he did die the small whimpers coming from Josh -that he was causing- were the perfect last thing to hear.

"So beautiful." He breathed into Josh's open moaning mouth as their bodies rocked together. Josh just raked his nails down his back and pulled him in for a sloppy passionate kiss before they were both falling apart.

Tyler kissed all over Josh's face as his eyes fluttered shut from exhaustion, he smiled and Tyler felt his heart swell almost painfully. He pulled away from him gently, throwing the condom in his bin and pulling on his boxers. He pulled a clean pair for Josh from his drawer and slid them up his body. He used his old pair to clean his stomach and tossed it aside before Josh was pulling him on top of him again.

They smiled into the lazy kiss.

"Thank you." Josh whispered before pulling Tyler into him, rolling off the bed to lift the covers and then throwing him back on the bed. The pair laughed, trying not to wake Josh's family, as Josh slid into the bed next to Tyler. He pulled the comforter over them and Tyler burrowed into Josh's side. He kissed the tip of Josh's nose as they settled into the silence.

"Thank you, too." 

Josh rubbed their noses together, rolling onto his front so he was half on top of Tyler, their faces so close that Tyler just had to kiss him, it would be rude not to.  
They kissed lazily for a while, talking quietly until the adrenaline ran out and they snuggled together and fell asleep, just as the sun began to rise.


	13. junior year - part two

Tyler blinked open slowly around midday feeling the warmth radiating from where Josh was on top of him, his face pushed against his shoulder, his mouth was parted and Tyler could feel his breath ghosting across his chest giving him goose bumps. Tentatively Tyler lifted his right hand, the one not trapped under Josh, to brush green curls off his forehead, he ran his feather light touch down Josh's cheek before tracing the slope of his nose and running a knuckle along his jaw.

Tyler held his breath as Josh shifted slightly obviously rousing from sleep, he was so beautiful. Tyler felt like his whole body radiated warmth, a feeling only Josh ever seemed to provide him, without Josh there he was left in the cold, he felt heavy and tired like he was dragging his feet with every step he took. Tyler knew what it meant, he just didn't want to admit it to himself.

"That tickles." Came Josh's deep hum as he roused, Tyler blushed and withdrew his fingers that had been absentmindedly running over the lines in Josh's face. "Good morning" Josh mumbled shifting impossibly closer to Tyler.

Tyler closed the small gap kissing him, three words threatened to spill out of his mouth as they pulled apart but he urgently swallowed them.

"Last night was nice." Tyler hummed instead.

"It wasn't so bad." Josh joked and Tyler swatted his shoulder in mock offence. "It was amazing Ty." Josh added genuinely.

Tyler smiled and thought back to Josh's thanks the night before, realisation clicked into place as his sleepy brain finally came to terms with the nights events.

"Was that your first..." he trailed off. Josh nodded cautiously, nervous of Tyler's reaction. "Me too."

Josh gaped at him, making Tyler chuckle and play with a stray curl on Josh's forehead.

"You're kinda my first everything, except kiss maybe." Tyler said, cheeks dusted pink. Josh felt his heart swell with pride.

"Same." Josh said quietly, kissing Tyler's shoulder. He didn't add that he hoped Tyler was his last everything too, he knew he couldn't.

"Was Debby your first kiss?" Tyler asked, ignoring the burning feeling that told him he was jealous. Josh nodded.

"Who was yours?" Josh asked settling his head in the crook of Tyler's shoulder, he shifted onto his side, curling against Tyler, so Tyler could move his half numb arm out from under Josh to wrap around him instead.

"Her name was Mandy and she was my partner for the science fair and she only let me erupt the volcano if i kissed her." Josh chuckled and Tyler felt the vibrations rattle through his chest, his whole body tingled at the sensation and he couldn't help but laugh too. "I was twelve I didn't know she was gonna cut me with her braces." Josh winced, burying his head between his hand and Tyler's chest, his laughter picking up.

Soon laughing turned to kissing and kissing turned to slow grinding of hips and boxers being shed and before long Tyler was enveloped in the tight heat of Josh again as they moved slowly, every touch lingering as Josh lay on top of him kissing lazily, mouths ghosting over one another as they headed towards a blissful finish.

"You're so perfect." Tyler whispered, like it was his most treasured secret. Brushing sweaty loose curls off Josh's face as he lay against his chest sleepy-eyed and spent, Tyler still inside him.

"Tyler I-" love you. i love you. i love you. i love you.

"Joooosshhhh." The two broke apart instantly, rolling away from each other and neither one supressing the small yelps that were the result of Tyler being almost violently removed from inside Josh.

Josh's sister Ashley stopped dead in her tracks as she saw the two boys in the bed together. "Oh." She gawked as both boys tried not to look guilty and failed.

"Jeez, can't you knock?" Josh flushed bright red his embarrassment causing him to snap at his younger sister.

"Sorry, I'll a-I'll leave." She turned and was about to leave when she remembered why she came into the room in the first place. "Mom said get dressed because she's gone to pick Dad up from the airport."

Josh sat up rubbing his eyes. "Dad isn't home until this evening." He mumbled about to get out of bed before realising he was still very much naked and almost violently pulling the covers over himself making Tyler jump and his sister look at him with confusion.

"He got an earlier flight he'll be home in an hour so get your shit together. Is Tyler staying for lunch?" She glanced between the two boys who just stared at each other wide-eyed. Tyler opened his mouth to protest but Ashley cut him off with a small sigh. "I'll take it he's staying now get dressed." she turned and shut the door.

The two boys stared at each other. "Does she know that we..." Tyler trailed off.

"Probably assumes it," josh shrugged "but she won't tell anyone!" he added panicked that Tyler would freak out and leave again.

"Oh, okay." Tyler chewed at his lip as though in thought before looking back up at josh. "so where's your dad been?"

"Deployment, with the US Air Force." Josh scratched his head before shifting, wincing at the wet patch certain fluids were making. (a/n i cringed so hard writing that)

"Hm. You don't seem like an army brat." Tyler mused, pulling the covers further up to his chest suddenly self-conscious.

"I don't seem like a twink either but i still let you put your dick up my ass." Josh scoffed.

Tyler stared at Josh for a second and Josh panicked but then Tyler let out a hearty laugh, hand slapping his chest, body folding over. It was infectious and Josh couldn't help but blush and press his tongue between his teeth. They laughed until there were tears forming in soft crinkled eyes.

As the laughter died down the pair stared at one another. Something felt different between the pair, like some profound force of nature sucked them towards each other like magnets or gravity. A soft gasp fell from Josh's lips as Tyler pressed their mouths together. Tyler smiled into the kiss, and Josh couldn't help but mirror it, a low chuckle rumbling in his throat as they tried to keep kissing.

"What was that for?" Josh asked slightly breathless, finally rolling out of the bed and cringing at the sheets.

"You're cute when you laugh." Tyler shrugged before getting out of the bed too, he stared at the mess on the sheets wide eyed.

Josh blushed and pulled the comforter over the stain, blushing harder when he realised they were both standing naked in his room.

Josh glanced at the clock. "So... do you want to shower with me?"

Tyler hesitated and Josh stuttered. "Just shower."

Tyler smiled and nodded before kissing Josh on the nose. "I don't mind, just want you to be comfortable."

Josh's heart skipped. Smiling as he tangled his fingers with Tyler's tugging him towards his bathroom door.

After a longer than intended shower, drawn out my slow sweet make out sessions, Josh leant Tyler a clean change of clothes. As courtesy Tyler helped Josh to strip his bed sheets and the pair laughed and joked around.

Their laughter died out as the sound of the front door opening was heard. Josh clicking the start button on the washer, filthy sheets and Tyler's clothes shut firmly inside.

It was the sound of a male voice that made Josh freeze and Tyler's palms sweat, the realisation that he was meeting Josh's dad for the first time finally hitting him.

Josh sensed Tyler tense and squeezed his hand, clinging harder than usual and Tyler realised he was also freaking out but from a different kind of fear.

Just then Laura Dun and her husband Bill walked into the kitchen where Tyler and Josh were now standing. Josh immediately released Tyler's hand as his father's gaze fell onto him.

A large grin split across the older man, holding his arms open for his son to embrace him. Immediately Josh hugged his father, a small cough indicating he was trying not to get choked up at the reunion.

Josh's mom wiped a tear from her eye before rushing to the bottom of the staircase to call for her other children, leaving Tyler awkwardly watching on.

He shouldn't have encroached, should have just gone straight home and let Josh have his reunion. Before Tyler could think of an excuse to slip out Josh was pulling away from his father.

"Dad, this is Tyler." Josh smiled, rubbing his eyes and gesturing to the brunette.

Tyler smiled shyly, about to reach out to shake his hand when he was stopped by the squeal of a young girl who came bounding into the room almost knocking the man over. 

"Dad!" She squealed as he scooped her up into his arms. 

"Abigail princess, you've gotten so big, look at you!" He smiled fondly at the happy nine year old. 

Tyler stepped back again, trying to force himself into the corner as the other two Dun children ran into the room, immediately enveloping their father in hugs and kisses. 

Josh noticed the way Tyler tried to make himself invisible and for the briefest moment squeezed his hand with his own before dropping it. 

-

The Dun's plus Tyler sat around the dinner table, catching up on the past two years that their father had been deployed. 

His heart ached at how he was missing his children grow up but he knew that they were turning out to be great caring individuals and it only made his love for them and his wife grow tenfold. 

"So Tyler what are your intentions for my son?" Bill Dun sat back as Josh froze, fork scraping his plate uncomfortably. 

"Bill." Laura warned playfully.

"M-my intentions?" Tyler squeaked having almost choked on his potatoes. 

"You are his boyfriend, no?" Bill Dun continued. 

Josh swallowed his mouthful hard. "Mom, you told him?!" Josh said incredulously, while Tyler seemed to be shutting down out of panic. 

"I wrote to him about it a while ago." Josh's mother shrugged as though it was nothing and Josh scoffed, about to argue that it wasn't her right to do that when his father interrupted. 

"Josh, I love you, far be it from me to tell you who to love or date." Josh simply stared at his father begging himself not to cry, he smiled weakly. 

"So is Tyler your boyfriend?" Abigail spoke up, annoyed that the conversation had steered away from the topic. 

"No! W-we're just friends" Josh said far too quickly his whole face flushing. 

Ashley scoffed as she was about to scoop a forkful of peas into her mouth, pausing to speak. "Friends don't sleep naked together but okay.." 

"What?" "Excuse me?" Both of Josh's parents spoke at the same time.

"She's lying!" Josh replied far too flustered, Tyler still sat there unmoving, it was starting to get slightly unnerving.

"Am not!"

"Okay enough." Mrs. Dun said, her word final as all four Dun kids shrunk back into their seats. "No fighting at the dinner table, especially when we have company. And as for _you_ ," she turned to look at Josh sternly. "We will discuss last night later." 

Josh gulped his face still a bright red, just then Tyler seemed to wake up from his trance. He gently placed his hand on Josh's, Josh giving him a panicked look as though to warn him that his whole family can see, Tyler simply smiled. 

"I'm sorry Mrs. Dun, Mr. Dun for causing any trouble. I promise my intentions with Josh are good ones, h-he means a lot to me and i only want the best for him." 

Everyone stared for a second before Mr and Mrs Dun shared a knowing look and a smirk, especially when they saw the pure awe on Josh's face. Their son was in love.


	14. junior year - part three

After dinner Josh flopped down onto the sofa his head falling into Tyler's lap. He sighed heavily and Tyler chuckled. Josh squirmed a bit, nudging Tyler's hand with his head as a silent request, Tyler laughed as his hand came to thread through the soft curls on Josh's head. Josh hummed his appreciation settling further into Tyler's ministrations.

"You're like a cat." Tyler teased quietly.

Josh's lips twitched into a smile, "nothing wrong with cats."

"I guess, they're better than dogs." Josh nodded his agreement.

“Josh?” Tyler asked cautiously. Josh sat up to look at him with concern. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Do you think your family could- well, that they could maybe not tell anyone we’re dating?” Tyler refused to look up from where his hands were fiddling in his lap. 

“They won’t tell people Ty, they’re not like that but I’ll make sure.” Josh assured, lifting Tyler’s chin to make eye contact. 

“It’s just until I can tell my parents, I-I don’t know how to...” He trailed off, turning away from Josh again. 

“It’s okay, whenever you’re ready.” Josh assured him, kissing his cheek. Tyler scrunched up his face as he felt Josh continued to place sloppy kisses all over his face. 

“Stop.” Tyler laughed out but Josh only hummed in his throat and kept going. “Right, that’s it.” Tyler said before attacking Josh, knocking him onto the couch and tickling him mercilessly. 

They broke apart at the sound of a cough interrupting them. Both boys blushing with embarrassment as Tyler shot up off the couch, noticing the way Mrs. Dun looked at the pair from her folded arm stance in the doorway. 

“I think, maybe it’s time I should go home? My mom is probably waiting for me.” Tyler rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, trying not to look anywhere other than at Josh. 

Josh sat up nodding. 

“I’ll get your clothes.” He said with a cough, hoping his mother didn’t hear. 

Josh brushed awkwardly past his mother to get to the washer. He hoped his mother wouldn’t try to talk to Tyler but he knew she would. 

“Sorry for intruding Mrs. Dun, but you, uh, have a lovely home.” Tyler smiled, trying to remember all of his mother’s lectures on politeness. 

Mrs. Dun smiled warmly before stepping into the room. “Thank you for coming Tyler, it was nice to finally put a face to the boy Josh hasn’t stopped talking about.” She laughed at the way Tyler gaped at this new information. “Don’t worry dear, he only ever said good things, I knew you were special, he just lights up around you.”

“Oh, I’m really nothing special Mrs. Dun it’s your son who’s the special one.” Tyler flushed and looked down at his hands. 

“I couldn’t find one of your socks but you can just keep mine and I’ll find it later- what did you say to him?” Josh stopped in the doorway, finally looking up from the pile of clothes to see Tyler smiling at his feet and his mother giving him one of her knowing looks. 

“Oh, _Josh_ , try looking again.” She said, clearly wanting him to go away for a second so she could talk to Tyler some more. Josh narrowed his eyes at her, about to protest. “You are not letting him leave without his own clothes Joshua, now go.” She said and Josh placed the clothes down on the chair and scampered back to the machine.

“Sorry about that.” She smiled at Tyler. 

“Oh, no it’s fine really you didn’t have to…” he trailed off when he saw her sit down and pat the seat next to her. Gulping Tyler sat down beside her, still too scared to make eye contact. 

“I just wanted to thank you, Josh he- he’s not always the happiest and well, what with his father being gone, I think he’s forced himself to grow up too fast. All I can ask is that you keep him happy and safe and remind him what it’s like to be a kid and as far as I can tell you’re the reason he’s not been scared to go to school, even let him go to a party that wasn’t pizza in Colin’s basement, Lord knows what they get up to at the Rigsby’s but I dread to think.” She chuckled and Tyler copied nervously, he hadn’t been invited to Colin’s house before, nor did he expect it, just because he was close with Josh and Brendon and now Ashley didn’t mean he was in Hayley’s favour yet, and he’d barely said two words to Colin. 

He wasn’t cool enough to be in their social circle and his own was reserved for jocks and cheerleaders, but he didn’t mention this to Mrs. Dun and he certainly didn’t mention the fact that before last night Josh and he weren’t even speaking. But he took in what she’d said before about Josh being mature for his age and he had to agree, Josh always took care of Tyler first and himself second, always made them talk through things rationally. The way he smiled extra wide whenever Tyler gestured for him to sit at his table in the cafeteria, and how he always gave him that pretty smirk when Tyler would get extra handsy during one of their meetings. It made that warm feeling return, spreading all through Tyler’s body, like sunlight through a window when it hits bare skin, pure warmth, that finally thawed his frozen soul, only Josh could do that. 

Only Josh. 

“Mrs. Dun I- I care about Josh a lot, so much that I think I might even...” he trailed off not wanting to say those words quite yet but Mrs Dun nodded with a fond smile filling in the blank. “So much that I would scream it from the rooftops if I could, but, uh, my parents they don’t…”

“Don’t know that you like men?” She supplied and Tyler hesitated, he really hadn’t thought about it. 

“I don’t even know myself, I’ve never thought much about either gender but with Josh it’s- it’s _different_ , he- _he’s_ different you know?” Tyler said and Mrs. Dun’s smile widened.

Before either one could continue Josh re-entered, looking mildly stressed and sock-less. “I think the machine might have eaten it, I’m so sorry Tyler but I can buy you new ones?”

Tyler laughed as he stood up. “Honestly, it’s fine, just means I’ll have to steal yours.” He grinned and Josh immediately grinned too. 

“Right.” Tyler finally remembered himself, taking his clothes upstairs to Josh’s room and quickly changing. He headed down the stairs and met Josh by the front door. 

“Sorry about my family, they’re kinda intense.” Josh said awkwardly, but Tyler simply pulled his face in for a sweet kiss. 

“They were great, _you’re_ great.” Tyler said and Josh smiled letting his hands rest on Tyler’s hips, rubbing circles over his t-shirt. 

“No, _you’re_ the great one.” Josh smiled, rubbing their noses together. 

“You’re so cheesy” Tyler teased, causing Josh to quirk an eyebrow.

“Oh yeah?” He teased before he wrapped his arms around Tyler swinging him around in the small space of the hallway, making Tyler let out a less than masculine squeal. Both laughed before kissing passionately, neither one wanting to pull away first, but eventually they knew they had to. “See you later?” Tyler nodded eagerly. 

“Yes, definitely, _boyfriend._ ” Tyler added, trying the word out, it left butterflies in his chest as Josh pushed his tongue between his teeth in a blushing smile. 

“Okay, boyfriend.” Josh said back, loving the way the word tasted, but loving the taste of Tyler’s lips more, he pecked him lovingly one more time before finally releasing his grip and letting Tyler slip out the front door with a few more hesitant ‘bye’s. 

“Has he gone?” Mrs. Dun said popping her head into the doorway, Josh nodded sadly. “Oh good, now we can talk about you having your boyfriend staying in your bed _naked…. Joshua William Dun_. Josh winced as her voice raised an octave at the end. (He made a mental note to drop Ashley’s boyfriend Andrew’s name at the dinner table later, along with the fact that he caught his car outside the house at two am the other night…)

_josh:_

_My mom says you’re not allowed over without her knowledge anymore :(_

_I hate my sister_

_Tyler:_

_no you don’t..._

_josh:_

_True but thats not the point_

_Tyler:_

_are you pouting? I feel like you’re pouting?_

_if so it’s cute._

_josh:_

_Stop it_

_Anyways, I went to talk to my mom about not outing you and she said you already told her ???_

_She told me to tell you that if ever you needed to youre more than welcome to stay here for however long you needed :)_

_I think that means she likes you! :D_

_Tyler:_

_okay smiley calm down haha_

_but yeah I mentioned it while you were travelling to freaking Narnia in search of my socks._

_tell her thank you tho._

_josh:_

_Will do._

_And hey, any excuse to go to Narnia should not be turned away!_

_Tyler:_

_take me with you next time? Narnia sounds way more fun rn_

_josh:_

_Come back here then_

_Tyler:_

_:( wish I could but my mom is taking me to church to volunteer for the week or smth_

_josh:_

_Is it gross and mushy if I say I miss you already?_

_Tyler:_

_Yes_

_tell me anyway._


	15. junior year - part four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is basically just smut, and it's more descript that the previous smut i've written (in this story so far) so like just warning you now that it's there :)
> 
> (also theres a thing about a birthday card full of condoms in this chapter and i can confirm thats a real thing i witnessed in high school, the kid opened it at the front of class in front of my whole class and two teachers it was absolutely hilarious)

The last few weeks of summer break were spent with Tyler hanging out at Josh’s house, at one point setting up a system where Tyler drove from his job at the church to where Josh worked at guitar centre, picking him up and going to taco bell. The pair then proceeded to climb to the roof of the Walmart and looked out at downtown Columbus while the sun set. 

“I don’t think I could ever get tired of this view.” Josh sighed as Tyler put his head on his shoulder. He hummed in agreement as he shifted closer to get comfortable. 

“Do you ever think we could go on a real date?” Josh said cautiously after a long content silence. Tyler looked up then, moving his head off Josh. 

“You mean, Taco Bell and sunsets aren’t romantic enough for you?” Tyler gasped in fake shock. Josh rolled his eyes shoving Tyler playfully. 

“You know what I mean. Something cute and different and _special_.” Josh blushed looking down at his lap, suddenly fiddling with their leftover wrappers deciding he would clean up the mess but Tyler stopped him by placing his hand on his arm. 

“We may not be able to go on many proper dates in Columbus in case people we know see us.” Tyler warned, his eyes sad, and Josh just nodded sadly looking down again. 

Suddenly Tyler was pulling his face back up and pressing their lips together sweetly. There were those three words again, the ones he kept having to swallow back before they spilled out and made a mess everywhere. 

“We’ll figure something out.” Tyler promised as they pulled away and Josh’s face lit up in a smile before he kissed Tyler again under the orange glow of the sky. 

-

“Ty, where are you taking me?” Josh laughed fingers tracing over the fabric tied around Josh’s head covering his eyes (one of Tyler’s dad’s old ties that he wouldn’t miss for the day).

"You said you wanted a date, and well this place is kinda out of the way so no hiding, just us." Tyler smiled as he guided Josh forward, once they were inside the building he removed the blindfold from over Josh's eyes.

There wasn’t much there for a minute, but the noise told Josh there were animals somewhere in the building. Just a front desk and lots of animal adoption posters and suddenly Josh's heart stopped.

Jenna smiled up at Josh and he had to do a double take to make sure it was her.

"Jenna you work here?"

"Yep! Now come on your surprise is back here." She squealed excitedly before grabbing his wrist and practically dragging him down the hallway to a room, Tyler following behind.

"Ta Dah!" Jenna smiled with dramatic jazz hands as she gestured to the room. The room was a big square with two sides acting like a small walk around, the rest was walled off to Josh's waist, the walls made of Perspex so that if knelt you could still see inside the pen. Running around inside the pen was fifteen (maybe more kittens it was hard to count as the little balls of fluff ran around) playing with toys left out and bounding over the padded floor some knocking each other in their excitement to get to the glass to see the visitors.

Josh looked at Tyler in disbelief then to Jenna waiting for an explanation.

"C-can i pet them?" Josh said finally crawling down to look at the tiny creatures through the glass, pressing his fingers up to the Perspex where their tiny paws were pressed against it. He laughed at their tiny meows.

"If you take off your shoes you can go inside and play with them." Jenna said and Josh almost cried, ignoring Tyler's laughs as he practically threw his shoes off and climbed over the glass. He was instantly swarmed by fluff, pulling them onto his lap and stroking them, holding some on his shoulder, letting them climb and scramble all over his body, one braving the climb over his head.

"I'll come back in half an hour when your times up." Jenna smiled fondly at Josh's face before squeezing Tyler's arm and leaving. Tyler smiled at the sight before him, leaning over the wall on his elbows.

"I'm so happy right now." Josh said practically giddy. Tyler's heart swelled at the sight.

"Happy very-belated Birthday Josh." Tyler said and Josh finally tore his gaze off the kittens using his body as a climbing frame to look at Tyler.

"Tyler, I can never pay you back for this, thank you so much." He said his eyes shiny with emotion.

"Josh don't be silly I don't want to be payed back i just want you to be happy, you dumbass." Tyler smirked before looking down and noticing a black kitten with white paws that looked like socks was looking up at him expectantly. He hesitated but it meowed demandingly and he gave in, reaching down to stroke a finger between its ears, it purred pushing into his touch and he giggled. "Stupid thing" he muttered wishing he was saying it to the animal but he was saying it to himself for getting all soft not just for the small ball of fluff but for the big one he called his boyfriend too.

Josh basically ignored Tyler after that, all his attention and kisses going to the cats in his arms, Tyler took the opportunity to take pictures of Josh without him noticing but he did feel a slight bristle of jealousy as the cats proceeded to get more kisses and cuddles than Tyler had all week from Josh.

Tyler hadn't even noticed he'd been snuggling the black kitten from earlier almost aggressively until Jenna walked in and raised an eyebrow.

Tyler blushed a bit before sneaking a small peck onto its head before putting it down in the pen and stepping back with an awkward cough.

"Josh." Jenna said gently and he looked up from where he was lay on his front dragging a feather around that the cats were chasing.

"Hm?"

"Time's up I’m afraid but you're more than welcome to come back and see them again!" Jenna smiled sadly.  
Josh let out a dejected "oh". Before nodding and sitting up, he quickly tried to kiss as many kittens ‘goodbye’ as he could before carefully standing up and easing his way out of the pen, slipping his shoes on.

With one last longing glance and a soft goodbye Josh allowed Jenna to push him out of the room, Tyler in front of him.

Jenna said goodbye once they left the building and as soon as they were back into Tyler's car Josh was pulling him over the console to kiss him heatedly. Tyler responded as soon as he got over the shock. When they had to break for air Josh began peppering kisses all over Tyler's face making him laugh.

"Stop." He laughed as Josh continued going, laughing too.

"Tyler, that was- that was the best. I can't believe you did that! I-" Josh took a deep breath looking back at Tyler their eyes meeting in an intense gaze. "I love you." 

Tyler felt sure the earth had stopped moving and then began spinning ten times faster, his heart rattled at his ribcage like a prisoner with a tin can, begging to be let out so it could leap into Josh’s hands. As though realising it couldn’t escape that way it seemed to get stuck in his throat, and _hey, since when did it get so hot in this car?_

“Josh.” Tyler finally breathed out after what felt like an eternity, he couldn’t breathe and then suddenly the pressure in his chest just dissipated because he was letting out the words he’d be stuffing back down for so long, as though they were what had been plugging up his air ways. “I love you.” It was a whisper but it was there and Josh heard it, surging forward to pull Tyler into a bruising kiss, lips sticking and hands gripping desperately at his cheeks and a frustrated whine escaping Tyler because they were not close enough with this stupid console in the way. 

Getting the hint, Josh scrambled over the console, straddling Tyler’s lap careful not to bump the horn but also refusing to remove their lips from one another, like they were each other’s last oxygen supply. 

Tyler pulled Josh closer, hands wrapping firmly around the tops of his thighs, almost on his ass. Josh moaned as they were pressed together, moving his hands from 

Tyler’s hair to guide his hands to his ass, letting him knead the soft flesh through his jeans as Josh ground his hips. The action ripped a moan from Tyler causing them to finally break for air. 

Panting hard, they rested their foreheads together as Josh ground his hips again, letting his crotch drag across Tyler’s. “Say it again.” Tyler said through laboured breaths and swallowed moans. 

“I love you.” Josh kissed him again, before moving to kiss along his jaw and down his neck. “I love you” he repeated every few kisses, as Tyler threw his head back to give Josh better access. 

He pulled his ass closer, letting their hardening crotches brush again. “Fuck, I love you so much Josh.” Tyler breathed out and Josh immediately attacked his lips again, biting down on Tyler’s bottom lip and pulling a bit, causing another moan to rip from the brunette. 

“How quickly do you think you can drive to my house?” Josh asked desperately, hands gripping the car seat over Tyler’s shoulders as he worked his hips in slow circles.   
Tyler could barely think straight but he forced his brain to find a response. 

“Maybe 30 minutes?” Tyler swallowed hard, his whole body hot with pleasure. He whimpered as Josh ripped himself out of his lap and sat back in the passenger seat, clicking his seat belt in place. 

“Let’s go then, my parents aren’t home for another two hours.” He said, looking at Tyler expectantly. Tyler processed the situation before jumping into action, pulling on his belt and starting the engine. 

Josh only had to remind Tyler of the speed limit and the cost of speeding three times, which was impressive because Tyler looked like he might explode from desperation, and Josh couldn’t blame him, he felt much the same. 

Josh almost fell out of the car, and Tyler nearly left his keys inside it, but remembered right before almost smacking Josh with the door as he flung it open. They laughed at how ridiculously desperate they were being as they almost tripped up the stairs in their haste. 

But then Josh was shutting his bedroom door and yanking at Tyler’s t-shirt enough to almost rip it, both giggling like little girls as they practically tore clothing off one another, desperate to feel their skin brush together, or more likely stick together a bit in the mid-august heat. 

Tyler tugged on Josh’s almost blond hair, the green washing out significantly in the passing weeks. Crashing their lips together, tongues melding and Josh trailed his hands over Tyler’s bare skin raising goose bumps where his fingertips danced.

Josh moaned as he felt Tyler’s hand wrap around his now fully hard length, resting his head on Tyler’s shoulder before a better idea presented itself. He dipped his head letting his teeth catch on the sensitive skin around Tyler’s nipple, causing the brunette to gasp and shiver. 

Josh pushed Tyler’s hand away so he could push Tyler back with a searing kiss, guiding him by the push of his mouth until he fell backwards on the bed. Josh immediately moved to straddle him, leaving a trail of wet kisses down from Tyler’s chin to his belly button. 

“Wanna ride you.” Josh mumbled as he mouthed at the skin of Tyler’s upper thighs. Tyler couldn’t gain a coherent thought, the words going straight to his dick, making it practically leak. 

He nodded frantically when he noticed Josh looking at him with questioning eyes. “ _God yes_ , baby, anything you want.”  
Josh whimpered at the pet name before taking all of Tyler’s length into his mouth without warning, quick to relax his throat in time as Tyler bucked automatically with a yelp at the sudden tight wet heat. 

One of Tyler’s hands thread through Josh’s curls as Josh began bobbing his head up and down. Every time Tyler pulled a bit harder than he meant to Josh moaned and it spurred them both on to keep going until Tyler felt like he was about erupt with euphoria, then he huffed desperately. “J-Josh gonna- stop.” Josh immediately pulled off, wiping the spit that had slipped down his chin off with the back of his hand. He immediately welcomed Tyler’s tongue into his mouth as they kissed once again, Tyler flipping them over so he could, leave deep purple bruises all over his collarbones. Josh moaned and let his eyelids flutter, it was the most beautiful sight Tyler had ever seen. He kissed all over Josh’s face gently and moved down Josh’s body, licking a stripe along Josh’s cock. 

Josh flinched as he choked on a moan, and he nearly kneed Tyler in the chest the pair burst out laughing, Josh trying to take a deep breath. 

“Relax baby.” Tyler soothed, settling between Josh’s thighs. Tyler moved his one hand to grapple for Josh’s, latching their fingers together and squeezing as he licked a stripe over Josh’s hole. Josh bucked his hips and whined as Tyler began stretching him open with his tongue, before long slipping in a finger from his free hand. Josh arched and keened and tried not to beg too loudly for _more more more_. 

“Ty.” Josh whined, squeezing and pulling on Tyler’s hand to get him to stop his ministrations. Tyler laughed as he moved back up Josh body. 

“Can I kiss you or is that too gross?” He asked, both panting hard and Josh nods frantically. 

“Disgusting.” He says but he’s smiling and pulling Tyler’s lips down onto his, smiling into the kiss, knocking their teeth at first. 

At some point they got lost in the kiss, before Josh was fumbling blindly through his nightstand for the lube and condoms that Brendon had bought him for his birthday (he’d stuffed what felt like hundreds inside the birthday card so they spilled out onto the floor as soon as he opened it, causing Josh huge embarrassment because he’d opened the card in front of not just his friends and siblings but his mother too – who found the whole thing rather hilarious). He finally pulled out the lube, almost dropping it, and a condom before prying his lips from Tyler’s. 

With a cheeky smile Tyler was unclasping their hands and rolling on the condom, carefully slicking himself up. Before he could line himself up with Josh however he felt Josh grip the back of his neck, he smirked before suddenly flipping them over, so he was straddling Tyler’s lap again. Tyler let out a laugh raising an eyebrow at Josh’s desperation. 

“Someone’s determined.” He huffed out before Josh let out a small while, wriggling his hips. 

“I love you.” Josh breathes out as response, his eyes hooded and dark as he looks down at his boyfriend. 

“I love- _oh, fuck_ ” Tyler moaned as Josh sank down onto his length, too impatient to wait for Tyler. Tyler immediately pulled Josh down into a hot kiss, as Josh began lifting his hips before sinking back down again. “I love you so much.” Tyler moaned out, as Josh sat back up, picking up his pace.  
Tyler gripped his hips hard enough to bruise as Josh picked up a relentless pace, both panting hard. 

“Harder, _come on_.” Josh almost screamed when Tyler complied, taking control and bucking up into Josh to meet his movements, hitting that sweet spot inside him that made him see stars. 

They came almost simultaneously, kissing again as they worked one another through their highs before Josh was pulling off Tyler and flopping beside him, them both sweaty and exhausted. 

“That was- amazing.” Tyler said gasping for air, staring up at the ceiling and trying to blink away the stars in his eyes. 

“Yeah.” Josh replied giddily panting just as hard, looking at the ceiling too. 

They lay in silence for a while before Tyler broke it, removing the used condom and tying it, before throwing it expertly into the bin across the room. Josh laughed. 

Tyler shrugged. “Basketball.”

Josh rolled over so he was half on top of Tyler a hand threading through his fluffy hair. He nosed at his jawline, humming with contentment. 

“You know, I’ve kinda been wanting to tell you for a while.” Josh said, blushing and burying his face in the crook of Tyler’s neck. 

“Really?” Tyler said in disbelief. 

“Yeah.” 

“Me too.” Tyler huffed out a laugh as Josh’s head snapped up. His whole face lit up with a smile, that Tyler couldn’t help but mirror. 

Josh placed a sweet kiss to Tyler’s lips before getting up, wincing at the pain that shot up his spine. Tyler tried to pull Josh back onto the bed but he stood up with another wince. 

“We need to get dressed before my mom comes home.” He said as he began sorting through his clothes, “Shower?” He asked as he stood back up with a handful of clothes. 

“Shower.” Tyler smiled before scooping Josh up into his arms and staggering the few metres to the bathroom, laughing.


	16. junior year - part five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short filler sorry
> 
> ((THE LAST BIT DIDNT POST IM KMS))

Junior starts like every other school year before it, with Josh getting confused by his new schedule and Tyler being interrogated by his friends about who he hooked up with over the summer. To which Tyler admits to getting laid but dodges any and all questions about who it was he slept with. 

“I bet Josh knows.” Michael says and Tyler almost has a heart attack. 

“You literally ditched us to hang out with him every day this summer I swear.” Mark laughs and so do the others. Tyler still can’t speak, panic setting in. 

“Dude, chill out we’re joking.” Nick says with a heavy slap onto Tyler’s back breaking him out of his frozen state. 

“Yeah, everyone knows you and Josh have some weird freaky mind sync thing going on.” Mark comments and everyone stares at with blank expressions. He rolls his eyes. 

“I just mean you’re so in sync it’s like you can read each other’s minds, like best friend telepathy or some shit.” He clarifies and Michael shrugs while Tyler desperately tries to hide his blush. 

“You guys are being dumb.” Tyler brushes it off but then Josh is literally walking down the hall towards them, and they all stare bewildered as Tyler and Josh break out their ‘secret’ handshake. 

“Where are you going?” Tyler asks confused. 

“Uh, to Bio.” Josh tilts his head in confusion. 

“Its an A week dude, we have AP English now.” Tyler says and Josh groans. 

“I’m literally never going to get the hang of this new timetable.” He mutters before turning around, and heading to his locker to change his books, Tyler laughing and following with an arm slinked round Josh’s shoulder. 

“I told you, best friend psychic link shit.” Mark says as the other two just stare on at Tyler and Josh. Nick hits Mark upside the end causing him to yelp. 

“You’re so weird.” He teases before the trio begin walking towards their own classes. 

A daily routine sets in where Josh and Tyler sit together at lunch, usually joined by Brendon and Sarah, then sometimes Hayley, Ashley and Colin sit with them and other days they’re replaced by Nick, Mark and Michael and a few cheerleaders and some days it’s a mix-and-match of both. 

A couple months into the year Josh and Tyler almost get caught making out in a toilet stall but Josh manages to hide from the teacher so they think Tyler was alone. Josh gets detention for cutting class though, but Tyler finds a way to make it up to him when he’s at Josh’s house that evening. 

“We need to be more subtle.” Tyler says against Josh’s skin as his mouth trails down his jaw. Josh moans breathlessly and bares his neck to give Tyler better access. 

“Okay, then you gotta stop staring at me when we’re changing for gym class.” He smirks and Tyler practically growls into his skin, moving his hands to cup Josh’s ass, the gesture causing Josh to gasp. 

“Not my fault you wear your gym shorts so low on your hips, it makes me think dirty things, I was an innocent little church boy before you defiled me.” He teases, nipping at the hollow of Josh’s throat. 

“Yeah right, if anyone does the defiling here it’s you, need I remind you of how many detentions Weekes gave me last year because of _someone_.” Josh raised his eyebrows and Tyler teasingly bit now harder on his neck causing him to yelp and smack his arm. 

Tyler grinned cheekily and Josh rolled his eyes before letting Tyler kiss him again. 

-

Josh was worried when Tyler didn’t materialise by his side at lunchtime. He searched frantically from his seat in the cafeteria, causing Ashley to lean across and whisper in his ear. 

“We get it, you miss Tyler.” She teased and Josh poked his tongue out at her. 

Just then his eyes caught sight of Tyler a couple tables away, sat closely with Jenna, she looked like she’d been crying and Tyler is doing his best to comfort her.  
“What’s wrong?” 

Michael asked from across the table before turning to follow his gaze. 

“Oh shit.” Mark said eloquently and Sarah smacked him on the arm for swearing. 

“Guys stop staring.” She added when they turned to look at her. 

“Do you know what’s going on?” Michael asked her. 

She shook her head, smacking at Brendon’s hand as he reached over to steal one of her tater tots. “There’s tension between her and Debby but I don’t know if that’s what the crying is about, I haven’t been able to talk to her yet.” Sarah said distractedly as he wrestled Brendon’s hands away from her food, eventually deciding to just sit on his lap in order to block her tray from his reach. 

“I’m sure she’ll be okay.” Hayley piped up. Everyone nodded, seemingly ending the conversation. 

But then Mark was speaking low to Michael. “Maybe Jenna was who Tyler was with this summer.”

“Maybe,” Michael shrugged. “You think they’re back together?” He asked and Mark shrugged. 

“Joshie, did you get the Spanish homework I skipped again.” Ashley said at the pained look on Josh’s face, he almost screamed a thank you at her for the distraction. 

“Yeah, we have partners for a conversation project. Hayley is your partner.” Josh nodded causing Hayley to turn her attention to them and begin discussing the homework with her best friend. 

Josh perked up when there was someone squishing onto the end of bench next to him, his eyes meeting smiling brown ones. Tyler let Jenna’s hand go as she sat opposite him, sniffing and immediately letting Sarah –who awkwardly climbed off Brendon’s lap to his other side- wrap an arm around her.  
Josh tried to push down the bristling jealousy, but he found it dissipating on its own as he felt Tyler’s hand settle on his thigh as they were pressed into one another. 

-

Tyler is approaching Josh at his locker when he sees someone else approaching him. He recognises her as someone from the school council. She smiles shyly as Josh notices her standing by his locker and instinctively Tyler shuffles closer to hear what she’s saying. 

“Hey, so last night I went to text you but urm, you gave me the wrong number?” She seems nervous and Josh immediately goes bright red with embarrassment. 

“I’m so sorry, gosh, I did not mean to do that I swear.” He replies flustered and pulling his bag onto his shoulder. 

“It’s okay, I figured it’s just there’s one too many numbers.” She says handing over a crumpled piece of paper, presumably with Josh’s number on it. Josh immediately noticing the way he’s put two 3’s instead of one. 

He quickly scribbles one out with a pen he finds in his locker. 

“I’m really sorry I’m so stupid.” He says with a weak smile and she laughs, patting his arm. 

“It’s cool.” They fall into a slightly awkward silence before she tucks a long brown hair behind her ear and speaks up. “I’ll text you later then I guess?” 

Josh nods and she smiles back shyly before walking off again. 

“Who was that?” Tyler asks casually, like he’s not thinking about chasing after her and snatching the number from her hand and ripping it up in her face.  
Josh jumps at the voice materialising behind him, before shutting his locker. “Who? Emma?” Josh asks confused before he starts walking to class, Tyler follows beside him, tucking his hands in his jean pockets when his one keeps brushing Josh’s and making him want to latch their fingers together. 

“She seemed pretty nervous.” Tyler prods. 

“I think she was embarrassed which was my fault, I’m an idiot.” Josh sighs and Tyler frowns.

“No you’re not, don’t say that.” 

Looking around them, Josh tugged at Tyler’s sleeve so that he followed him into an empty classroom, he quickly pulled Tyler in for a kiss. 

“I love you.” He breathed out and Tyler immediately pulled him in for a second kiss, pecking his lips repeatedly when Josh kept trying to pull away. “Tyler,” Josh laughed giddily, “I have to get to class.”

Tyler whined and kissed him one last time. “I love you more.” He replied before they left the classroom in favour of heading to lessons.

-

Tyler and Jenna were holding hands again as he guided her through the lunch hall, her eyes were red and puffy as she kept her head low. Tyler sat her next to Hayley, who instantly offered her a napkin to blow her nose with, before he headed off to buy them both lunch. Josh watched as Tyler walked off, about to ask Jenna if she needed anything when Colin sat down between them, oblivious. 

“Oh no you can’t sit there.” Mark said and Colin looked up confused. 

“Ignore him, he has some stupid theory that Josh and Tyler have to sit next to each other at all times it’s tragic.” Michael replied, flicking a grape at Mark’s head. He grit his teeth as the fruit bounced off his nose. Josh tried to hide his blush. 

“Actually…” Mark continued. “I meant because Tyler and Jenna are sharing lunch so he needs to sit next to her.” Everyone but Jenna looked at him, but no one said anything before Colin shrugged and asked Josh to budge down, which he hesitantly did. When Tyler returned he looked sadly at Josh before sitting beside Jenna, letting her pick what she felt up to eating. She rested her head on his shoulder as she spooned the fruit salad into her mouth. No one said anything, just simply glanced over at the pair from time to time. 

Unable to take it, Josh pushed his tray away, not hungry anymore before getting up and heading to his locker, deciding if he was gonna be miserable he might as well be doing homework in the library at the same time.

_Tyler: ___

___baby, you okay?_ _ _

__Josh stared at his phone for a really long time, unsure how to reply because he wasn’t sure if he was okay for one thing and for another he didn’t even know why he was acting this way. It’s not like he actually thought Tyler would get back with Jenna, they’d only been dating as a cover-up in the first place, Jenna wasn’t clueless she’d already confronted Josh about having feelings for Tyler when a group of them had gone to the pool over summer. She wouldn’t date Tyler, she wasn’t like that and she was upset about something, Tyler was a good, caring person it was why Josh loved him so much. So he couldn’t understand why he suddenly felt so insecure, why he was suddenly so terrified of the constant whispering that happened when Tyler held Jenna’s hand to guide her through the cafeteria. He trusted Jenna, _he trusted Tyler_ , especially when he promised he loved Josh. But the voice in his brain just wouldn’t switch off and it was eating at him. _ _

__His phone buzzed again._ _

___Tyler:_ _ _

___don’t know if this makes u feel better but_ _ _

___my parents both have parent-teacher conferences tonight_ _ _

___so my house is free…_ _ _

__Josh bit his lip, of course he was being ridiculous, Tyler loved him._ _

___But, what if he’s just using you for sex…_ _ _

__Josh shook his head and typed a reply._ _

___josh:_ _ _

___not really in the mood for sex tonight ty_ _ _

__The reply was almost instantaneous._ _

___Tyler:_ _ _

___who said anything about sex? I was talking about Mario Kart_ _ _

__Josh instantly relaxed. Another text came through._ _

___but seriously are you okay? I love you_ _ _

__He smiled before gathering up his stuff and texting Tyler to meet him on the roof, he wanted to hug his boyfriend and forget the stupid voice in his head until he had to go to class._ _


	17. junior year - part six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> small amount of smut here but then a shit tonne of angst bc i enjoy hurting myself dhsajhda  
> enjoy!

The second basketball game of the season ended with Tyler limping off the court after assisting a winning basket. Josh had nearly fallen down the bleachers in desperate panic to check his (secret) boyfriend was okay, as the rest of the team celebrated their win with the rest of the stands. 

“Josh, I’ll be fine just need to rest my ankle for 24 hours and it’ll be good as new.” He shrugged, rubbing his sweaty forehead with his arm. He winced as the assistant coach checked him over and Josh started to panic but Tyler put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down. His teammates coming to escort him to the locker room. 

Tyler wasn’t in school the next day, his mother keeping him home to make sure he fully recovered. He spent all day texting Josh about how boring being bedridden was, how he missed making out with Josh between classes. 

_josh:_

_oh yeah? How much do u miss me?_

_Tyler:_

_so much._

_josh:_

_what if I told you I was outside your house?_

Tyler stared wide eyed at his phone. 

_Tyler:_

_josh…_

_josh:_

_rlly hope ur window is open_

Before Tyler could even respond, he heard his window slowly scraping open, he jumped, dropping his phone and trying to sit up as Josh clambered into his room. 

Josh gave him a goofy smile, biting his lip at Tyler’s mismatched pyjamas (a bright blue and purple mickey mouse t-shirt and deep purple flannel trousers). Tyler blushed. 

“Josh, what are you doing school isn’t out yet?” He tried to sound stern but he couldn’t stop smiling. 

“I had study hall last period so I figured no one would miss me if I skipped.” Josh shrugged flopping down on the bed beside him. Tyler smiled softly down at where Josh had his face smushed into the sheets. “I missed you.” Josh said with a cheesy grin, lifting himself up so he could press his lips to Tyler’s. 

“Being in bed all day sucks.” Tyler pouted when they finally pulled apart. He gestured to where his foot was propped up on a pillow. 

“Does it still hurt?” Josh ask concerned, peppering kisses into Tyler’s collarbone. 

He shivered and bit his lip to stop any soft moans escaping his mouth. He shook his head, not trusting his mouth to speak right then. 

Josh’s fingertips danced across Tyler’s torso and along his sides. 

“mmm that’s good.” Josh hummed into the skin of Tyler’s neck, nosing along his jawline. 

“Why?” Tyler breathed out, his whole-body twitching under Josh’s touch. He wanted nothing more than to practically pounce on him but he’d been lying about his ankle hurting, moving it too suddenly would most definitely hurt. 

“Is your mom home?” Josh asked, ignoring Tyler’s questions and he pressed hot open mouth kisses into Tyler’s skin, lifting his t-shirt to kiss across his hips and stomach, mouth getting dangerously close to the waistband of his trousers. 

Tyler stifled a moan, mouth dropping open as his body showed interest in what Josh was doing. “S-she went shopping.” 

“Perfect.” Josh said with a cheeky grin, moving back up to kiss Tyler heatedly. Tyler instantly pushed his hands under Josh’s shirt as he deepened it. Josh shuddered as Tyler’s cold fingers gripped his hips at the same time as their tongues brushed together. 

“Just lie back and relax okay.” Josh teased, teeth nipping at Tyler’s bottom lip. 

He pulled off Tyler’s shirt before he let Tyler pull his own off. They kissed again before Josh brought his mouth down Tyler’s neck and chest. Teeth grazing over his nipples before he was mouthing hot wet kisses down his stomach. With a quick look to Tyler, who nodded and thread a hand into Josh’s back to natural hair, Josh eased off his pyjama pants.

Tyler was only half hard but it didn’t take more than Josh’s tongue licking a stripe up the underside of his length to get his hard as a rock, he flushed red a little in embarrassment. Josh didn’t notice, too busy working Tyler with his tongue as he enveloped Tyler in the tight wet heat of his mouth. It only took a few minutes for Tyler to be a panting writhing mess underneath Josh, his hands fisting tightly in Josh’s hair, only spurring him on. 

Josh pulled off with a loud pop, before Tyler could get too close, Josh instantly kissed Tyler, letting him taste himself with a moan. Josh pulled his own jeans and boxers off, before climbing onto Tyler. 

“c’mere.” Tyler said pulling him closer so he could stroke Josh’s almost painful erection. 

Josh’s hips stuttered as he choked out a moan, crashing their lips together. Blindly he fumbled into Tyler’s bedside drawers for the lube he knew was hidden in there. He pulled away, lathering up Tyler’s length giving a few experimental tugs that made Tyler throw his head back into the pillow. 

Josh positioned himself ready to sink down onto him but Tyler stopped him with a panicked expression. 

“Wait you didn’t-”

Josh cut him off with a hot kiss, pressing his tip into his entrance. “Don’t need it.”

“Fuck, _baby_ , that’s hot.” He said as Josh slowly eased himself down onto Tyler’s dick. Josh huffed strained breaths through his nose as Tyler rubbed circles into his hips. Both boys moaned as Tyler bottomed out, Tyler’s back arching a little. 

He pulled Josh down to crash their lips together, getting lost in the familiar feel of their lips working so beautifully together. Without breaking the kiss Josh began grinding his hips, working himself on Tyler’s length and keening high in the back of his throat as he brushed his prostate. 

It didn’t take the two boys long to get close, Josh picking up his pace, as he raked his nails down Tyler’s chest. Tyler reached out the stroke Josh’s painful neglected dick and Josh almost screamed at the sensation. His pace relentless as Tyler began working his hips so that he dragged across the sensitive bundle of nerves inside Josh almost punishingly, Josh had to blink back the spots from his eyes as he came hard. Tyler following almost instantly at the sight of Josh’s own orgasm. Josh collapsed beside him, pulling off him. 

“Ew, dude, this is so gross.” Tyler joked breathlessly gesturing to the mess all over his stomach and chest before pulling his pants back up.  
Josh attempted a glare but was too weak. Tyler laughed and kissed him tenderly. 

“I think that was the best orgasm of my life.” Josh said burying his head in the crook of Tyler’s neck embarrassed. 

“I love you.” Tyler said after he finally got his breath back, his whole chest fluttering when Josh mumbled a giddy “love you more” into his shoulder.

They stayed curled up together for a little while, Josh falling asleep in Tyler’s arms. Tyler watched his boyfriend with adoration, completely baffled that someone as perfect as Josh could make him feel so much. 

It killed him that he couldn’t tell the world that this perfect soft boy was all his. Careful not to wake him Tyler ran his fingers along his cheekbone and then his jaw, then down his nose. He placed a soft kiss to Josh’s forehead. 

He’d thought about telling his parent’s, but he was petrified that he would lose everything if he did. He wondered if he told them it was Josh if that would make it easier for them to process, but then he imagined them forbidding him from seeing Josh ever again. He couldn’t lose this, he couldn’t lose his best friend. 

Josh roused from his nap with a blush of embarrassment. “Sorry.”

“You’re cute when you sleep.” Tyler teased and Josh smacked him. 

They kissed lazily for a bit before the front door slamming shut jolted them. 

“Shit.” Tyler whispered sitting upright and knocking Josh off him. Josh scrabbled off the bed and began frantically pulling on his clothes. 

“Ty, honey, I’m back!” His mother shouted from the bottom of the stairs. 

“U-uh.. Okay!” He shouted back as he pushed himself off the bed to reach his t-shirt on the floor. “Ouch.” He repeated as he hobbled on his foot. “You have to go now!” He said frantically as Josh fiddled with the zipper on his jeans. 

“Ty she knows we’re friends, school ended like ten minutes ago.” Josh whispered back, catching his shoes as Tyler threw them to him. 

“Josh, you have to get out she can’t know!” He hissed, panicking even more when he heard his mother start up the stairs. Pretending not to notice the pain shooting up his leg he rounded the bed and began pushing Josh towards the window, Josh protesting and trying to make sure he didn’t drop his shoes. Tyler practically threw his clothes out the window so Josh had no choice but to go out after them. 

“I’m sorry I love you!” Tyler said with a quick peck before he was shoving Josh out the window and hobbling towards the door to meet his mom. 

Josh climbed down and gathered all his clothes, re-dressing in Tyler’s backyard before hopping the fence. He looked back at the house, shaking his head, feeling mildly pissed off. He knew Tyler’s mom finding them naked was one thing but Josh had been to Tyler’s house plenty of times before, his mom _knew_ they were best friends, she really wouldn’t be shocked to find the two of them hanging out in his room. 

_He’s ashamed of you, it’s why he won’t tell his friends about you. He’s just using you for sex, he just pretends to love you so you’ll keep letting him fuck you._

_No, this is wrong, Tyler loves me._

Josh sat in his car for a while not driving away, knuckles white as he gripped the steering wheel. He felt a tears threaten to spill as his head fought with itself. Shaking hard he pulled out his phone. 

It only rang twice before the person answered. 

“Ashley?” He bit his lip to stop the sobs. He’d been so happy no more than ten minutes ago, the happiest he’d felt for weeks and now it was all crashing down around himself again. 

“Josh, it’s Hayley are you okay?” Her concerned voice was enough to make a few tears fall. 

“Are you at Ashley’s? Can I come over please? I’m- I’m not okay.” Josh took a deep breath. 

“We’re at mine, doors open, come over. It’s gonna be okay Josh, we’re here for you.” 

Josh immediately drove to Hayley’s house, ending up lay with his head in Ashley’s lap as she combed her fingers through his hair while he sobbed. 

He told them everything, even the things Ashley didn’t know, starting with how Hayley had got it wrong back in freshman year when she’d accused Tyler of being a jerk. How he’d fallen in love with him sometime around sophomore year when he’d been pretending to date Ashley. How they’d slept together after they took Ashley hope from the party, their trips to taco bell at three am, even the time Colin nearly walked in on them doing it a few weeks ago at one of Nick’s parties in his bathroom. 

He explained how Tyler was scared to come out and Ashley agreed he’d seemed genuinely scared when she’d figured it out. But the more he talked about the times Tyler had dismissed their friendship to people, or gotten mad at Mark for making jokes that they acted like a married couple, the more intense the pain in his chest. 

“I get being scared of his parents, but none of his friends care about that stuff, Mark tried to set me up with another guy he knew the other day. Tyler got so jealous, but he still didn’t say anything. What if I’m-” Josh took a hesitant breath, scared to say the next words. “What if I’m just something to get off with to him.” The words felt like a betrayal, they didn’t sit well on his tongue, he knew that was Tyler, _his_ Tyler and yet he’d still said them. 

“You need to talk to him Joshie.” Ashley said and both girls cuddled around him to hug him. He nodded and cried some more, feeling safe in their company. 

Tyler called to apologise later that evening, and Josh accepted it easily. Pretending everything was fine, deluding himself. 

He didn’t get to see much of Tyler at school because he knew the next time they were alone; he’d have to address the ugly voices in his head.

That weekend, Josh went around to Tyler’s house while his family had gone out. Josh psyched himself up to confront Tyler but as soon as he was in Tyler’s embrace his need to talk filtered away. Desperately seeking the physical comfort of Tyler’s touch, he was a heat source in the middle of a blizzard and Josh clung to him, leached every bit of warmth and affection Tyler always provided and let it turn him pliable. He allowed himself to get lost in strong kisses and soft touches, to be tangled up in Tyler’s bedsheets until he couldn’t tell where his body ended and Tyler’s begun. Let his body be marked with nips and bruises and kisses, each one punctuated by a moan or whimper or ‘I love you’. 

When they finished, Josh rolled away from his lover, light tears falling down his cheeks as the emptiness returned. Tyler hummed and rolled over to spoon Josh, pulling him in closer, pressing soft kisses to the back of his neck. 

If his worries were an hourglass slowly running down, then this moment was the moment the glass shattered, Josh’s chest along with it. 

"I can't do this." Josh said sitting up suddenly, causing Tyler's eyes to flutter open in confusion. Josh sighed and rubbed a hand over his face as he sat there staring into space.

Tyler sat up, resting a hand on his shoulder and pressing a kiss there. "What's wrong?" He asked softly but Josh seemed to flinch away, standing up and scrambling for his clothes. "Josh?"

"I-I can't." Josh said frustrated, yanking his jeans up his legs almost angrily.

"Can't what? Josh stop." Tyler knelt on the bed grabbing for Josh's arm, he stopped trying to find his socks but he didn’t look up at Tyler. "Come back to bed." Tyler tried to coax Josh to just relax and lay back down but he remained rigid.

"I can't be a secret anymore Tyler, I can't pretend anymore." Josh said lowly, still not looking up. 

"Josh-"

"No Tyler don't you get it? I _love_ you for fuck's sake and i can't. _do_. this." He shoved his t-shirt over his head causing Tyler to fall back on his heels on the bed.

His whole body felt sick with anxiety as tears stung at his eyes, this wasn't happening.

"Josh don't go please don't-"

"I have to-" Josh said already gathering his shoes off the floor ignoring the tear that dripped onto the carpet as he bent down.

"No you don't, _please_!" Tyler begged tears falling over his cheeks, he scrambled to get off the bed not caring that he was naked, just desperate not to let josh slip away from him.

"I have to!" Josh shouted finally turning around to make eye contact with Tyler, both of them crying and frustrated. Josh took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes closed as Tyler’s hands cradled his face, pulling him back into the room desperately. "I have to leave now or I never will."

Before Tyler could say anything, Josh was pulling himself from his grip and walking straight out the room, down the stairs and slamming the front door behind himself. 

Tyler’s mind went numb, he curled himself up against the back of the door, trying to pretend like there wasn’t a hole punched through his chest.


	18. junior year - part seven

Josh didn’t show up to school on Monday, and Tyler was silently relieved, he wasn’t sure if he could deal with facing him again. He’d tried calling and texting Josh constantly begging for just a chance to talk it out. 

His friends noticed he wasn’t okay but he brushed off any suggestion that they were here for him to talk to. Jenna swapped roles with him, being the one to guide him through the school day, making sure he ate something and actually went to practice at the end of the day. He was grateful for it, he’d lost any energy to motivate himself. Josh had left his house and he’d ripped out Tyler’s heart with it and left a gaping wound that Tyler just left to bleed out. 

Josh didn’t show up on Tuesday or Wednesday either. Wednesday lunchtime was when things came to breaking point though. Brendon stopped Tyler as he entered the cafeteria. 

Before anyone could stop him, Brendon punched Tyler in the face, knocking him to the floor. 

"That's for being an asshole and breaking my best friends heart." He spat before letting Sarah and Colin drag him off. 

Tyler almost laughed as he lay on the floor, face pounding, blood falling from his nose. The pain felt oddly comforting, like he was feeling something for the first time. 

He almost didn’t notice Hayley reach down to help him up. 

“What you gonna have a go to?” He said pressing his sleeve to catch the blood. Hayley shook her head. 

“He shouldn’t have done that.” She said. Tyler stared bemused. “I had you wrong Joseph, I’m sorry I slapped you that time in freshman year, you didn’t deserve it. You don’t deserve that either.” She motioned to his potentially broken nose. She began pulling Tyler out of the cafeteria and away from where people were trying to calm Brendon down. 

He realised then that Hayley was escorting him to the nurse. “Why are you being nice to me? He’s right, I broke Josh’s heart…” He winced at the words. 

“Maybe, but Josh definitely broke yours too.” Hayley replied not looking up at him. 

“He misses you, he’s a mess without you.” She added as she gestured for him to enter the nurse’s office. 

“I miss him too.” Tyler said sadly before leaving her. 

The nurse nearly had a heart attack at the sight of Tyler and he knew his father was definitely going to have him explain who did it. So he wasn’t surprised when he passed Brendon when he was called into his father’s office. 

He sat down, flinching at the look of horror on his father’s face at the sight of his bruised and swollen nose. There was an awkward silence for a while, Tyler looking anywhere but at his father. 

“Tell me what happened, son.” His father’s voice was gentle, how he spoke at home to his sister not at school to his students, that was usually far more authoritative. 

“Nothing.” Tyler shrugged. “You know what happened.” He mumbled and his father nodded.

“I know, I just want to hear it from you.” He pressed and Tyler rolled his eyes.

“Brendon punched me, happy?” He gave a snarky smile but it hurt his nose and he whimpered. 

There was another awkward silence while his father gave him an unreadable look. 

"Tyler, I’m talking to you as your father and not your principle here... did you get hit because of- because you are-" he shifted uncomfortably as though working a way around just explicitly saying it, a look in his eye suggesting he feared Tyler's reaction. "Was it because you are interested in boys?"

"WH- H- I-" words failed Tyler. Everything crashing around him like a stormy sea on the rocks. "Where did you even get that idea I-"

"Tyler, I'm your father give me some credit, not to mention you're always absent from class at the same time as Josh and I know he's your best friend but you look at him like i looked at your mother when we were that age."

Tyler wanted to die, he wanted to burrow his whole body into a hole in the ground and curl up and wait for death's sweet embrace, this was not happening. His nose throbbed as a painful reminder that yes, this was very much real and happening right now.

"Tyler, I want you to know that it's perfectly okay, I’ve noticed that this school hasn't been a safe place for gay kids and I’ve been working on trying to change that, there's a zero tolerance for homophobia or bullying of any kind now. The staff are all briefed on it. I'm sorry i wasn't there for you but i love you, you're my son i always will, same goes to any of your siblings."

And just like that the dam burst and Tyler couldn't stop violently shaking and crying, like a massive weight had been lifted of his chest only to reveal it was a plug keeping all his tears and emotions in and now they were just openly gushing like a wound onto the floor of his father’s office.

He felt warm hands wrap around his small frame and he was pulled into his chest. "I was so s-scared." He sobbed out and his father only clung to him harder.  
"It's okay, it's okay." His father soothed. They stayed like that until Tyler had calmed down enough to go back to class. He kept his head low for the rest of the day aware that people were talking about the fight and probably noticing the way his eyes were red raw with tears.

“I lost him dad.” Tyler sobbed into his father’s shoulder. 

“What happened?” His father said, trying not to get emotional at seeing his son so broken. 

“I love Josh, I love him so much but I-I was so scared.” The words came out in sobbed hiccups but his father heard him. 

“Oh, Tyler.” Was all his father could say as Tyler continued to wail, finally letting out all the emotion he’d shut out when Josh had walked out his house. 

“H-He left me, b-because he deserved someone w-who wasn’t scared to be with him inf-front of people.” Tyler couldn’t stop crying no matter how desperately he gulped in air to calm himself. 

Eventually his father was able to stop the flow of tears, with calming words, just like he used to when Tyler was 5 and he fell off his bike. 

“I know Josh and that boy is the nicest kid I ever met that I didn’t have a hand in making. He will forgive you, if he loves you, it won’t matter.” His father promised and Tyler nodded shakily. 

“Why don’t you go home early Tyler, you’re exhausted, I’ll bring Zack home and we can talk to your mother together okay? You’re my child Tyler, I will always love you. It’s going to be okay, I’m your father, you have to listen to me.” He smiled and Tyler let out a small chuckle at the last bit nodding. 

“Thanks.” He said weakly, gingerly blowing his nose on the tissue his father offered to him. 

He scurried out the office, quick to get out of school before people could see him. He was stopped however by Brendon who was sat with Sarah and Hayley, talking angrily about something. 

“Tyler I-” He faltered when he saw the mess that was Tyler’s face. Tyler flinched, expecting another swing. When he didn’t Tyler didn’t wait around to give him chance. He pushed past him and practically ran to his car. 

Tyler’s mother cried when Tyler came out. But because she wasn’t sure how to process the information. She promised Tyler that she loved him before silently walking out of the living room. He heard her crying in the other room, and again at bedtime in her bedroom. His father assured him that she’d come around but Tyler felt dread in his chest as a voice told him this was exactly why they should’ve kept it a secret. 

He cried himself to sleep, nose resting on a makeshift icepack of frozen peas in a towel.


	19. junior year - part eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short but if i don't post this now, who knows when i will. I'm sorry this is so shit, i know y'all love this fic and i'm very aware of that pressure to perform atm. I'm not really okay mentally, haven't been for a while so i'm trying to sort my shit out i promise. I'll try not to make you wait too long for the next update, promise. But for now this is all i can give you, sorry it's not my best.

Josh was back in school the next day. He looked like he hadn't slept in a month and he didn't talk to anyone other than Ashley, on account of being mad at Brendon and Hayley for Tyler-related reasons. Mad that Brendon punched him, slightly less mad that Hayley had told Tyler that Josh missed him.

Tyler did a pretty good job of giving him space and Josh was thankful.

The pain wasn't any less after two weeks but at this point he was able to sit at the same lunch table without wanting to burst into tears. Besides he'd gotten pretty good at pretending with these people.

Tyler couldn't take the separation much either, he just wanted to talk to Josh but any time he tried Josh found an excuse to leave.

He spoke to Ashley and Hayley, who explained what Josh was feeling and Tyler assured them he was wrong. His chest ached, how could Josh actually think that of him, think so little of himself. He just wanted Josh to understand how loved he was.

After the third week of being apart Tyler couldn't take it anymore. If Josh wouldn't talk to him, then he had nothing to lose.

As soon as Tyler saw Josh sat at the usual lunch table he stopped, he climbed up onto the nearest table, careful not to step on any of the lunch trays of the kids' sat there. He cleared his throat loudly.

"Hey!" He shouted and everyone in the room fell silent looking at the basketball captain. His friends gave him confused glances.  
Josh made eye contact with him and immediately looked down at his tray.

"I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm gay. And that I'm in love with Josh Dun. Right now i don't think he loves me because i kinda screwed up, but, I love you Josh so there." Mark and Michael whooped while Nick gave a "CALLED IT!" as others in the cafeteria began clapping and cheering. Tyler smiled, taking a big sigh of relief before getting down off the table.

Tyler approached the lunch table all of his friends clapping him on the back saying well done and telling him he was an idiot for being scared to tell them.

Jenna smiled knowingly at Ashley and suddenly it turned into a fight where the boys whined about why the girls got to know when they didn't. More importantly Mark was mad at Jenna for letting him bet against Tyler having a crush on Josh, now he owed Michael $10.

Josh stayed eerily quiet the whole time and Tyler seemed to be the only one to notice.

Tyler watched the blank expression on Josh's face and realised that Josh might actually have moved on, that he'd waited too long.

"You don't love me anymore." He said without meaning to say it out loud. Everyone stopped joking around to watch the two stare at each other.

Josh went to say something but hesitated and Tyler didn't give him a chance to continue. He got up and walked out. He couldn't bear the thought of hearing him confirm Tyler's fears.

Tyler found himself on the rooftop, gasping for breath. His whole world crashing around him.

He almost didn't hear the door open behind him with a soft click.

He turned to see Josh, concerned.

Silently Josh stood beside him, looking out at the sky.

"It's not that i don't love you." Josh finally said and Tyler thought he was about to collapse with the overwhelming emotion in his chest.

"I just think we need time apart. It wasn't healthy for me and until i can sort myself out, i can't go through that again. i need time." Josh said carefully, refusing to look at Tyler.

“Did you just... “it’s not you it’s me” me?” Tyler tried to joke and Josh looked panicked before realising he was smirking. Josh shoved him playfully laughing a little.   
Tyler nodded sadly, "i miss you."

"i miss you too but all i can offer you right now is friendship."

"I'll take whatever you can give me, i can't lose you again, i can't do it." Tyler pleaded. 

“Okay.” Josh said and Tyler’s heart skipped. He gave Josh a questioning look. “We can still be friends” he hesitated. “Best friends.” He added with a smile. 

Tyler yanked him into a hug, overwhelmed at being able to hold him again. 

The pair smiled warmly at one another as they pulled apart, staring. 

“Oh my gosh, Tyler.” Josh gasped, hand flying to his hair. “You just came out to the whole school,” Josh let out an incredulous laugh, covering his mouth. His eyes widened with shock. “What about your parents, you-”

“Josh it’s okay, I came out to them last week. They uh, guessed.” Tyler rubbed the back of his neck blushing. 

Josh pulled him into another hug. “I’m so proud of you!”

The hug lingered, both them too familiar with holding one another to break it. “Best friends hug, right?” Tyler teased, and Josh laughed. 

“Oh totally.” He replied as he pulled away, “they also have super-secret handshakes too.” Josh grinned, pressing his tongue between his teeth. 

Tyler mirrored it and held his hands out, ready to perform the handshake they’d made up over the summer. 

When they finished, they heard the bell in the distance, and they began heading to class. It was all going to be okay.


	20. junior year - part idk

It only took a day for the awkwardness to wear off, for Josh and Tyler to fall straight back into their rhythm of friendship. And it only took a week for Tyler to start flirting with Josh publicly. Not in a way that made him uncomfortable, just enough to remind him that he was still prepared to wait for him. 

“How are you two today?” Ashley sighed as she sat opposite them. 

“All the better for the seeing Josh.” Tyler said wiggling his eye brows and leaning closer to Josh. Josh rolled his eyes playfully and shoved at Tyler’s face. 

“Just date already.” Ashley deadpanned, resting on her head on her hand before putting a forkful of tater tots into her mouth. 

Josh blushed but Tyler turned to him with a teasing tone. “Yeah Josh, go out with me already.”

Josh shook his head and looked down at his food, laughing it off. Tyler pouted. “Fine, I’ll wait for you my love.” He said overdramatically causing Josh to shove him again. 

Michael sat down at the table. “What’s wrong with him?” He teased. 

“He can’t handle rejection.” Ashley replied with a smirk at the same time Josh rolled his eyes and said “nothing”. 

Michael smirked. “Of course he’s upset, Josh is adorable. Tough luck buddy.” 

“Thank you, see Michael understands my pain.” Tyler continued but Josh was too busy blushing at the compliment from Michael. 

Mark and Jenna arrived not long after, joining in on the teasing just like most lunchtimes. 

Josh was startled at his locker when he shut the door and someone was stood behind it. 

“Sorry.” The girl apologies, a hand flying to her mouth in worry. 

“No-no it’s fine, just surprised me is all.” Josh brushed it off. “What’s up Emma?” He said gesturing for his Spanish partner to walk with him, they had Spanish next anyway.

“I was just wondering if you wanted to come over to my house tomorrow to finish the presentation together?” She blushed a little but Josh didn’t notice. 

“Oh, yeah sure thing.” He said smiling back. 

“I was thinking we could like order pizza and stuff, motivation, ya know? We’re kinda behind right now.” She added and Josh nodded. He knew it was largely his fault for being so distracted with the Tyler drama and missing a whole week of school that had put them behind on their year-long partner-project. 

Josh was about to head into the classroom when Mark called to him. 

“Hey, you coming in?” Josh asked confused, his smile dropping when he saw Mark seemed worried about something. He moved out of the doorway to talk to him. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to be a dick, but if you’re gonna flirt with other girls maybe stop leading Tyler on.” Mark wouldn’t look at him and Josh felt his anxiety spike at the words, his heart thudding loudly. 

“I wasn’t- I didn’t flirt with anyone?” Josh replied confused. 

“You might not think you were but Jenna and I were talking and she said Emma was talking about how she was gonna ask you on a date at their last STUCO meeting. She likes you Josh, even if you’re oblivious.”

“Mark, she’s my Spanish partner, I have to pull my weight in the project.” Josh explained. 

“I understand that, I’m just warning you that Tyler’s not as strong as you think. He’s not as okay with the constant rejection as he plays it off. Don’t string him along if you’re not interested in him, it’s not fair.” Mark replied, playing with his sleeve. 

Just then the bell went and Josh took it as his opportunity to storm off, but not before he had the last word. “Don’t tell me that I don’t understand Tyler’s feelings Mark, and don’t tell me who I can hang out with. I know you’re just looking out for Tyler but stay out of it.”

Josh aggressively took his seat, not looking back when he heard Mark pull out the empty chair behind him. He felt wrong and he was mad at Mark for making him feel like he’d had his feathers ruffled. He glanced over at where Emma smiled at him and he looked back at the front of the class, a sick guilty feeling settling in his stomach. 

He felt miserable for the rest of the day and it drove him straight up to Tyler at the end of the school day. He caught him just before he finished at his locker before he headed home. 

“Hey cutie.” Tyler smiled but Josh kept a straight face.

“You need to stop flirting with me.” Josh said, harsher than he meant. Tyler’s mouth turned into a frown. 

“What-”

“It hurts Tyler.” Josh blabbed, his eyes beginning to water. “I can’t do it.”

“Josh I never meant to hurt you, I’m sorry.” Tyler apologised. 

Josh felt worse. “I still love you,” Josh admitted, bitterly wiping a tear from his eye. 

But before Tyler could even say anything or reach out to hold Josh, like Josh so desperately wanted he was speaking again. 

“Move on Tyler, you deserve better.” He mumbled before walking off. “You deserve to be happy.” He added before he was out of earshot. 

Tyler tried to follow him but once he got into the parking lot he saw Josh was running to his car, Tyler knew he couldn’t reach him before he drove off. 

Tyler called Josh when he got home and by some miracle Josh answered. 

“Hear me out.” Tyler said before Josh could say a word. There was silence which Tyler took as the go ahead. 

“Look I don’t know what happened, but I’m here for you. You’ve always been my best friend first, anything else second Josh. I’ll stop flirting, but i won’t give up on you Josh. Whatever’s going on I love you, in any way you need it okay?” 

Tyler knew Josh was crying, and it hurt his heart. He was relieved at least when Josh started talking to him, like they used to. Josh couldn’t stop the words flowing it just felt right to talk with Tyler about his worries, talking until Tyler had managed to steer the conversation somewhere else and distract him if he needed. The ache in his chest was always easiest to bare in Tyler’s presence even if the pain magnified right after they finally hung up a few hours later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bit short and angsty but im back :)


	21. junior year - part really ??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw// self harm, blood. be safe please. 
> 
> also i stole part of this from my fic sillage :)

Josh’s phone buzzed loudly, waking him up. He rolled over to eye his clock to see it was 2am, he scrambled for his phone. He pulled the charger out as he saw the caller ID, answering quickly. 

“Tyler?” He rubbed his eyes, voice lazy with sleep. 

“J-josh?” Tyler’s voice was too far away, his breathing ragged. 

“I’m here what’s wrong?” Josh immediately sat up, worried and wide awake. 

“I-I made a mistake. I-I didn’t know who else to call.” Tyler sounded strangled. 

“Where are you? What’s happened?” Josh began pulling the covers off himself, getting up and rushing to get dressed. 

“Jos-Josh I- there’s so much blood, oh god, there’s so much-” Tyler sounded weak and distraught. Josh didn’t even bother lacing his vans as he shoved his feet in them, hearing the word ‘blood’ and immediately rushing to his car. 

“Tyler, hang in there, baby, okay?” Josh wanted to slap himself as the pet name slipped out.

Tyler let out a shaky breath. Josh fumbled to put the phone on speaker and in the holder so he could keep talking while he drove, his hands shaking. 

“I missed that.” Tyler said sadly and Josh’s heart hurt. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I like it when-” He trailed off and Josh panicked. 

“You like it when I call you baby?” He prompted desperately. 

“It makes m-me feel safe.” Tyler choked out. 

“Good. Now keep talking to me okay? Tell me- tell me something that makes you happy?” Given there wasn’t much distance from their two houses Josh was already pulling up to the curb. He fumbled to pull his keys from the ignition and get out, pressing the phone to his ear again as he ran. 

“Y-you, you make me,” Tyler said as he took a deep breath, “so happy.”

Josh sniffed, tears filling his eyes, trying to swallow the panic. Tyler whimpered, his voice sounding far away again. 

“I’m climbing up to your window is it open? Where are you?”

“Y-yes. I’m in the bath-bathroom.” Tyler struggled to say as Josh stuffed his phone between his teeth and scaled the house, lifting the window enough to sneak in. 

He didn’t care if he woke Zack, but it didn’t matter because Zack wasn’t there. He quickly walked to the bathroom. 

“Tyler.” He said opening the door, not caring if any of Tyler’s family were home, if they were, they deserved to know. 

He wasn’t prepared for the sight. Tyler was lay on the floor trying to hold back blood that was soaking into his shirt; his hands covered in it, a large gash on his stomach seemingly the cause. Josh took a deep breath, he scrambled for a towel, pressing it to the wound. Tyler dropped the phone from where it was weakly holding it to his ear. 

He attempted a weak smile but his eyes were fluttering. 

“It h-hurts Josh, there’s so much-I’m sorry. I slipped.” Tyler sobbed. Josh felt adrenaline pump through his veins, as he moved Tyler into his lap. He carefully lifted Tyler’s t-shirt to see the nasty wound. 

“You’re gonna be okay.” Josh said, pressing a kiss to his forehead in relief. He pushed Tyler’s hand down on the towel covering the wound. “Apply pressure here, I’m gonna take you to hospital okay?”

“I’m so sorry.” Tyler said weakly as Josh picked him up into his arms and began walking him out the room. 

“It’s okay baby, you’re okay.” Josh soothed kissing his forehead again. 

Josh practically ran out of the house only pausing to shut the door, hoping it locked behind him. “Hang in there, okay?’ Josh said, placing another soft kiss to his forehead as he put Tyler in the passenger seat. Tyler nodded sleepily, tears falling from his eyes. 

“Can’t even do this right.” Tyler mumbled and Josh gave him a worried look as he drove to the hospital. 

When he didn’t have to change gears, Josh held his hand over Tyler’s helping him apply pressure. 

Josh carried Tyler into the hospital, letting a doctor take him away. He clung to Tyler’s hand and walked with his as he was wheeled away. 

“Tyler, I love you okay?” He said before a doctor was stopping him from going any further, as he felt Tyler’s hand slipping from his he called out. “However you need it. I love you.” 

The doctor pushed him out of the hallway and back to the front desk as he broke down, fiercely wiping the tears from his eyes. 

The next hour is a blur for Josh, having to explain who Tyler is so they can call his aunt who’s in his house. She appears at the hospital half an hour later, frazzled and still in her pyjamas. 

Jenna is with her; Josh gives her a confused look as she sits down beside him. Tyler’s aunt badgering the nurses for news. 

“What happened?” She said taking Josh’s hands in hers. She froze when she saw the dried blood on his hands. 

Josh sniffed and turned his hands away from her view. “He hurt himself, i-I don’t think he meant to do this but- God, what if I’d lost him?” Josh started crying again and Jenna pulled his head into her lap as he sobbed into her legs, arms wrapped around her waist. She stroked her hands through his hair. 

“He’s okay now, because he has you Josh. He’d never leave you.” She soothed. 

Tyler’s aunt sat beside her, looking at the blue-haired boy in her lap. 

“Josh.” Jenna mouthed and the older woman who nodded and pat her on the arm. 

“They said a doctor will come talk to us in a minute.” She said. 

Mark arrived before the doctor did, Jenna explaining she’d called him on her way here. 

He’d barely had time to get up to speed on what had happened when the doctor was calling out Tyler’s name. 

All four stood immediately. 

“He’s going to be fine, once we got the wound clean it wasn’t as bad as it might have appeared. We had to give him a few butterfly stitches and we sedated him because he started to become distressed but otherwise he is fine. He’s sleeping now but I can let you see him.” The doctor said and everyone sighed with relief starting to move. “Only two at a time, I’m afraid.” The doctor said and all three teens looked between one another, knowing his aunt had priority. 

“You go Jen.” Mark said and she looked at Josh. Josh nodded despite how desperate to see Tyler he was. 

Jenna kissed Josh’s cheek, promising to tell Tyler Josh was still here before following the doctor out of the waiting area. 

As soon as they were gone Mark was turning to Josh. “Did something happen between you two?”

“What?” Josh asked bewildered. 

“Did you tell him you don’t like him or something?” Mark asked. 

“I told him to move on the other day, but I never said that.” Josh said, not making eye contact. “I love him.” He added mumbling down at his shoes but Mark still heard.  
Mark huffed. “Then _be_ with him.” He said angrily, stepping closer to Josh. 

“It’s not that simple.” Josh snapped. 

“What’s so hard about this? You love him? Then stop playing with him and grow some balls and tell him.” Mark said poking Josh in the chest. 

“He knows.” Josh replied through gritted teeth. Hands curling into fists. “You don’t understand a thing.” Josh almost laughed. 

“What don’t I understand then, cos from what I see Josh; Tyler loves you. And when you love someone you’re there for them, you don’t just give up. Tyler never gave up on you but you still ignore his feelings why?” Mark demanded. 

“You know nothing about my relationship with him.” Josh tried to keep his voice down wary of other people in the waiting room. “The only reason we’re not together right now is because both he and I need a best friend more than a boyfriend right now.” Josh spat.

“You can’t possibly know that when you’ve not even given him a fair shot.” Mark huffed. 

“I’ve given him more than a fair shot,” Josh scoffed. “given we’d been fucking for months before he came out, and seeing each other since freshman year.” Josh hadn’t meant to almost yell, he blushed a little as people in the waiting room gave him disgusted looks. 

Mark stared on, gobsmacked. 

“We kept it secret because he didn’t want to come out and I was okay with it at first but then my anxiety got bad and I couldn’t do it anymore, it wasn’t healthy.”

“T-that’s why Brendon punched him?” Mark said taking a seat and rubbing his hands down his face. Josh sat beside him. 

“Yes. I never stopped loving him.” Josh continued, staring into space. Mark slowly looked up at him. “But I can’t just walk back to him, not until I can sort myself out and what if I can’t do that Mark? I want him to be happy, what if waiting for me is what put him in here?”

Mark cautiously placed an arm around his shoulders. “His mom is the reason he’s in here.” Mark explained and Josh looked at him confused. 

“He didn’t tell you?” Mark asked and Josh shook his head. 

“She didn’t take his coming out well, she’s so cold with him. His biggest fear with coming out was her resenting him and he feels like it’s come to life.”

“Why didn’t he tell me any of this?” Josh wiped at his eyes. 

“Because you make him so happy he doesn’t even care about the bad stuff.” Mark said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Josh frowned.

“I need to sort my head out.” He replied, determined. He was actually going to get his shit together so he could be there for Tyler, so he could love him without feeling so worried all the time. 

“He won’t wait forever Josh.” Mark said softly, rubbing his back. 

“I would never ask him to.” Josh replied. 

“I know,” Mark said, pulling Josh closer as they watched the sky begin to lighten through the window. “You didn’t need to.”


	22. junior year - part we get it

Everyone was sent home (Josh and Mark without chance to see Tyler) much to Josh’s sadness. Jenna promised that Tyler knew Josh had been there all night, but he’d been pretty doped up on meds. 

Josh’s parents were waiting for him when he got home at almost five am. He tried to sneak in but his father cleared his throat and turned on the hall light. Josh cursed inwardly as he turned around to face his angry parents. 

“You have ten seconds to give your mother a damn good reason you were out of the house in the middle of the night, or else.” His father said sternly and Josh gulped. 

“Tyler almost died, I was at the hospital.” Instantly Josh’s mother rushed over to hug him. Josh broke down, exhausted, shocked he had any more tears left. 

“Bill, honey, go back to bed, I’ll deal with this.” His mother said softly, guiding her son into the living room and onto the couch.   
Reluctantly, Mr. Dun trudged upstairs to bed. 

“Are you going to tell me what happened now?” His mother asked, brushing blue curls off his forehead before wiping his cheeks.   
Josh couldn’t stop himself from telling her everything, the secret relationship, the hiding and the fear, the break ups, the make ups, the mess of stress and emotion and how he just wanted Tyler back but something kept stopping him and he wasn’t even sure what it was. He told her about what had just happened and the conversation with Mark too. 

“Do you think perhaps you’ve realised just how important he is to you?” His mother asked when he’d finished sobbing out all his thoughts. He handed him a tissue to blow his nose, a worried look on her face. 

“He’s so important to me.” Josh replies quietly, like it’s a secret. 

“Joshua, come here.” His mother pulled him into her chest, running a hand through his hair and rocking him like she used to when he was a child and he’s hurt himself playing. It was warm and comforting. “You love him, and he loves you. But that fear, it’s not because you’re scared of Tyler or even of yourself.” She began her voice soft like velvet. “It’s your father.” She added and Josh broke away from her hold to look at her confused. 

“What?”

“Your father being gone, what he does for a living, it’s terrifying. You get your worrying from me, and for as long as he’s been in the air force you’ve been old enough to understand. To know that” she got choked up on her own tears as she tried to explain. “-that there’s always a chance he won’t come back. You’ve been an amazing help to me, and a damn good brother to your siblings, but you grew up too fast, and that’s on me.” His mother said sadly. Josh shook his head to protest but his mother simply held his cheeks and wiped more tears he didn’t know he’d spilled. “You’ve never put yourself first, and now you did something for yourself it’s probably very scary and disorienting, especially when the only example of a relationship you’ve had is your dad and I. But Tyler isn’t to walk out and never come back Josh, I’ve spoken to him and he absolutely adores you, it’s okay to let yourself have this.”

“I-it hurts. I threw it away and it hurts so bad I don’t know what to do.” Josh let out a strangled sob as his mother held him tightly, rocking him back and forth until his sobbing stopped and it seemed he’d cried himself out. 

“It’s okay baby, momma’s here.” She soothed, feeling him already about to fall asleep, her eyes glinting with tears as the nostalgia kicked in, remembering all the times he’d fallen asleep clinging to her as a child. It’d been a long time since he’d needed his mom. “Just follow your heart okay? You’ll do what feels right, I know you will.” She kissed the side of his head as she rocked him some more. Josh fell asleep a few minutes later. 

Bill Dun blinked away the tears from his eyes, having witness the last ten or so minutes of Josh’s breakdown when he’d come to check on them both. He made eye contact with his wife who was weeping silently as she held her oldest baby. After a conversation with just glances, he moved to take his son’s sleeping body into his arms and carried him up the stairs to his bed, tucking him in. Just like he had done when he was smaller. 

He held his wife close and kissed her forehead as they watched over their son sleeping for a soft moment before closing the door and heading to bed themselves.   
Bill pretended not to notice Ashley peeking through the gap in her door, instead looking towards where the sun had begun peeking through the curtains.   
Only an hour or so later Josh was startled awake by his alarm. 

He trudged through his morning routine, half dead, zombie-like, as though his bones were molasses. He was surprised when his father said he would be driving all of his children to school that day, even more shocked when the previous night was seemingly forgotten. 

He tried not to smile when Ashley and their father argued over Ashley going on a date after school, he did smile however when Abigail began singing along loudly to the radio and their father joined in just as badly, making Jordan grumble and plug his ears with his fingers. Even as Josh laughed at his siblings bickering and screaming song lyrics he realised that life was going to be okay. Maybe, there was some truth to the saying _’it’s always darkest before the dawn’_.

“Ty’s parents aren’t back ‘til tonight their flights keep getting cancelled.” Jenna said over lunch, to the table after they’d all been filled in on what had happened.   
“Can we go see him?” Ashley asked and Hayley gave her a confused look. 

Jenna nodded. “My mom’s looking after Jay and Maddie, I think Zack stayed with his aunt today I didn’t see him.”

“I thought the therapy was wor _king_ …” Ashley immediately trailed off as Josh sat down at the table, shrinking under the glares from Mark and Jenna that told her she shouldn’t have said what she had. 

“Don’t stop on my account.” Josh said with his hands up. Jenna immediately put her hand on his. At that exact moment, she looked up to see Emma walking past, at the look she gave her Jenna moved her hand. 

Josh didn’t even notice the exchange too busy rubbing his tired eyes. “We’re sorry Josh.” Hayley said and Josh sighed. 

“No, sorry, I only got like an hour’s sleep I’m just snippy.” Josh apologised and everyone nodded understandingly before Nick decided to lighten the mood and talk about the next party he was planning. 

Josh was about to grab his books from his locker before he went to wait for his ride home from school when someone called his name. 

“Hey Josh!” 

He turned to see Emma smiling and jogging to catch up. She brushed a stray hair off her face. 

“We’re still working on this project now, right?”

Josh slapped himself. “Of course, I completely forgot, some stuff happened uh, my dad was supposed to pick me up do you want me to like, give you the address or-”

“I can drive you home if that’s easier?” She offered and Josh nodded deciding not to over complicate this, the sooner he finished this project the sooner he could go to the hospital to see Tyler. He shot his sister a text knowing she would actually check her phone before gesturing for Emma to lead the way. 

“Hey Hayley, Tyler likes Taco Bell, right?” Ashley asked her best friend as she watched Josh climbing into Emma’s car. 

“Think so, why?” Hayley looked up from her phone to see where Ashley was staring. “What are you thinking?” She asked suspiciously. 

“That Ty, needs a break from hospital food.” Ashley smiled innocently before grabbing Hayley’s wrist and pulling her towards her own car.


	23. junior year - part does anyone really care anymore??

Emma smiled and pulled her hair up into a loose bun as she leant over the table, pulling together all the poster paints so she could begin colouring in the poster they’d spent the past twenty minutes designing. Josh watched, staring at her small shoulders and thinking about how small and soft her skin was, it made him think about Tyler’s for some reason. He got lost in comparing how Tyler’s tanned skin was somehow softer, yet rougher at the same time. Josh blushed when he remembered what Tyler looked like topless, and he tried really hard to push away the way his fingers and lips felt on Josh’s own skin. 

Emma blushed, seemingly noticing Josh staring. He shook his head and apologised quietly. She shrugged it off and peaked her tongue out as she concentrated. 

Josh chuckled. Causing her to give him a look. “What?” She smiled, rubbing her forehead and somehow getting yellow paint on her skin. 

“You looked like Abigail- my sister- she sticks her tongue out like that. Should probably wipe your forehead.” Josh laughed as he went to the kitchen, returning with a wet cloth. 

Emma blushed again, brushing their hands when she took the cloth. She tried wiping the wrong side so Josh took pity and wiped her head for her. She stared at him intently before Josh cleared his throat awkwardly and began pulling his laptop into his lap to type up some more stuff. 

Emma didn’t leave for another two hours, swearing when she realised her mom had text her asking why she wasn’t home. 

“We made loads of progress at least.” She smiled as she grabbed her bag. “I had a great time too so win win.” She joked and Josh smiled. 

“Yeah, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at school?” He said politely as she nodded. She stared at him on the doorstep for a minute, blushing before saying bye and walking to her car. 

When she was gone, Josh sighed and immediately went to freshen up. 

He knocked on his parent’s bedroom door, knowing they’d been hiding out in there because of Josh’s guest. 

“Emma left, but I’m just gonna go to see Tyler before visiting hours ends.” 

“Okay, come straight home then please.” His mother replied and Josh nodded before running out the house and to his car. 

Ashley settled down beside Tyler, careful of the wires attached to him. “When are they letting you out.” She asked as Hayley perched at the end of the bed cross legged and handing out burritos from the taco bell bag in her lap.

“Tomorrow morning, they said I have to stay for 24 hours to make sure I don’t get an infection.” Tyler shrugged, thanking Hayley as she handed him some food. 

Ashley checked her phone as she ate while Hayley filled Tyler in on what he’d missed at school. Hint: not much. 

“D-did you see Josh? Is he okay?” Tyler asked nervously. 

“Yeah, he didn’t sleep much cos he was waiting all night to see you.” Hayley assured, placing her hand on his leg. 

“I don’t think he’ll be visiting today.” Ashley said as she held out her phone for Hayley to see. Hayley scrunched her nose in disgust. 

“What is it?” Tyler asked, Ashley gave him a sad smile before replaying the snapchat story that showed Josh with Emma. It was only a simple video of the room to show Josh sat right beside her before panning to the poster she was working on with the caption “Study buddies”. Ashley scoffed. 

“She’s so shady, you know she’s supposedly best friends with Debby. She’s the one who started the rumour about Jenna too.” Ashley spat before instantly stopping, eyes wide. 

“ _She_ was behind that?” Tyler said looking between both girls. 

“You and your big mouth.” Hayley said as Ashley buried her face. 

“I’m sorry, I thought you knew.” She said into her palms. 

There was an awkward silence, filled with beeping monitors and shuffling wrappers as they finished their food. 

“Josh doesn’t like her, you know that, right?” Hayley piped up, when she noticed Tyler chewing on his lip and staring into space. 

“Hm?” Tyler looked up at her and suddenly felt self-conscious under her warm gaze. 

“I know what it’s like to be in love with Josh.” Hayley said and Tyler stared in shock, eyes flicking between both girls. Ashley shrugged. 

“We both know what it’s like to be in love with a guy who loves someone else.” Ashley added, Tyler was confused before he remembered their conversation on the porch the night he and Josh had first slept together. 

“Hayley, I’m so sorry.” Tyler said, fiddling with one of the wires attached to his arm. 

Hayley shook her head and squeezed his leg. “You have nothing to apologise for.” She assured. 

“But I-I took him from you.” Tyler said sadly and Ashley put an arm around him in comfort. 

“Josh _loves_ you and I’m happy as long as he’s happy.” She smiled but Tyler only frowned. 

“I hardly made him happy.” Tyler said and Ashley smacked his arm. 

“Don’t you dare say that, Josh was his best self that summer when you were together. He freaked out and that’s on him, not you.”

“And Josh knows that.” Hayley added

Tyler sighed. “Why is being in love so complicated? Like why do I feel like I’ve been through two wars just to feel miserable all the time?” He rubbed his face and Ashley hugged him, pushing out her bottom lip in a sat pout. 

“If it was easy it wouldn’t be worth it.” Hayley shrugged before lying across his lap to join in the hug. 

The smiled fondly at the soppy moment they seemed to be having. “Josh will come around Ty.” Ashley promised. 

“And if he doesn’t we’ll put hair removal cream in his shampoo.” Hayley joked, causing Tyler to laugh. Ashley gasped when she remembered a funny story about the time they shaved off only one of Brendon’s eyebrows when he passed out at Colin’s house. This lead them to tell Tyler as many funny and embarrassing stories they could about Josh, Brendon and Colin. Until he was crying with laughter, and complaining because he was pulling on his stitches. 

“We’re telling everyone at school it’s your appendix by the way.” Hayley said as she began eating one of the handful of chocolate bars Ashley had raided the vending machine for. 

Tyler smiled. “That’s actually kinda genius.” 

“Jenna came up with it of course, that girl’s a miracle I swear.” Ashley smiled offering Tyler a Reese’s which he took as he hummed with agreement at her statement.   
Before anyone could speak up, Josh arrived in the doorway, a little out of breath. All three sets of eyes landed on him simultaneously and he gulped. 

“Ty you’re okay!” Josh said rushing over to hug him. Tyler smiled into his shoulder. Ashley got up and sat in the chair beside the bed to give them some privacy. 

“I’m so sorry Josh I didn’t mean to-” 

Josh shushed him, holding him close for a bit longer, making sure he knew he was safe, just happy to be able to hold him and know that he was okay. 

They were broken apart by a cough. Both boys blushed looking around to see a nurse stood in the doorway. 

“I’m afraid visiting hours are over now. I’ll give you a minute to say goodbye.” She said sadly. 

Hayley pressed a kiss to Tyler’s cheek while Ashley squeezed his arm. “See you at school.”

Josh hung back until they were gone before holding Tyler’s hand. He pressed a long kiss to Tyler’s forehead before turning to leave, he saw the nurse hovering and he blushed. 

“Josh?” Tyler called out and Josh turned to him. “What you said before, the last thing you said to me did…” Tyler trailed off shyly. 

“I meant every word.” Josh promised before he was letting the nurse guide him out of the room. 

Tyler smiled to himself like a middle school girl with a crush.


	24. junior year - part too many

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drama, angst and more drama.

Josh was sat in the music room, trying to fix his trumpet when Emma found him. 

“Hey stranger.” She smiled and Josh looked up to greet her.

“Hey.” He laughed. 

“So, I had a good time last night.” She smiled as she pulled up a chair opposite him. 

“Yeah, probably only one more study session and we should have it finished.” Josh said still fiddling with his trumpet. 

“Oh, yeah I guess.” She sounded dejected and Josh gave up on his futile efforts to unstick his trumpet, putting it down. “Did you maybe want to go to iHop to celebrate when we finish? Or the cinema maybe I heard there’s some good films on at the moment?” She seemed so hopeful so Josh nodded awkwardly. 

“Okay!” She said excitedly, “It’s a date.” She grabbed her things standing up and Josh stood up too. 

“A date?” He questioned but she didn’t seem to hear him. Instead she leant forward and pressed her lips to Josh’s. 

Josh froze for a second before realising what was happening and pushing her off gently. 

“Woah, hey, sorry but I-I don’t like you like that Emma.” Josh flushed bright red with embarrassment. Emma looked mortified. 

“I’m sorry, I just thought that- I’m sorry.” Emma covered her mouth before practically running out of the music room. 

“Shit.” Josh breathed out, not sure if he should go after her or not. He decided to give her some space, putting his trumpet away. 

He bumped into Tyler on his way to his locker and Tyler refused to look at him. 

“Hey?” Josh smiled but Tyler didn’t look up. 

“Hey.” He mumbled. 

“Is something wrong?” Josh asked concerned.

“Actually…” Tyler took a deep breath and looked up at him. “I just wanted to say that, I’m moving on so it’s okay if-if you want to.”

“Tyler, what?” Josh stared on baffled, he searched Tyler’s face for an explanation but found nothing. 

“It was stupid to hold onto my feelings for you, I’m sorry. You deserve to be happy.” Tyler forced a smile before pushing past Josh and disappearing down the corridor. 

Josh stared after him, his heart thumping loudly. He couldn’t process what Tyler was saying, that he didn’t like him anymore? That after everything that they’d gone through, Tyler had finally given up waiting for him. He had no one to blame but himself, he ran a shaking hand over his face, realising this is exactly how he must’ve made Tyler feel when he’d walked out on him. He was an idiot and this was nothing short of what he deserved. 

Tyler and Josh seemed to avoid each other for the rest of the week, making everything awkward. But as Saturday arrived and Nick continued to talk about how his party that weekend was sure to be his best yet. 

“Joshua Dun get your scrawny butt down here right this instant!” Ashley Dun shouted up the stairs. Hayley giggled as Josh’s sister huffed angrily trying to put in a pair of hooped earrings. 

Josh huffed and groaned before appearing on the top of the stairs. 

“This is my first high school party. I’m not missing out because you’re being a little bitch over a boy.” Ashley said and Josh pouted. 

“Stop sulking and have a good night Josh.” Hayley whined, putting out grabby hands for him. 

“Fine.” He huffed, he put up a finger to wait before dashing into his room. Hayley and Ashley high-fived with a laugh. 

When Josh re-emerged he was wearing a patterned shirt and docs with his usual skinny jeans. He patted his hair down as he walked down the stairs, letting Hayley hug him appreciatively before practically pushing him out the door. 

The party was already in full swing, Colin found them pretty quickly, thrusting a drink into Josh’s hands before he could even say hello. 

Josh found himself stood alone two hours later a pleasant buzz in his chest as it thudded along to the beat of the song playing. 

“Hey.” Someone said shyly and Josh turned to see Emma tucking a hair behind her ear. 

“Hey, I’m sorry about the other day.” Josh said. 

“It’s okay, sorry I kissed you.” She laughed and Josh laughed too. 

“You’re forgiven.” Josh teased, a friendly conversation sparking up. Josh didn’t notice Tyler leave the room with a sad expression, or the way both Ashleys glared from opposite sides of the room. 

A little while later Josh found himself being dragged by Emma into a circle to play something. 

A few people spun an empty bottle before going off in pairs into one of the store cupboards for seven minutes in heaven. 

“Josh’s turn!” Emma shouted and a few people laughed. 

Josh shrugged and spun the bottle. 

At that moment, Tyler knelt down beside Mark to talk to him, perching with a drink in his hand. The bottle spun to a halt directly on him and Josh felt sure this was some sick joke. Everyone cheered, Mark included almost knocking the cup from Tyler’s hands, sloshing drink over himself. 

“Oh no, I wasn’t playing I was just talking to Mark.” Tyler protested but Michael grabbed him from behind. 

“Thems the rules Tyler.” He shouted, Josh struggling as Nick and Colin grabbed Josh and pushed him towards the closet. 

Both boys tried to protest but then the door was shutting and someone was leaning against it so that neither one of them could escape. 

“Seven minutes starts now!” Michael shouted through the door and both boys groaned. It was pitch black in the cupboard, no way to see one another only hearing their breathing and feeling how close their chests were. 

“This sucks.” Josh complained. 

“You could pretend to be a little less upset about having to spend time with me.” Tyler mumbled and Josh’s head snapped around in the direction of his voice.

“Why, you don’t like me anymore remember?” Josh replied bitterly. 

“What?” Tyler sounded hurt. 

“ _It was stupid to hold onto my feelings for you._ ” Josh mimicked a whiny voice, evidently pissed off. 

“Josh don’t be mad. I was giving you what you wanted.” Tyler huffed. 

“What I wanted?” Josh replied with disgust. 

“You’re obviously with Emma so.” Tyler sniffed pointedly and folded his arms, brushing Josh’s chest as he moved his arms. 

“Tyler I’m not with Emma, I don’t even like Emma like that. What are you even talking about?” Josh asked confused. 

“You kissed her.” Tyler stated. Josh thought about it for a second before realising Tyler must’ve seen them together in the music room. 

“She kissed me and I pushed her off but how did you even…”

“You pushed her off?” Tyler’s voice seemed softer than usual and Josh’s heart skipped dangerously. 

“Of course I did, Tyler I can’t believe you would think-”

“One minute left you guys!” Michael’s booming voice cut Josh off. 

In a moment of panicked spontaneity Josh’s hands fumbled for Tyler’s face. 

“What are yo-” Tyler was cut off my Josh’s lips crashing onto his. 

He instantly reciprocated, pushing his tongue past Josh’s lips, fingers tugging into Josh’s hair in that way that made him fall apart. Josh let his nails bite at the nape of Tyler’s neck, the lack of visibility making everything feel twice as intense. He was dizzy and Tyler’s mouth tasted of Nick’s infamous punch and now Josh was sure they were both a little more drunk than they realised but everything felt right. The world had clicked back into place; Josh hadn’t realised that Tyler was home until just now. He’d been such an idiot. Josh moaned as he was pushed back into the wall, Tyler’s leg pressing into his crotch. 

Tyler began placing biting kisses onto Josh’s neck when the door swung open, flooding the room with light. Tyler instantly stepped back, and Josh could see his lips were swollen and his hair was ruffled hilariously, he imagined he looked worse. He panted hard as Mark burst into laughter. 

“Nick owes me 10 bucks!” He said clapping Michael on the shoulder. 

“He owes me 20.” Michael smirked, stepping aside to let both boys out. 

Josh tried to adjust himself in his pants, the heated kiss having riled him up just a little more than he’d planned. 

For a second he thought Tyler was about to walk off but then he turned back, looking at Josh expectantly, holding out his hand. 

Josh’s chest filled with butterflies as he linked their fingers, scrunching his face up as Tyler reached to pick some fuzz off his cheek. 

When Josh opened his eyes, Debby was charging towards him. 

“What did you do to Emma?” She snapped and Josh took a step back. 

“Nothing?” Josh shrugged. 

“Yeah right, then why’s she crying in the bathroom right now.” Debby look downright murderous and Tyler stepped in her way. 

“Josh has been with me for the past eight minutes he can’t have done anything.” He added calmly but the way he was squeezing Josh’s hand told him he was livid. 

“You’re disgusting.” Debby spat over Tyler’s shoulder at Josh, but Tyler held her back. 

“She’s just upset because Josh doesn’t like her back.” Jenna explained, trying to help. Josh gave her a thankful smile but it quickly dropped when Debby turned on her. 

“Of course you’d defend him, everyone knows what a slut you are. Did you put out for Josh too or just most of the basketball team?” The malice in Debby’s voice was enough to freeze over the Sahara.

“I feel sorry that this is how you deal with your problems, I really do.” Jenna replied calmly and Josh wanted to kiss her. But Debby didn’t seem to agree, instead her fist collided with Jenna’s face, _hard_.


	25. junior year - part yes it's still junior year time isn't real

Jenna fell backwards but Colin, who was stood behind her, caught her instantly. As both boys turned to look at her cupping her cheek with tears in her eyes they saw Zack Joseph storming over, Tyler fisted his hand in his brother’s shirt before he could get too close to Debby. 

“Stay out of it Zack.” He said and his brother gave him a look before turning to see if Jenna was okay. Someone in the background shouted about getting her some ice while someone else threatened to call the cops. 

Nick was quickly trying to diffuse the crowd but Josh remained rigid in his spot behind Tyler, staring wide eyed at the situation. 

Debby scoffed and rolled her eyes at the way people were crowding Jenna with concern. Tyler had had enough, his hands curled into tight fists and his jaw tight he walked directly over to Debby, he got right up in her face as he stood over her and spoke angrily. 

“If you lay a hand on Jenna ever again, no, scratch that, if you even look _twice_ at someone I consider a friend I will not hesitate to rethink my stance on pacifism, do you understand me? You _do not_ wanna know what I’ll do to someone who hurts the people I care about and I’ve already given you too many chances because Josh told me to. Thank your lucky stars that he is the most compassionate, patient person in the universe because if he wasn’t we wouldn’t even be having a conversation right now, do you understand?”

Debby was shaking with fear as she nodded frantically, cowering below Tyler. As soon as Tyler stepped back she was legging it out of the room most likely to find Emma so she can leave. 

Everyone stared at Tyler as he turned around. 

“What?” Tyler asked. 

“Dude that was…” Colin started one hand still on Jenna’s elbow. 

“Savage.” Mark finished. 

“Amazing.” Nick added wistfully.

Tyler rolled his eyes but smiled anyway, before approaching Jenna. “Jenna, are you okay?” He asked softly. 

She nodded, wincing as Hayley started cleaning up the wound on her cheek. One of Debby’s rings cutting a little bit of skin open. Hayley apologised pressing a little more gently. 

“I have a first aid kit in my car, I can fix you up there and then take you home?” Hayley offered and Jenna smiled gratefully. 

“Josh?” Everyone turned around to see Josh’s sister worriedly checking on her brother. 

Josh just stared into space, still rooted to the spot. Tyler approached him slowly, putting a hand on his shoulder which caused Josh to finally look up at him. 

“Come with me.” Tyler said softly, taking Josh by the hand and leading him out of the house. 

As soon as they were situated on Nick’s front porch, Tyler pulled Josh into a hug. 

“Did you mean it? What you said?” Josh mumbled into Tyler’s shoulder. 

“Mean what?” Tyler said, pulling away and caressing Josh’s cheek. 

“What you said to Debby and wh-when you said you only let me go because you thought I moved on?” Josh was shaking and Tyler wanted to make his anxiety go away, he was angry at Debby for causing it. 

“Josh I won’t lie, when I saw her kiss you it-it broke my heart.” Tyler smiled sadly, brushing a stray curl off Josh’s forehead. “I still love you Josh I never stopped.”

“I wasted so much time.” Josh sniffed, leaning into Tyler’s hand that was back on his cheek. 

Tyler shook his head. “Hard to waste much when we have all the time in the world.” Tyler smiled and Josh’s eyes lit up. He instantly pressed his lips to Tyler’s desperate to get back that feeling of the ground sweeping from underneath his feet. 

Tyler thread his fingers through Josh’s hair and kissed back just as desperate to make up for lost time. 

...

When Josh woke up the next morning he smiled as he found himself wrapped around Tyler’s equally naked body. Their limbs tangled together as Tyler ran soft fingertips through Josh’s hair. 

The overwhelming happiness that Josh felt bubbled up his chest and into his nose until his eyes stung with tears and he buried his face into Tyler’s shoulder. 

Tyler hummed and smiled as he kissed Josh’s forehead. 

“You make me so happy.” Josh whispered, like a secret to be treasured. 

Tyler’s heart skipped as he snuggled closer. “Same.” 

Both boys laughed softly, their shared love just bursting out of them. Their moment of bliss was interrupted by Josh’s phone going off. With a sigh Josh placed a kiss to Tyler’s shoulder before he sat up and grabbed his phone. 

He answered the call as Tyler stared at Josh’s back, smiling as he lifted a finger to trace patterns and shapes by connecting the dots. Josh shivered as he hung up. 

“My mom wants me home she said it’s important.” Josh sighed as he turned around. He flopped face first into the pillow beside Tyler and Tyler laughed. 

“Do you want me to drive you?” Tyler asked and Josh looked up with a goofy smile.

“What would I do without you?” Josh asked leaning over to connect their lips. They broke apart when they were smiling too much to kiss properly anymore. 

Tyler stretched and stood up, smacking Josh’s bare exposed bum as he got out of bed. “Come on cutie.”

Josh grunted and buried his head into the pillow once again. He only got up when Tyler started tickling him until he could breathe he was laughing so hard. Happiness bursting out of both boys so much that they practically glowed. 

...

“Hey Hayley have you seen Josh?” Tyler asked catching up the now blonde, the following Monday in a school hallway. 

“His sister said that their dad’s taking them out of school ‘til Wednesday, didn’t Josh tell you?” Hayley said fixing her backpack onto her shoulder. 

“No, we’ve been texting but he didn’t mention it.” Tyler frowned as the two kept walking to their next classes. 

“Are you two okay after Friday? Like I didn’t see you after everything went down, Ashley was worried about him when I took her and Jenna home.” Hayley continued. 

Tyler smiled to himself as he remembered what the two had gotten up to when they’d stopped making out on the porch long enough to go back to Tyler’s house. “Yeah we’re more than okay, I hope.”

Hayley raised an eyebrow, before gasping. She stopped walking to pat him on the back. “You got laid!” 

Tyler’s eyes went wide as he desperately checked around him to see if he was alone, just as he turned Ashley appeared behind them. She flung her arms around their shoulders, and Tyler jumped, still bright red with embarrassment. 

“Are we talking about Ty and Joshie getting frisky in the sheets after he was a _total_ badass?” She smiled and Tyler almost choked. 

“No, we are not.” Tyler scoffed as the trio kept walking. “Who even told you?” 

Ashley seemed to mull over the question for a while. “You did, just now.” She smirked knowingly and Tyler grumbled to himself. “But also Colin went to his house and his sister said he hadn’t come home so we put two and two together.” She laughed and Hayley giggled too. 

“So are you two back together?” Hayley added and Ashley looked at him eagerly. 

Tyler shrunk under their gaze. “Uh… we didn’t talk about it? I don’t wanna push it, I just got him back I don’t wanna overwhelm him.” He shrugged. The bell rang and the three stopped walking to go separate directions for class. 

“We’re happy for you both either way.” Ashley said and Tyler smiled at her. 

“And I’m sure he’ll tell you why he’s not here right now if it’s important.” Hayler added sympathetically. Tyler just hoped she was right. He thanked both girls before jogging off to the class he was already late for.


	26. junior year - part yep still here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont want to spoil it but if you might be triggered by mentions of leaked nudes/people lying about sex etc then be careful ?? idk how to explain it but i know it can be a sensitive topic for some people. also theres mentions of anxiety/panic attacks so pls take care

When Josh returned to school after second period on Wednesday he was too wrapped up in his own head to notice the way people stared or whispered as he passed them. It wasn’t until the end of math in fourth period that he realised something was up. 

“Did you really do it?” 

Josh looked up from where he was trying to shove his books into his bag to see a cheerleader he vaguely recognised standing over his desk. She bit her lip and clutched her books to her chest. Josh furrowed his brow. 

“Do what?”

She frowned and looked him in the eyes, her tone cautious but disgusted. “Convinced Jenna and Emma to send you nudes and then sent them ‘round the school.”  
Josh stared at her in shock, completely baffled, he hadn’t even heard about this happening, he vaguely realised that maybe this had been what Jenna had been distraught about a few months back. He felt anger boil up at the accusation but it was overtaken by his anxiety that people really believed he was responsible, he couldn’t stop shaking, his heart pounding suddenly. 

“Of course not, whoever did that is sick in the head.” He replied, trying to zip his back up but fumbling with it. He stood up but the girl stepped closer to stop him. 

“But you did sleep with Emma at Nick’s party, right? And then ditched her to get with Tyler?” The girl seemed to be accusing him rather than asking and Josh felt sick. 

“Who even told you that?” 

“At Nick’s party, when Emma was crying in the bathroom it was ‘cos you ditched her. Then Debby tried to call you out and Jenna defended you because she hates Debby and Emma ‘cos they told her not to get with you and she didn’t listen.” The girl explained, blinking at him like he was stupid and Josh couldn’t breathe. 

“Why would Jenna defend me if I supposedly leaked her nudes did you ever think about that?” Josh’s balled his hand into a fist trying to calm himself his shaking turning almost violent. 

“Because she’s in love with Tyler and he and his friends like you, so she lets them pass her around just to please him. It’s tragic really.” She sniffed and gave him a patronising look. 

“I don’t know what sick fantasy you’re living in but literally nothing you have said is true. I would never hurt Jenna or Emma.” He stepped closer to the cheerleader, feeling his anger boiling over now. “And don’t _ever_ say that Tyler is like that. He’s her best friend and he’s the nicest guy I’ve ever met and _also_ not that it’s _any_ of your business but he’s the only person I’ve ever had sex with. I’m gonna take a wild guess that Debby told you all of this and if you’re willing to believe her then I feel sorry for you.” He grit his teeth before turning on his heal and walking swiftly out of the room. The cheerleader looked shaken but simply huffed and watched him leave. 

Josh felt his head spinning, he winced as the bell rang, stumbling down the slowly emptying corridor. He leant against some locker to catch his breath before he slid down it to put his head in his hands. He stayed that way until his Spanish teacher came across him. 

“Joshua? Are you alright?”

Josh looked up, sniffing hard and thankful he’d got his breathing under control. 

“Yeah, um, I’m sorry Mrs. F.” He sniffed and stood up, wiping his hands on his jeans nervously. “I know I should be in class I was just gonna go I swear.”

“Joshua is everything alright, do you need to go to the nurse or the councillor’s office maybe?” She seemed concerned but Josh just shook his head. 

“No I’ll be okay but thank you.” Josh ducked his head and went to leave but then he turned back to the woman. 

“Mrs. F?”

“Yes Joshua?”

“W-would it be possible to submit my half of the conversation project early, since you already said I didn’t have to present it?” Josh scuffed his shoe nervously. 

“Alright, but did something happen with Emma, does she know you’re asking to be marked separately?” The teacher asked concerned and Josh shook his head. “Alright well I’ll let her know then.”

Josh smiled and thanked her weakly before heading to the AP English class he was currently missing. When he arrived late the whole class stared at him as he fumbled for his seat trying to keep his head down. Tyler watched him worriedly.

When the class ended twenty minutes later Josh left before Tyler could reach him and he frowned, trying to figure out where he might have gone so he could check he was alright. 

He stopped searching when he found Josh approaching Emma’s locker. He saw the way people watched on and whispered and his heart sank because he’d heard the rumours people were spreading, _no sorry_ , the _lies_. 

“Emma?” Josh asked quietly, afraid as he stood beside her locker. Emma’s head snapped over and she blushed for a second before she seemed to remember something and her face fell. 

“Leave me alone.” She mumbled. Josh furrowed his brow. 

“Why did you tell people we had sex, and that I sent pictures of you to people?” Josh whispered, everything hurt and he could tell it was obvious from Emma’s expression. 

“You lead me on.” She shrugged, sounding miserable before turning to leave. Josh gripped her arm softly making her turn to look at him. 

“We both know I was very clear about my feelings for you Emma. Do you and Debby get a kick out of hurting people? Why would you do that? Why would you do that to yourself?” Josh’s eyes were searching, because he genuinely didn’t seem to understand what he could possibly have done to someone to deserve what they’d just done while his back was turned (aka he wasn’t in school to defend himself). 

Emma’s eyes started to brim with un-spilled tears as she looked up at Josh. 

“You really hurt me, and-and Debby tried to warn me and I didn’t listen and she said I should show you how it felt.” She whispered, her own eyes showing that now she said it back she regretted it, that she’d realised how stupid she’d been. 

“Me telling you I didn’t like you and then getting back with my boyfriend is _not_ the same as telling the entire school that I manipulated you into sending nudes, into _sleeping_ with you like I’m some kind of heartless user.” Josh spat, his grip tightened on her arm a little. 

“You have to tell people you made it up, it’s not fair.” At that she ripped her arm out of his hold. 

“I can’t do that.” She looked disgusted. 

“What? Why not?” Josh said keeping pace with her as she tried to walk away. 

“Because everyone will hate me and I’ll get kicked off STUCO and then I won’t get into any good colleges and my parents will kill me, I-I need a scholarship.”

“Maybe you should’ve thought of that when you let Debby convince you to lie to the whole school.” Josh snapped and Emma stopped to look at him. 

“Fuck you!” She shouted right in his face before running off. Josh stood still in shock as everyone looked around at him. He realised that he’d probably just made everything worse by causing a scene like that and it made him feel sick. 

“Josh?” Tyler asked timidly approaching Josh slowly like he was a wounded animal. 

Josh felt the walls close in and he moved to walk past Tyler. 

“Josh? Talk to me?” Tyler said reaching out for him. Josh flinched out of his grip. 

“I-I have to go.” He said immediately walking down the hallway desperate to get outside to be anywhere other than in the rapidly shrinking hallway. 

“Josh-” Tyler jogged to catch up. 

“Not now Tyler.” Josh snapped before practically running out of the corridor. 

He made it half way across the parking lot before he broke down into heavy tears. He stumbled to his car and crouched beside it, unable to do anything other than choke on his own hiccupping sobs. 

He fell straight into Tyler’s arms when the brunette crouched beside him, rubbing his back soothingly, and pulling Josh into his chest. 

“It’s okay, you’re okay, you’re so strong and wonderful and kind.” Tyler whispered into his hair, repeating praises as he kissed his soft blue curls and rocked him. He didn’t care that he was sat on the parking lot floor, or that some people were watching them. It was lunchtime after all and lots of kids liked to sit outside now the weather was getting warmer, others opting to drive off campus to buy lunch. Tyler only cared about how his entire world was in his arms, feeling so sad it made Tyler want to cry for him. 

“M-my dad got deployed again this morning.” He said into Tyler’s chest and it took a minute for Tyler to understand what he’d said his voice thick and muffled by the combination of heavy tears, a snotty nose and burrowing his face into Tyler’s t-shirt. 

Tyler ran a hand up and down his spine to help him relax. “I’m so sorry Josh.” 

“Did you hear the rumour?” Josh sniffed finally looking up at Tyler. 

Tyler nodded sadly, pressing a kiss to Josh’s forehead. “We can fight it Josh, most people at the party don’t believe her, they saw what really happened, you’re the sweetest person ever anyone with half a brain can see that.” 

Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler’s shoulders and nuzzled into his neck. “Can you come over to my house tonight?” Josh asked against Tyler’s shoulder. 

“Nowhere else I’d rather be.” Tyler said kissing his shoulder. “Can we get some lunch now? I think it will be good for you to eat something?” He asked softly.   
Josh tensed at the thought of having to face a cafeteria full of kids who thought he was disgusting. Tyler pulled him to stand. 

“It would be good to show your face; show people you have nothing to hide. Plus, Sarah, Hayley and Ashley will totally rip apart anyone who even looks at you funny so I don’t think anyone is gonna bother you.” Tyler promised, cradling Josh’s face in his hands and wiping away leftover tears. 

Josh sighed and nodded. Tyler pulled off his hoodie and gently placed it over Josh’s head making him blush and laugh as he put his arms through the arm holes. “But now you’ll be cold.” Josh pouted and Tyler gently kissed him. 

“You’ll just have to stay close so I can share body heat.” He wiggled his eyebrows and Josh rolled his eyes playfully, picking up his backpack and lacing his fingers with Tyler’s. 

He was shaking when they entered the cafeteria, burying his nose into Tyler’s hoodie and trying to make himself as small as possible. Tyler didn’t let go of his hand, even when they were carrying their trays back to the table all their friends sat at. Mark and Hayley moved to make room for both boys as they sat down. Ashley rubbed Josh’s back and kissed his cheek, checking he was okay and he knew he must’ve looked pretty bad, red puffy cheeks and all. 

Jenna reached across the table to squeeze Josh’s hand and he gave her a sad smile. 

“I wish you’d punched that bitch in the face.” Brendon said to Tyler and Tyler looked up from where he was trying to eat tater tots with his left hand and struggling. 

“Trust me, so do I.” Tyler scoffed and Josh let go of his hand, pulling the hoodie sleeves over his hands before folding his arms and leaning on the table. 

“I don’t want any of you getting in trouble over me, it’s not worth it.” Josh muttered, passing his tray over to Brendon who gave him a sad smile before eating his tater tots. Sarah smacked his arm. 

“What, he gave them to me?!” Brendon whispered and Sarah rolled her eyes. 

Hayley giggled as she reached across to eat some herself. 

“Can you at least drink some water for me, please?” Tyler asked, scooting closer and pulling Josh closer by the waist. He frowned as Josh stared at him, his eyes flickered to Tyler’s lips as their faces were so close together. 

Josh snuck a kiss before turning and picking up his water and sipping at it, making Tyler smile widely. Everyone around them watched the exchange with knowing smiles, Michael shaking his head fondly. 

Josh froze when he heard whispering behind him turning to make eye contact with Emma who looked down at her tray as her friends gave Josh disgusted looks. Tyler instinctively put an arm around Josh. 

“What are you looking at?” Ashley spat aggressively like a dog ready to attack. The group of girls scoffed and dispersed to their own seats. 

Josh kept his eyes down at the table, trying not to let it get to him. He rubbed his face with a hoodie covered hand. Tyler picked up his chocolate brownie silently breaking it in half and nudging Josh’s arm to get his attention. 

Josh looked from the brownie in Tyler’s hand to his face, with a soft smile on his face. He rested their foreheads together as he took it. 

“I love you.” He said quietly and Tyler’s heart skipped, smiling like he’d won the lottery because in some ways he had. Josh blushed when he heard Ashley’s “aww” from behind him. 

Tyler kissed the tip of Josh’s nose. “Love you too.” 

Josh smiled as he pulled away before taking a small bite out of his brownie. Ashley slid her arms around him and leant her head on his shoulder. “Happy for you Joshie.” She smiled and he smiled back, eating some more brownie as he rested his head on hers briefly. 

Brendon was first to break the tension, telling perhaps the lamest joke anyone had heard. Everyone groaned but Josh found it hilarious, Tyler instantly laughed because Josh’s laugh was infectious, and it set the rest of them off. And for a moment everything was okay again.


	27. junior year - part i forgot how numbers work

Tyler’s promise that the drama would blow over didn’t seem to be quiet as soon as Josh wanted. It was the following Monday after the gossip had spread and it seemed to only have reached further, spreading amongst freshman, sophomores and even seniors now too. The pictures had been spread all over the school, not just of Emma but the ones of Jenna too. Everyone stared at Josh in disgust, and for a minute Josh actually missed being his freshman self, where people only shouted slurs instead of looking at him like he was scum, where most people in school called him Jonny and didn’t actually know who he was. 

His sister had done her best to help spread the real story along with her friends but there was only so much influence her and her artsy friends could do when they didn’t hold much popularity. 

Josh gripped the sleeves of Tyler’s hoodie, that he’d refused to take off all weekend save for when he showered, the sleeves pulled down over his hands. He kept his head down, hood up and headphones in so that he could shut the world out but he still caught people whispering. 

As he miserably pulled books from his locker someone flicked an earbud out of his ear startling him. 

“Ya know, if you stopped _looking_ like a teenage run away from a drama less people would probably leave you alone more.” His sister said rolling her eyes. 

“Shut up.” He snapped but he pulled his hood down and removed his headphones anyway. “What do you want?” 

“Do you have spare lunch money I forgot mine.” She pleaded and Josh rolled her eyes but fished out a few crumpled bills from his backpack and shoved them in her hands. She thanked him with a kiss to his cheek before heading off to class, he didn’t tell her it was the only money he had on him that day. 

He sighed and tried to ignore people as he went to class. 

He made it all the way to AP English before he started to get overwhelmed. Someone throwing a note at his head that asked if he had any more nudes to share pushed him over the edge. He gripped his desk to try to hide how violently he was shaking and as soon as the bell rang Tyler was at his side. 

He held his hands and guided him up to the roof of the science building, just like they had a million times before. The moment the fire door shut behind them Josh was gasping for breath, bent over and Tyler rubbed his back. 

“Give me the note.” Tyler said slowly when Josh was a bit calmer. Josh fished it out of his pocket and handed it to Tyler who read it and then ripped it in half. 

“Tear it up.” He said handing the crumbled halves to him. Josh stared at him for a second before doing as he said, taking all his anger out on the creased pieces of paper. Eventually letting the wind carry them away. He felt slightly better and he nodded when Tyler asked if it helped. 

“Talk to me.” Tyler said gently, taking Josh’s hands in his and kissing his forehead. 

“I-I feel like some kind of freak show, people look at me like I’m scary.” Josh huffed. “I literally scare people, like they didn’t know I was capable of such disgusting thing and it freaks them out and it freaks me out more that people believe I _would_ do that. There are people who praise me for what they think I did and it makes me feel sick. I can’t cope with the tiptoeing around me and the whispering like I’m some kind of grenade with a loose pin or something, I can’t take all the staring and the negative opinions of me, it’s like I’m suffocating.” 

Tyler squeezed Josh’s hands. His heart hurt and he wanted to kill anyone and everyone who so much as breathed in Josh’s direction but he knew he couldn’t do anything of the sort. He furrowed his brow as he listened to Josh try to hide his sniffles in the collar of Tyler’s favourite Grouplove hoodie, it looked better on Josh than it ever did on him and that made his chest fuzzy. 

“ _Fuck_ everyone else.” Tyler finally said. 

Josh blinked up at him in shock. Tyler only ever swore when they were in more intimate situations and the sudden outburst made Josh blush on instinct. 

“Say it Josh.” Tyler said again and Josh furrowed his brow as he studied the determined look on Tyler’s face, his jaw set. 

“Say what?”

“Fuck everyone else.” Tyler said again. 

Josh just blinked at him. 

“ _Fuck everyone else!_ ” Tyler shouted this time, turning to look out at the rest of the school that was below them. 

“Tyler stop.” Josh said, eyes wide and trying to cover Tyler’s mouth before he could shout it again like he seemed about to do. 

“Not until you say it.” Tyler said with a smirk as he wrestled Josh’s hand away from his mouth. 

“ _Tyler_...” Josh warned.

Tyler gave him a knowing look before turning and shouting even louder than before. “FUCK EVERYONE ELSE!”

Josh sighed, bright red with embarrassment. He rolled his eyes at the expectant puppy dog look Tyler fixed him, trying not to smile at how ridiculous his boyfriend was.   
“ _fuckeveryoneelse._ ” Josh mumbled, scuffing his feet a little, shy.

“Sorry?” Tyler teased. “I don’t think I quite caught that but it sounded to me like a very poor attempt to say FUCK EVERYONE ELSE.” Tyler shouted the last bit at the sky, laughing as Josh smacked him. He looked at Josh in anticipation. 

Josh caved, taking a deep breath and screaming out. “FUCK EVERYONE ELSE!”

Both boys laughed and screamed loudly at the sky, finding it pretty cathartic, breathing heavily and laughing giddily as they felt adrenaline rush through their veins. 

“MY NAME IS TYLER JOSEPH AND IM IN _FUCKING_ LOVE WITH JOSH DUN AND FUCK EVERYONE ELSE!” 

“MY NAME IS JOSH DUN AND I LOVE TYLER JOSEPH SO FUCKING MUCH AND FUCK EVERYONE ELSE!” 

They two boys screamed again before being interrupted by a quitter voice behind them. 

“How fucking high am I right now?” Brendon asked himself, mouth around a cigarette as he lit it up, the roof door just shutting behind him. He blinked as the two laughed breathlessly and shook their heads. 

Before either one could answer him though, the roof door was swinging open and a very stern looking woman was staring at them. Josh knew she was one of the biology teachers but he’d never had her, thankfully, because honestly something about her gave him the heebie jeebies. 

“All three of you to the principal’s office, immediately.” She snapped and Brendon winced as she clocked the cigarette he hadn’t been quick enough to throw away. All three boys bowed their heads and rushed past her off the roof. 

Brendon was dragged into the principal’s office first and Tyler and Josh sat outside the office awkwardly. Josh tapped his leg anxiously and it prompted Tyler to lace their fingers together which made Josh smile a little. They made eye contact and couldn’t stop the almost child-like giggles that they burst into, Tyler covering his mouth and Josh biting his tongue to try and keep them in. 

The teacher stormed past them looking rather disgruntled which caused both boys to look up as Brendon sauntered out the room with a spring in his step. 

“I got off with two detentions and a warning.” He said proudly, pointing finger guns as he practically danced past them both on his way back to class. Josh shook his head as both boys watched him in disbelief. 

The smiles on their faces dropped when they saw Mr. Joseph standing in the office doorway gesturing for them to come inside. 

“Shouting expletives off the roof of the science building really?” Tyler’s father, sorry their _principal_ , huffed rather baffled.

Josh just bowed his head as Tyler shrunk under his father’s gaze.

“Sorry Mr. Joseph, it was my fault, Tyler was just trying to cheer me up and we were stupid I’m sorry.” Josh said and Tyler looked at him before shaking his head. 

“It was my idea and Josh didn’t even want to go along with it.” He said desperately and his father bit back a laugh. 

“Given this is your first offence Joshua, I won’t think twice about letting you off with a warning.” He said pointedly and Josh visibly relaxed. “Tyler as your principal I’ll let you off with a warning too, but as your father I’m confiscating the games consoles when we get home.” Tyler whined but instantly slumped back in his seat when his father looked at him. 

“You better hope we don’t get complaints is all I can say young man.” His father scoffed and Tyler bowed his head. 

“Sorry.” He mumbled into his lap. 

“Okay, now go back to class please.” He said gesturing for his son to leave. “Not you Joshua, I need you to wait outside my office.” The older man added as both boys got up. 

Josh gave Tyler a concerned look as they left the room. 

Before Tyler could even ask Josh what it could be about they heard a familiar voice. 

“Yes, it’s Mrs. Dun I’m here to speak with Principal Joseph about something?” Josh’s mother was leant over the assistant’s desk, huffing as she tried to hold a sleepy Abigail in her arms. She looked frazzled and borderline pissed off and Josh winced when her eyes fell on his. 

“You better not have done something awful Joshua Dun, I raised you better than that.” She huffed and Josh cowered a little. 

“Momma I don’t know what this is about I swear.” He raised his hands in surrender and she softened a little. 

“Sorry to snap honey, but I’ve up all night with Abby she’s not feeling well and I’ve had to keep her off school. I really didn’t need this today of all days.”   
Josh looked at his shoes as he mumbled an apology and Tyler put a reassuring hand on his back. 

“Mrs. Dun I can look after Abby while you speak with my father.” He offered with a polite smile and Mrs. Dun’s eyebrows raised. 

She sighed defeated before handing the younger girl over to Tyler who scooped her up and proceeded to sit with her cuddled into his lap in one of the chairs. 

Josh’s mother was distracted by the assistant telling her something so Josh took the opportunity to kiss Tyler’s forehead and thank him. 

“It’s nothing babe.” He shrugged, holding Josh’s hand and rubbing a thumb across his knuckles. “I’m sure it will be okay whatever it is they have to talk to you about.” He reassured and Josh smiled thankfully, pressing another kiss to his forehead and then one on his sister head as she stirred. 

“Josh.” His mother called softly. Josh turned around to his mother. “They said to wait for him in a classroom, I don’t know where it is but I assume you do?” The older woman asked and Josh waved goodbye to Tyler before asking his mom which classroom and directing her to it. 

He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw who else was sat around the small classroom, his eyes meeting Emma’s terrified ones, followed by Jenna’s puffy red ones. Debby huffed at the sight of him and slumped around in his seat. What appeared to be their parents were scattered around them.

“Joshua please take a seat while we wait for Principal Joseph.” The Vice Principal said gesturing to the forth desk at the front of the classroom. He gulped as he approached it, getting ever more nervous as his eyes finally fell on the police officer who was standing in the corner.


	28. junior year - part only one more junior part after this i promise omg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IF THIS DOESNT MAKE SENSE ITS BC IM V TIRED AND I WILL TRY TO CORRECT IT TOMORROW BUT I SHOULD BE ASLEEP AND PREPPING FOR EXAMS AND YET HERE I AM I HATE MYSELF DHSJHF

Josh stared at his hands as he fiddled with his fingers, he jumped a little when the classroom door opened and the principal walked in, another woman in a suit was following behind him. She only looked like she was in her twenties but she held herself like she was older. 

“Thank you all for waiting.” Mr. Joseph said, holding out the teacher’s chair for the woman to sit, she placed down the file she was holding and began flipping through it. “This is Anna Edwards, she’s working with the police department on this case.” The principal cleared his throat. 

“Usually the school wouldn’t get involved in disputes amongst students but due to Jenna’s decision to press charges against Emma and Debby, well it means that legally we must suspend both students until the investigation has been thoroughly carried out.” The principal continued, talking to the parents in the room who scoffed. Josh’s eyes shot up to where Jenna was sat on the other side of the room, he gave a sympathetic look. 

Debby and Emma’s parents argued with the principal for a minute before he silenced them. 

“I’ll hand over to Anna to explain what’s going on better.” He nodded, stepping back. 

The woman cleared her throat and Josh flinched as he felt his mother’s hands slide onto his shoulders, but he reached up to squeeze them reassuringly. 

“I just wish to get most of the evidence out of the way, so that everyone is clear and then you can dispute it if you feel is necessary.” Anna explain shifting through pages. 

“So Jenna says that Debby assaulted her at a party just over a week ago. Emma was in the bathroom when this supposedly happened so… Joshua? Is it?” She turned to Josh and he sat up straighter nodding. “Well, Joshua, you were there so can you confirm what happened?”

Josh nodded, avoiding the glare Debby was cutting him. “I-I was with Tyler, m-my boyfriend and we were just holding hands standing there and then Debby stormed up to us and called me disgusting, said it was my fault Emma was crying and when Jenna calmly tried to explain why she might have been upset, well, Debby said some nasty things.”

“Did these ‘nasty things’ include calling Jenna a quote-unquote slut by any chance?” The woman asked.

Josh nodded. “Y-yes.”

Debby huffed and folded her arms while her mother scowled behind her. 

“Then what happened Josh?” The police woman pressed. 

“Jenna just said she was sorry Debby felt the need to be so rude and then Debby punched her in the face.” Josh said and Debby’s mother gasped. 

She looked down at her daughter who looked up and put on her saddest face. 

“And you know this boy isn’t lying do you? He’s responsible for spreading disgusting photos after all.” Debby’s mother turned her nose up and Josh’s mother’s grip on his shoulders tightened. 

“We’ll get to that Mrs. Ryan please be patient.” The woman said calmly before turning back to Josh. “Are there any witnesses who can confirm what both you and Jenna have said?”

Josh nodded frantically, licking his lips to try and stop his mouth drying out. “T-Tyler Joseph, his brother Zack too,” his eyes flickered guiltily to the principal. “Urm, Hayley Williams, my sister Ashley, Colin Rigsby, Nick Thomas, Michael Gibson, urm...” Josh listed off a few more people he vaguely remembered being there that he didn’t talk to much. The woman scribbled a few of the names down. 

“Thank you, Jenna provided most of these names but there’s a few more which will help paint a clearer picture, and due to the photographs provided by Jenna’s family of her bruising I think it’s likely a court will issue a restraining order against Debby.” She said with a small smile to Jenna who wiped a tear from her cheek. 

“Now, onto the other grounds for harassment, Josh could you tell me what you were doing that night before the incident?” 

Josh wanted felt all eyes in the room zero in on him and it made him incredibly conscious. He felt his anxiety spike but he tried to fight it. 

“I arrived with my friends, hung around listening to music and then, uh, well, Emma came and apologised to me b-”

“Apologised? What for?” The policewoman interrupted, Josh caught Emma’s tear filled eyes looking at him in his peripheral but he ignored it. 

“A few days before, s-she asked me to hang out, to work on our Spanish project and then maybe to celebrate finishing it, and I said yes at first but then she took it as a date and kissed me.” Josh blushed a little, looking down at his fingers. “I pushed her off and told her I wasn’t interested in her like that and she ran off.” Josh shrugged. 

“So at the party she apologised for her mistake and you forgave her?” The woman asked and both Emma and Josh nodded which caused her eyebrows to shoot up. 

“We talked in the living room, most people who were there saw us, we only moved when she asked me to play spin the bottle.” Josh blurted and the woman nodded and wrote it down. His mother squeezed his shoulders but this time in a way that seemed to be about reassurance. 

“How long was this before the incident?”

“We watched for a bit and then I took a go and then I was with Tyler trapped in a closet for seven minutes.” Now he was definitely blushing, bright red and unable to look up at Mr. Joseph’s face. “Then we’d only been let out a minute or two before Debby arrived.” Josh shrugged. 

Can most of the people you already listed confirm this story. Josh nodded frantically. 

“Then in that case, I’m going to ask you again Emma. Are you sure you want to say that Josh had sex with you that night at all? Let alone say he forced you?” She tried to remain un-patronising, speaking as carefully as she could. Josh almost shouted out that she was liar but he was able to contain himself. 

Emma was crying a little and refusing to look up from the laces of her shoes. She looked at Josh sadly for a second but quickly looked down again, shaking her head. 

“Is that a no you didn’t sleep together? Or a no he didn’t force you?” She asked. 

“H-he didn’t sleep with me.” She mumbled and it was almost inaudible but the woman scribbled something down, seemingly striking something off her notes. Josh visibly relaxed back into his seat. 

“Right, so the final piece of business is the supposed inappropriate photos.” She said and Josh tensed again. 

“Jenna provided copies of her pictures as did Emma, we ran them through a system, and were able to trace the IP address to find where they came from originally.” Both girls in the middle froze and their parents stared at them questioningly. 

“The photos were doctored, with Photoshop, their faces taken from a STUCO photo so we know they weren’t legitimate. Which made them easier to track, which lead us to an anonymous email account that we traced back to you Debby.”

Debby looked like a deer in the headlights and Josh was so disgusted he had to cover his mouth. Debby’s mother gasped in horror. “Deborah Ann.” She snapped and Debby quaked with fear. 

“She used a school computer which meant we could see who was logged into the account at the time and we noticed it was Emma’s account, both a few months back with Jenna’s supposed pictures as well as the other week with Emma’s.” There were some gasps, and Jenna broke down into tears of relief that finally things might be sorted. 

“Having these pictures, is slander as well as potentially classed as possession and distribution of child pornography given you’re all underage. This is a serious crime. Do you have anything to say for yourselves?” The woman asked the two girls who bother cowered, crying. 

Debby’s mother and Emma’s tried to defend their children, but you could tell they were too disgusted by their actions to even look at them. Emma’s father simply trying to bargain against her suspension so she wouldn’t miss out on scholarship opportunities. Both principal joseph the vice principal and the police officer tried to assist Anna in quieting the rabble. 

“Debby made me do it!” Emma shouted when everyone had gone quiet. She stood from her chair. “She told me that Jenna wanted to steal my position on the council and that she was gonna manipulate Josh into not liking me back a-and then when Josh rejected me she told me the only to make him hurt is-is to tell everyone what I did. I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have listened to her, I’m so sorry.” Emma broke down and looked at both Josh and Jenna pleading for forgiveness. Jenna looked away from her, still crying a bit. Josh also looked away, a pang of guilt in his chest that he was mad at himself for, she didn’t deserve his sympathy. 

Debby however, was livid and she screamed “You’re a bitch” at Emma before lunging for her. The police officer in the corner was quick to restrain her and pull her off and Emma sobbed into her father’s shoulder. 

“Right. I think this is very obviously concluded.” Anna said standing and clearing her throat. “We will gather a few more witness statements over the next few weeks in co-operation with the school.”

“Until it is, both Emma and Debby will be suspended and pending the outcome, we may not allow either of you to return to this school, I hope you understand but this school has a zero tolerance for this kind of behaviour or discourse.” Mr. Joseph added and all the parents silently nodded their acknowledgment. 

“Jenna and Josh thank you coming but you can leave now, it’s your choice Mrs. Black, Mrs. Dun if you wish to pull them from school for the rest of the day or not.” He said and instantly Jenna’s mother began guiding her out, Josh was about to follow when Anna approached him and his mother. 

“If you would like to place a restraining order against Debby I can put in a request, seeing as there’s grounds for targeted harassment charges, potentially with Emma too but that’s less likely to get approved. Call me once you’ve thought about it.” She said quietly as Mr. Joseph laid out the terms for suspension with the other two in the background. She handed Josh’s mom her card before the two were smiling and leaving the classroom, Josh glancing back at Emma’s broken face and instantly turning away.

As they headed back to the front desk to meet Tyler his mother was silent. She suddenly stopped walking. “Why didn’t you tell me about any of this Joshua? You’re my baby I’d have helped you sort it sooner.” She seemed sad as she took his face in her hands, pulling him down so she could kiss his forehead. 

“I don’t know, Dad had only been gone for five minutes. I didn’t want to worry you I’m sorry.” His mother kissed his forehead again before letting him go. 

“You can always come to me Joshua, promise you’ll remember that?” She said and Josh mumbled out a soft “promise” as they kept walking. 

“Do you want to come home or stay with Tyler?” She asked, changing the subject. 

Josh blushed at the mention of his boyfriend. “I’d rather come home, Tyler c-can come over after school, right?” He asked shyly and his mother rolled her eyes playfully. 

“Do I really get a choice?” She teased and Josh laughed a little. 

As they turned into the front reception Tyler perked up, he’d been talking to Jenna who thankfully had stopped crying, her head resting on Tyler’s shoulder, gently stroking the hair of Abby’s face as she continued to sleep. 

Laura Dun was quick to fill out the sign out sheet so she could take Abby back from him. 

“She woke up just after you left but I-I sung her a lullaby and she went right back to sleep.” Tyler said scratching the back of his neck and Josh’s heart skipped. Laura smiled fondly, before telling Josh she was headed home and that he should just drive home when he was done speaking to his friends. 

Josh pulled Jenna into a hug, telling her he was proud of her and she let out a watery laugh, that only got louder when Tyler insisted on making it a group hug. 

Jenna wiped her eyes before bidding the two boys goodbye, her mother returning from wherever she’d gone. 

“Thank you.” Josh said when he and Tyler were alone (well alone except for the assistant and a few students who were obviously queuing up to see the principal when he returned). 

Tyler hugged him again. “Of course.”

“Not just for Abby or even today but for everything. For not giving up on me, even when you really should’ve.” Josh said into his shoulder holding him tighter. Tyler shook his head and kissed Josh’s neck gently. 

“Even when you give up on yourself I’ll never give up on you, you cheeseball. I love you.” Tyler said fondly. 

Josh couldn’t help but scrunch up his face as he tried not to laugh. 

“I love you too, _goofball._ ” He teased back and kissed Tyler briefly aware they weren’t actually alone. “See you later?” 

“Nowhere else I’d rather be.” Tyler assured with a mock salute, before grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder. 

He kissed Josh one more time quickly before getting a late pass from the receptionist. Josh blushed and smiled, waving as he headed out to his car.


	29. junior prom - part one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part one of two. :)

The end of junior year brought a dance with it, one that half the junior classmen was excited for, the other half were more excited for the after party.   
Josh’s sister had been invited by a guy from Josh’s homeroom called Andrew and this lead to the two of them being forced to take pictures together while they waited for their dates to arrive. 

“This is so stupid.” Josh muttered as he pulled at his suit sleeves. 

“Stop fidgeting Tyler is gonna think you look great.” Ashley rolled her eyes but not looking over from where she was fixing her lipstick using her phone as a mirror. 

“That’s not why I’m uncomfortable.” Josh huffed but his sister fixed him with a look that made him sit down on the couch and grumble to himself. 

Just as Ashley was about to snap at him for jigging his leg the doorbell rang and Josh shot up off the couch. 

He heard his mother greeting whoever it was and he felt his heart pick up. Tyler walked into the room in a tux looking nervous too. He stopped when he saw Josh, taking in his tight-fitting black tux and black bow tie. 

The look of awe on Tyler’s face as he looked at his boyfriend could only be paralleled by the one on Josh’s as he took in the soft pink tie he wore that matched the colour of Josh’s already faded hair. 

Ashley coughed loudly when both boys continued to just stare at one another, making them both blush and look away. 

“I got you a flower thingy.” Tyler said as he moved over to Josh. Josh blushed again and let Tyler pink the small pink flowers to his jacket. 

“Does this make me the girl?” Josh asked quietly with a snort.

Tyler rolled his eyes as he ran his fingers along Josh’s blazer lapels subtly pulling him closer. “If you were a girl I would like you significantly less.” He replied with a straight face. 

It was Josh’s turn to roll his eyes but both boys couldn’t help but break out into smiles before kissing slowly. They broke apart at the sound of a camera clicking. Josh burying his head on Tyler’s shoulder when he saw his mother was taking pictures. 

When Andrew arrived he seemed to be just as blown away at Ashley as Josh was with Tyler and that caused him to decide that _yeah, he wasn’t too bad after all._

“Can you just smile Josh? I want a nice picture for your father to see.” Mrs. Dun huffed and Josh couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness at the mention of his absent father. He let Tyler pull him closer and smiled for the camera nonetheless. 

Thankfully not a moment later Brendon, Sarah, Colin, Hayley and Ashley were in the expensive car outside, waiting for them and Josh was quick to pull Tyler outside with a shout of goodbye to his mom. 

Once inside the car Colin was quick to pass around a hip flask and Josh may have taken an extra shot just to calm his jitters. Tyler placed a reassuring hand on his thigh, squeezing it so he could get Josh’s attention. 

“You okay?” Tyler asked quietly so only Josh could hear in the now slightly cramped backseat. Josh thought about it for a moment, thought about his friends, and how his friendship circle had expanded to include Sarah and Tyler, Jenna and even Mark, Michael and Nick, sometimes his own sister too. He soaked in the small buzz and the laughter going on around him and thought about how they’d all been there for him this year. He thought about the way Tyler was looking at him right now, full of concern and affection, filling in the holes in Josh’s life with goodness and care and a safe place to land and Josh felt his whole body radiate warmth at the feeling. 

“I’m more than okay.” Josh answered honestly, smiling and sighing wistfully. He shifted a bit closer to Tyler his hooded eyes lingering on Tyler’s lips until Tyler got the hit and gave in to the affection they’d both been craving since they saw each other in their suits for the first time. It wasn’t anything heated, mainly on account of both boys’ awareness that they were not alone at all, but it was enough to sustain them until they could be in private. 

“I can’t wait to see how much better that tux looks on my bedroom floor.” Tyler whispered gruffly in Josh’s ear causing him to blush bright red. Tyler hand rubbing teasing circle on his thigh. 

“Why wait ‘til then, I’m sure Nick’s house has beds.” Josh replied back, catching Tyler of guard but making him bite his lip to stifle a groan. 

“I love you.” Tyler mumbled into Josh’s shoulder causing the older boy to laugh and everyone to look over at the two, except for Brendon and Sarah who were making out beside them. 

“No sex in the car.” Ashley (Halsey) shouted at Brendon and Sarah wrinkling her nose and Sarah tried her best to pry Brendon off her long enough to apologise. 

“Can’t help it, she’s just so beautiful.” Brendon dismissed with a dopey smile and continued trying to kiss her. Everyone else rolled their eyes and made noises of disgust that quickly fell into laughter. 

The dance’s theme was something to do with a midsummer night’s dream and the ceiling of the gymnasium had been covered in fairly lights and there were flowers strewn everywhere, things draped in fake vines and strings of blossoms, it was like a fairytale. Once the group arrived they were quick to split off, some heading for photos and others to dance and the rest towards the punch which Brendon and Colin were disappointed to find had already been spiked.

It wasn’t until a slow song came on that Josh managed to convince Tyler to dance with him, batting his eyelashes and pulling a puppy dog pout until Tyler muttered something about emotional blackmail before getting up and walking to the middle of the dancefloor. 

Josh put his arms around Tyler’s neck as Tyler’s slipped his hands onto Josh’s waist. Yanking him closer which made Josh grunt in surprise. 

Tyler toothily grinned at him, “You were too far away.”

Josh rolled his eyes but smiled anyway and rested their foreheads together. Soaking in the beauty of the moment. 

“Hey Josh?” Tyler said after a perfect silence, his voice clearly hesitant as he too wanted to preserve this moment. Josh pulled his head back so their eyes could meet comfortably, giving a small hum to continue. “We’re boyfriends, right? I-I just mean because well we called ourselves boyfriends before but I don’t know if that’s really what we were or if that was just for your parents sake, but I liked calling you my boyfriend, _a lot_.” Tyler scoffed and Josh moved his hands around to play with the tiny hairs at the nape of Tyler’s neck. “But we never talked about it after Nick’s party but I was kinda hoping boyfriends is what we are.”

Josh smiled widely unable to stop himself, before he was chuckling. Tyler gave him an odd look. “I’ve just been calling you my boyfriend this entire time to people I didn’t even think.” He laughed some more and Tyler shook his head with a laugh of his own. 

The slow song faded out but a new one began playing, the dj saying he was going to keep the slow theme going for a little bit, so neither boy made any preparation to move from their position, still swaying slightly to the music, but otherwise oblivious to the outside world. 

“Now that that’s cleared up, I kinda had something I wanted to say and right now feels good because I kinda wish this moment would go on forever.” Tyler said sheepishly and Josh pushed their foreheads together again. 

“Me too.” Josh sighed dreamily. “What did you wanna say?”

Tyler took a deep breath. “I love you.” He said firmly and Josh smiled. 

“I love you too.” He replied instantly and Tyler relaxed a little. 

“Okay wait, hear me out on this?” Tyler said with another shaky breath and Josh looked up at him, brow furrowed but nodding anyway. His hands moving to cup Tyler’s face softly. 

“I’ve been in love with you since sophomore year,” Tyler began, trying to convey just how deeply he believed in what he was saying. “It just took me a while I realise that’s what it was because, falling for you was the most natural thing in the world to me. I always thought love wasn’t real, that-that I wouldn’t find it and then you came along and suddenly the word love wasn’t some impossible concept, it was barely enough to describe my feelings, in fact it was almost _inadequate_ to describe how you make me feel. 

“You’re the only thing I ever think about Josh, when I wake up, when we’re apart, and when we’re together -oh my gosh- I want to scream from the rooftops at how much of a miracle it is that you’re alive and real and not just some impossible fantasy I made up in my head. I’m in love with you, like full on ‘I-don’t-think-I-can-ever-even-hope-to-love-another-person-half-as-much-as-I-love-you’ kind of love. 

“And I don’t want to overwhelm you or scare you but you’re _it_ for me, _this is it_ , what I feel might just be forever and that terrifies me but it excites me so much too.” Tyler took a deep breath when he finished, blushing and looking anywhere but at Josh. 

There was a silence while Josh let his words soak in, before he was carefully nudging Tyler’s face between his hands until Tyler’s brown eyes found Josh’s watering hazel. “You’re an entire universe on your own Tyler Joseph, you know that?” Josh said, voice shaky from un-spilled tears. “I’ve been in love with you since you kissed me in that gross science block toilet.” He sniffed with a watery laugh and Tyler’s heart felt like it had swollen in his chest. 

He instantly crashed their lips together, time standing still, there was nothing to the universe but the two of them, nothing was real but Josh’s hand gripping Tyler’s shoulders and Tyler’s nails biting Josh’s hips and the firm pressure of their lips on one another. Kissing like the world was going to end but simultaneously didn’t exist at all, because the only thing they needed was to know that this was forever, that they had all the time in the world because time wasn’t an issue anymore. They didn’t need oxygen, or gravity, their touch was what kept them clinging onto the earth, and if breathing meant stopping the almost bruising melding of their lips and tongues then breathing was overrated and no longer something they needed. 

Eventually though, they actually were so light-headed they had to break apart, because neither one particularly wanted to explain to a paramedic that they’d kissed their boyfriend so hard they passed out at their junior prom. Although Josh figured it’d be the least embarrassing rumour spread about him through the school. 

“Gosh.” Tyler huffed out, his shirt collar crumpled, hair askew and lips red and swollen. Josh tried to push the dirty thoughts back down because the only thing more mortifying than passing out at a school dance would be popping a boner at one. 

“So, forever huh?” Josh asked, still panting himself. 

Tyler rolled his eyes playfully. “Yeah, sounds about right.” He smirked, wrapping his hands around Josh’s waist and pulling him close. 

The two burst into fits of soft giggles as they slow-danced for the remaining few seconds of the song, Tyler placing a soft kiss to Josh’s nose as it faded out. Yeah, forever was looking pretty darn good, if Josh did say so himself.


	30. junior prom - part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw// brief mention of vomiting

Tyler dragged his chair closer to Josh’s so they could sit pressed up against one another as he handed Josh a glass of punch. Josh smiled and let Tyler kiss his forehead before he settled his head on Tyler’s shoulder. 

“Has everyone voted?” Jenna asked as they all sat around their table. Some people shook their heads. 

“Voted for what?” Mark asked as he sat down beside Tyler. 

“Prom King and Queen.” Sarah replied excitedly.   
“Oh yeah, I voted for Tyler and Josh.” Mark shrugged and everyone looked at him, Josh confused and blushing. 

“Dude same, I just wrote Josh’s name in under Queen.” Hayley laughed. 

“Me too!” Jenna laughed. 

Josh went bright red. “Why do I have to be the Queen?”

“Because Tyler is legitimately nominated for Prom King.” Sarah replied like it was obvious. 

Josh lifted his head to look at Tyler’s guilty and embarrassed expression. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Josh asked with a pout and Tyler let out a nervous chuckle. 

“Because it’s not a big deal. Michael and Jenna are gonna win anyway.” He shrugged and Michael snorted. 

“I don’t even know why I’m nominated, you’re the obvious choice dude.” 

Tyler rolled his eyes but Josh nodded. Quickly hurrying over to the ballot box to vote for Tyler and Jenna seeing as she was the obvious choice for prom queen, especially because she deserved a win after the year she’d had. 

“Who’d you vote for?” Mark teased as Josh sat back down again. 

Josh bit back a smile as he came back with. “Sarah for King and Brendon for drama Queen.” 

Tyler burst out laughing clapping a hand to his chest and doubling over which made Josh’s whole body tingle with happiness at the sight. 

“Bitch I would look fabulous in a tiara.” Brendon said with a smirk and Sarah rolled her eyes with a smile. 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night baby.” She teased before kissing his cheek. Brendon scoffed but didn’t replied. 

The conversation turning towards something else, people breaking off into their own conversations, others coming and going from the dancefloor to the table. 

When it was finally time to announce the Prom King and Queen most of the teens there were buzzed off punch and gearing up to take the party back to Nick’s house or wherever else there was a party going. 

No one was shocked when Tyler won Prom King by a landslide. Josh cheered the loudest, pushing Tyler towards the stage because he was being stubborn and whining. Josh beamed at Tyler as he thanked people for voting and let someone put a plastic crown on his head and a sash over his head. He felt ridiculous and stood awkwardly in his tux but he smiled when he saw Josh’s little eyebrow wiggle from the crowd. 

Josh held his breath as they announced Prom Queen, but was instantly happy and relieved when Jenna’s name was called. He cheered and clapped with his friends and jokingly wolf whistled when Tyler had to slow dance with Jenna causing him to huff and Jenna to throw her head back in laughter. 

Watching them fondly now was funny to Josh, to think that there was a time he was jealous of the two of them together and then he remembered how Jenna was the first person Tyler had told about Josh and how she’d helped Tyler to come to terms with his feelings for him when everyone else had been completely clueless. He was grateful for her presence now and suddenly one memory was bubbling in his gut and making him feel queasy all of a sudden. He frowned. 

He forced himself out of his head as he heard clapping seeing Tyler and Jenna splitting apart as the song finished and he smiled when Tyler came over and put his crown on Josh’s head, smacking a kiss to his lips before Josh could process what was happening. The pair laughed and danced with their friends until Nick said he was leaving to set up the party causing half the gym to empty out. 

About an hour into the party and Josh had lost both a game of Kings and his boyfriend. He did however, find Hayley and Ashley with a table full of Jell-O shots which were probably 90% alcohol. 

Josh swayed as he stumbled through the house, the loud music thumping through his skull, he knew he needed to get some air that wasn’t stale with spirits and beer so he scrambled to the porch. 

When he got outside he took a deep breath before falling onto a bench, it was then he realised that Jenna was sat beside him talking to someone else. His mind whirled as he remembered his earlier thoughts, his drunk brain sluggish but also desperate to cling to his guilt and regret. 

“Josh are you okay?” Jenna asked finally noticing his presence. The guy she was talking to was gone and Josh wondered if he’d imagined him. He blinked and swayed. “Josh?” Jenna said again, more worried now, putting a hand on his arm. 

“Jenna, I have to tell you something!” Josh blurted, surprisingly not slurring much. 

“What’s up?” She asked her eyes still held worry but she looked amused. 

“When you and Tyler were together, like a couple, right before he broke up with you actually.. well I-” Josh began, trying to force words out his mouth while drunk was harder than he expected, especially because he felt far more in control in his head than his body wanted to let on. 

“You kissed him?” Jenna interrupted seeming to understand. 

“Well yes, but, I kinda gave him a blowjob in the school toilet and told him you’d never make him feel that way and I’m so sorry I did that.” Josh blurted again. Too drunk to filter himself. 

“Okay...” Jenna laughed, as if waiting for him to continue. He blinked at her. 

“Okay?”

“Josh I’m not mad, besides Tyler told me.” Jenna laughed again. 

“H-he did?”

“Yeah, but thank you for the apology.” She smiled. 

Josh sighed with relief, overcome with the feeling. He rubbed his eyes. “I really am sorry I didn’t mean to do that to you it was so shitty I was just so mad at Tyler and the situation and I took it out on you I guess?”

“Josh, you’re drunk, please don’t get worked up about this.” Jenna smiled sympathetically, putting a hand on his shoulder to hold him upright. “I completely understand and besides Tyler consented to all of it, he’s just as guilty. It’s all water under the bridge, I’m just happy you guys are finally together instead of lying to yourselves about how in love you are.”

“Thanks Jenna, you’re so great, it’s not fair how great you are the world doesn’t deserve someone so great.” Josh rambled, slumping down to put his head in her lap. 

“Josh it’s okay. You’re drunk.” Jenna laughed again, running her fingers through his hair. The action was so soothing and Josh was so relieved that he couldn’t stop the tears that began falling. “Oh gosh… please don’t cry, Josh.”

“I’m not crying I’m just- I think I’m gonna lie down now.” Josh mumbled, hiding his face with his hands. 

“Josh you are lay down.” Jenna laughed but this time her worry was too much. Just then Tyler poked his head out, obviously looking for someone, he instantly walked over when he saw Josh and Jenna. 

“Baby you okay?” He asked crouching down to talk to Josh, a hand gently squeezing his arm. Josh just groaned and kept his face hidden. Tyler furrowed his brow and looked up at Jenna. “Is he okay?”  
“Just got a bit emotional. I think you should take him home.” Jenna said still running her hands over Josh’s hair. 

“Yeah?” Tyler asked, trying to pull Josh’s hands from his face. Jenna nodded but Tyler didn’t see. Too focused on getting Josh up off Jenna’s lap. “Okay come on cutie.” Josh instantly went limp beginning to flop over the arm of the bench. “No, no, Josh that is not a bed baby, come on- that’s it.” Josh finally let Tyler help him stand, leaning heavily on him. “What happened?” Tyler asked frantically after taking in Josh’s state. 

“Nothing he’s just drunk.” Jenna shrugged. Tyler gave her an apologetic smile before guiding Josh towards the porch steps so he could take him back to the car. 

“Jenna said I’m not a bad person for giving you a blowjob.” Josh slurred out. 

“What?” Tyler laughed, completely taken by surprise at his boyfriends (supposedly random) comment. “Of course you aren’t.” Tyler assured and Josh grinned at him. Tyler rolled his eyes and was about to take him down the steps when Josh froze, recognising the song playing and cheering. He instantly let go of Tyler and ran back into the house. 

“Josh come back! Josh!” Tyler called out, but he was gone. “ _Fuck_.”

“Joshie!” Ashley shouted pulling Josh in for a hug as he joined his group of friends to dance around to the song. 

Tyler instantly came over to him, letting Josh take his hands and dance around with him despite being reluctant to do anything more than stand still and turn when Josh ran around him. 

“I love you so much!” Josh shouted over the music. 

Tyler smiled and shouted back. “I love you more.” 

Josh smiled and moved in closer, kissing Tyler sloppily. Tyler reciprocated instinctively, moaning when Josh pulled him closer, grinding on him in time to the music. Josh finally pulled apart to ask Tyler if they could go back to his house. 

Knowing how drunk Josh was Tyler used his desire to leave and nodded. Waving bye to people as he dragged through the house and outside once again. 

He got Josh into his room with only a little struggle because drunk Josh and stairs didn’t seem to agree it seemed. 

Josh kissed Tyler furiously once they were in his room but Tyler gently nudged him off. “Lie down.” He said and Josh did so, his cheeks red and eyelids heavy from alcohol, flopping back onto Tyler’s bed. 

Tyler went over to his drawers and pulled out some clothes for himself and Josh to sleep in. He smiled fondly when he saw that Josh was already passed out asleep. He carefully helped Josh out of his clothes and into the more comfy pyjamas, knowing Josh would be grateful. 

Once he was changed himself, he went downstairs to get some water and aspirin for Josh. When he came back he found the bathroom door cracked open and light leaking through, he heard retching and quickly went inside. 

“Oh baby, it’s okay, it’s gonna be okay.” Tyler soothed crouching beside his boyfriend, rubbing his back as he continued to sob and be sick. 

“I’m sorry.” Josh sobbed out but Tyler shushed him, helping his sip some water. 

Thankfully it was over pretty quickly and he was able to get Josh cleaned up and his teeth brushed with a spare toothbrush. He helped him into bed and cuddled up beside him. 

He whispered soft reassurances into Josh’s shoulder and pressed gentle kisses into Josh’s shoulder. 

“Tonight was really great, until that.” Josh said croakily. 

“I’m glad you had a good time Josh, I love you.” Tyler said and Josh hiccupped. 

“I love cats.” Josh mumbled toeing the line between sleep and consciousness. Tyler chuckled and pulled Josh closer. 

“I know baby. They love you too.” Tyler replied softly, humming Josh to sleep with a smile on both their faces.


	31. senior year - part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a party. someone spikes the drinks. theres drama. poor sober joshie has to deal with it all. 
> 
> tw// v*miting, dubious consent in regards to kissing?
> 
> also all of this has happened to me or a close friend, so dont try to say this is completely exaggerated or unrealistic

The summer before senior year was filled with trips to the lake, forest campouts and stuffy concerts in bars they were too young to get drinks in, but Josh didn’t care, he was having the best summer he’d had in a long time. He had a huge group of friends and a million funny memories by the end of the break that he didn’t even care how cliché it was.

 

He should’ve known life was going too well, that people were too happy for things to ever stay this way.

 

The party had started off as usual, the usual huge group of kids piling into Nick’s house to celebrate the nearing end of summer break.

 

“Josh pour some drinks I want to toast the end of summer.” Ashley drunkenly shouted over the music and Josh rolled his eyes playfully before grabbing a vodka bottle off the kitchen counter behind him and pouring it into enough cups for everyone. People filled their own glasses with mixers as they wanted before Brendon raised his glass in the air, waiting for everyone else to copy. Colin and Michael opted to open a beer instead and Josh quickly grabbed a can of red bull off the side, staying sober to be designated driver.

 

“To the end of the best summer ever!” Ashley shouted and everyone cheered before downing their drinks, some of them immediately pouring more for themselves before they dispersed, couples breaking off and such to mingle.

 

“This tastes like shit.” Tyler said with a grimace as he drank more of his drink. Josh laughed and rolled his eyes, resting his forehead against Tyler’s.

 

“Stop drinking it then.” He teased and Tyler fixed him with a look before closing the gap and kissing Josh sloppily. Josh stumbled back until his back was pressed into the kitchen counter as Tyler pressed against him, deepening the kiss.

 

Josh sighed contently against his mouth, pushing back a little because he knew it only spurred Tyler on. Eventually they pulled apart and Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler’s shoulders, moving in to hug him tightly before pulling away after a minute.

 

Tyler took another sip of the drink and winced as he finished it off. “Disgusting.”

 

Josh laughed, putting his head on Tyler’s shoulder with a shake.

 

Tyler poured himself a third drink with the nasty alcohol which made Josh give him an exasperated look. Tyler shrugged before guiding him into the lounge, sitting on the couch and pulling Josh onto his lap.

 

They sat talking to some people they knew who were also stood by the couch. After a while Tyler began leaning against Josh’s back lazily and Josh turned to look at him, worried.

 

“This is so gross.” Tyler said looking at his red cup. “Here, try it.” He slurred out and Josh just managed to move his head back before the cup hit him. He did however smell the drink and it didn’t smell right. He grabbed Tyler’s flailing hand, sniffing the drink again and frowning.

 

“Ty, what does it taste like?” He asked, tone serious but Tyler was blinking slowly, evidently incredibly drunk. He gave Josh a weird look and Josh turned to face him properly, getting off his lap and crouching in front of him. “Ty, look at me, is it salty? Does it taste salty?” Josh asked taking the cup off Tyler and holding his shoulders tightly to get his attention.

 

“Yes.” Tyler finally muttered out, his head lolling the tiniest bit.

“Tyler it’s not meant to taste salty, that means it’s been spiked. How are you feeling?” Tyler blinked at him.

 

“I feel great, wanna make out with you more though.” Tyler said yanking Josh closer and kissing him. It caught Josh off-guard and it took him a second to pull back, especially as Tyler followed his movement.

 

“Later, I promise.” Josh said, standing up. “Stay here, I’ll be right back.”

 

Tyler nodded and pouted his lips as a gesture to kiss him and Josh sighed, bending down to peck him on the lips before heading back towards the kitchen.

 

He located the bottle from before and found there was only a small amount left in the bottle, he opened it and sniffed it, gagging at the strong smell. It smelt off too, like Tyler’s drink and angrily he tipped what was left down the sink.

 

“Hey, don’t waste shit!” Nick said discovering him.

 

“Is this yours?” Josh snapped and Nick frowned, clearly pretty drunk but not spiked like Tyler, he was much less drowsy. He looked at the bottle and shook his head.

 

“Nah but like people bring whatever shit so I couldn’t say who did.” Nick shrugged before calling after some girl and walking over to her.

 

Josh rolled his eyes, and put the bottle on the side. He ran a hand down his face and resigned to not being able to figure out who spiked it and went in search of Tyler, wanting to get him to back to his house so he could look after him.

 

However, when Josh re-entered the lounge, Tyler was gone and instead two people were furiously making out on the couch. Josh blinked, he instantly realised it was Brendon and assumed the girl with black shoulder length hair was Sarah until they moved around and he realised it was Ashley. Josh instantly moved over to them, yanking them apart.

 

Ashley flopped down onto the couch, hair covering her face as she giggled drunkenly. Brendon blinked and lolled his head a little and dread shot up Josh’s spine.

 

“What are you doing?!” He shouted over the music, but he probably would’ve shouted even if there wasn’t any. Brendon shrugged. “You have a girlfriend!” Josh said and Brendon just blinked at him.

 

“Yeah I know.” He pointed to Ashley, whose face was still covered.

 

“Brendon that’s Ashley not Sarah. Where is Sarah?” At the words Brendon’s eyes widened almost comically slowly, and Josh realised he was completely out of it. He looked around for where Sarah could be but she was gone, when he turned back Ashley was sat up in Brendon’s lap about to kiss him again but Josh pulled her away from him.

 

“Stop it.” He hissed at her and she turned to him, about to try to kiss him too but he moved away. “You need to go home.” He said and she frowned.

 

“Fuck you.” She shouted before running away and Josh put his hands to his head, he was about ready to scream with how messed up the whole evening was going.

 

“Find Sarah. Sarah, Brendon, no one else, Sarah.” Josh said to Brendon, pointing at him and Brendon nodded getting up and walking somewhere, leaving Josh to try to figure out where Tyler would’ve gone. He refused to process what had just happened, he’d deal with it in the morning when he was close to having an anxiety attack.

 

With a deep breath Josh pulled out his phone and text Tyler. He then weaved through the crowd of people and headed upstairs, checking bedrooms. He went to push open one door and some girl stopped him.

 

“Two people just went in there I don’t think you wanna do that.”

 

“Was one of them Tyler Joseph?” He asked, dreading the answer but the girl shook her head. “Thank you.” Josh smiled before heading down the corridor.

At the end of it he saw Jenna, pressed up against the wall, her head turned away from some drunk guy who was pushing his forehead onto hers. She pushed him off but he moved back against her.

 

“Hey asshole!” Josh shouted, surprising himself. He stormed over to the guy and shoved him off Jenna. “She’s not interested, get lost.”

 

The guy squared up to Josh but Josh held his ground, “whatever.” The guy muttered before pushing past Josh to go somewhere else.

 

Jenna was in the same state as his other friends and Josh felt sorry for her.

 

“Joshie… I- I don’t feel so good.” She said and Josh took her hand, dragging her down the corridor to the bathroom and just getting her to the toilet before she puked in it. Like a good friend Josh held her hair back and stroked her back as she kept going.

 

When she calmed down, she rested her head on the toilet seat, a few tears leaking out of her eyes and Josh tucked her hair behind her ear and held her hand. With his free hand he checked his phone, Tyler had replied but it symbols instead of letters so Josh had no clue what he’d meant to put.

 

“It’s gonna be okay Jen.” Josh smiled apologetically and Jenna nodded, crying a bit more. She hiccupped and turned her head to throw up again and Josh winced.

 

“Is she okay?”

 

Josh turned around to see Michael standing in the doorway. Josh shook his head, rubbing her back.

 

“That vodka they all toasted with was spiked, I can’t find Tyler, I caught Brendon and Ashley making out, now Jen’s not well, I’m in over my head Michael.” Josh said, fed up.

 

“I’ll take care of her you go find Tyler.” Michael said crouching down to rub Jenna’s side. She finally finished spitting into the toilet bowl to turn to him, mascara had run down her cheeks as she cried and Josh frowned.

 

With her permission Michael picked her up like a child, her arms and legs wrapped around him and he began walking her out of the room to get her somewhere to lie down.

 

As Josh followed them out of the room he walked into Hayley, leaving the room from earlier that the girl had said two people went into. His eyes widened. Hayley refused to look at him, instead dodging into the bathroom and shutting the door.

 

Josh realised he didn’t even want to know and he decided to just hurry up and find Tyler so the night could be over already. He immediately ran down the stairs, before heading outside, he almost cried with relief when he found Tyler sat on the porch, talking to a girl. The girl was flirting pretty shamelessly and Josh felt jealousy rise in his chest.

 

“Ty.” He called out, immediately pulling Tyler up off the bench. Tyler smiled widely at the sight of him, swaying and stumbling into Josh’s arms. Josh gave the girl on the bench a glare before kissing Tyler briefly to assert his territory. The girl immediately got up and moved back inside the house and Josh smirked triumphantly.

 

Tyler went in for another kiss and Josh took his face into his hands. “Please just let me take you home, you’re not okay Ty.” Josh said and Tyler leant on him heavily, nodding and burying his head into Josh’s neck.

 

Brendon materialised beside them and Josh looked up at him, he looked rough. At the questioning look Josh gave him he replied flatly.

 

“I threw up in the sink.” Josh wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Have you seen Sarah, I can’t find her I’m worried.” Josh shook his head.

 

“Come on I’ll help you look.” He resigned. He laced his fingers with Tyler’s and pulled him along with him. “You don’t let go of my hand for anything okay?” He said and Tyler responded with a cheesy grin.

 

They searched the lounge and a few of the other rooms in the house and were about to head upstairs when someone shouted something catching their attention.

 

A few people flocked to the kitchen, something shocking had obviously happened. Josh pushed his way through, Tyler being tugged behind him. He froze when he saw Sarah collapsed on the floor, one of her cheer friends trying to hold her head up.

 

Brendon elbowed his way through, instantly dropping beside her.

 

“What happened?”

 

“She just, she was shaking and I told her to sit down and then she just collapsed.”

 

“She’s diabetic, she could be in shock this- we need to get her to hospital right now!” Brendon shouted frantically, pulling Sarah into his arms, he was still kinda drunk and crying.

 

“I’ll drive you can you carry her?” Josh said and Brendon nodded, scooping her up bridal style and hurriedly following where Josh was guiding Tyler through the house, shouting for people to clear a path.

 

He was quick to get Tyler into his car first before helping Brendon get Sarah in the backseat. He drove as fast as was legal.

 

“You know what this is the worst party, and we’ve been to some bad ones.” Josh scoffed, trying to ignore the way he was shaking.

 

Tyler whimpered and Josh turned to look at him, he looked pale. Josh opened the window beside him and guided his head to lean out of it.

 

“If you’re gonna puke, out the window.” He said, too tired to be gentle.

 

He tried to zone out the sounds as he got closer to the hospital, pulling into a space and helping, Brendon carry Sarah out. All three boys running inside.

 

A nurse instantly called a doctor as Brendon and Josh explained what happened.

 

“Female, Seventeen years of age. Diabetic type one, potential hypoglycaemia, drugged at a party, no way to know what with…” The doctors explained as they carted her down the hall, Brendon holding her hand until a doctor stopped him, forcing him to stay put.

 

“She’s my girlfriend!” He shouted but the nurses simply told him he needed to stay put. “I love her, you can’t do this!” He protested and a nurse held him back.

 

“Sir, have you been drinking?” Someone asked and Josh stepped in, grabbing Brendon by the shoulders and guiding him back to the waiting area.

 

“Okay Bren just, come wait with me before you get us kicked out.” He said and Brendon bowed his head, dejected.

 

The three boys sat in the waiting area, Tyler with the bin between his knees as he threw up into it, the nurses giving them filthy looks. Brendon tapped his leg impatiently as Josh rubbed Tyler’s back soothingly. _Yeah, he definitely should’ve known life was going too well._


	32. senior year - part two

 

"Bren?" Josh cleared his throat awkwardly, hanging back in the doorway of Sarah’s hospital room. She’d been stabilised and left to sleep in a private room. Her parents had been informed and were on their way over.

Brendon looked up slowly at the call of his name. He looked exhausted and worn down, his eyes sunken and dark, hair a mess from where he'd ran his hands through it anxiously all night. He could barely sit upright in his chair, but he remained determined to sit at Sarah's bedside, his hand firmly around hers.

"You need to sleep and have a shower, you look dead." Josh said gently, as though talking to a small child. Anyone could see Brendon was hanging on by a thread.

"No-no, I'm gonna stay, wait for her to wake up. I don't want her to be alone." He said, his voice hoarse.

Josh moved to his side, crouching down so he was eye-level. He put a hand on Brendon's knee for comfort. "It's not your fault, none of this is your fault Bren."

"How can you say that?" Brendon almost snapped his eyes brimmed with tears, he stared down at where his hand encased Sarah's like a life line. "I cheated on her and I left her. I should've been there, then maybe-maybe this wouldn't have happened."

"Brendon, she was drugged and so were you. So was Ashley. None of you were in your right minds, even if you'd been with Sarah when she collapsed it wouldn't have made much of a difference. The fact that you feel so horrible about what happens proves you care. I'll talk to Sarah; she will understand it was a drugged mistake. This isn't your _fault_."

Brendon squeezed his eyes shut. "I was supposed to keep her safe, I promised. I- _shit_ \- I want to marry her one day Josh, and I know you know what that feels like because I see the way you and Tyler look at each other. And instead I’ve thrown it all away and put her in danger and I almost lost her, it fucking hurts man." Brendon broke down then, sobbing into Josh's shoulder as he pulled him into a hug, soothing him.

"Stop this, stop being self-destructive right now. Focus on Sarah, you love her right?" Josh asked pulling away and holding Brendon by the shoulders. Brendon nodded, taking heavy sniffs to get rid of the overwhelming emotions. "Then be here for her now. Make up for not being there before. Be here for her, nothing else matters, no what ifs, it happened, so stop thinking about the past and figure out what you're gonna do to get the future you want Bren. Be here when she wakes up, look after her, have an honest talk about what happened and tell her how important she is and how much hurt you're feeling. Relationships are about communication and trust; you’ll get through this."

"Okay." Brendon sniffed, taking hold of Sarah's hand again as she continued to sleep.

Josh gave Brendon a sloppy peck on the forehead as he stood up, causing Brendon to let out a snotty laugh.

"Thanks Josh."

"What are best friends for?" Josh smirked, he pat Brendon on the back. "You gonna be alright if we leave? I need to get Ty to bed."

Both boys laughed a little and Brendon smiled slightly rubbing his eyes with his free hand.

"Yeah, I’ll be okay, go take care of your boyfriend."

With a smile and another pat on the back Josh left the room, yawning and making his way back to the waiting room.

Tyler had his head in his hands and Josh instantly wrapped an arm around him pulling him up to stand.

"Let's go home." He sighed and Tyler leant into him, resting his head on Josh's shoulder.

"I'm never drinking again." Tyler groaned and Josh huffed out a laugh.

“Can I get that in writing?” Josh teased and Tyler only shoved him weakly as they headed over to Josh’s car.

Josh was quick to get them back to his house, practically shoving Tyler into the bathroom immediately, helping him into the shower tiredly.

They took forever in the shower purely because they were both like zombies, too tired to move properly. Eventually they got out, Josh shoving a spare toothbrush at Tyler.

They quickly redressed into comfier clothes and Josh fetched Tyler water and pain killers, now the drugs were out of his system he was suffering the worst hangover of his life.

They were quick to settle into bed and Tyler let Josh wrap around him for about five minutes before he was groaning.

“Can I be big spoon? Your hands are pressing on my stomach and I still feel kinda like I’m gonna puke.”

Josh couldn’t help but laugh.

“That’s charming, thank you for that.” He scoffed but removed his arms and rolled over so Tyler could spoon him.

Tyler kissed his shoulder. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled into the material of Josh’s t-shirt.

“No need to apologise Ty.” Josh hummed fondly, already drifting off.

There was no real fallout from the party so much as some huge elephants in the room. Hayley seemed to be avoiding one of the basketball boys but seeing as they were always together it was hard to say who. Ashley locked herself away for a while, punishing herself for the mix up. Brendon and Sarah only seemed to grow closer however, and Josh was grateful for at least something good.

Josh’s usual squad, or what Tyler had fondly dubbed “The Breakfast Club” (Hayley, Colin, Brendon, Josh and Ashley) along with Sarah and Tyler all went for pancakes on the last Friday before school started up again.

Things had been slightly tense as Ashley and Brendon sat opposite each other, but the awkward silence as people ate was cut by an outburst.

“Hayley slept with Mark!”

All eyes immediately snapped up to Ashley as the entire table blinked at her in shock.

“I hate you.” Hayley snapped, hiding her face in her hands.

Everyone’s eyebrows shot up.

“Wait what?” Brendon asked.

“Mark like Tyler’s best friend Mark?” Colin clarified.

Ashley nodded as Hayley continued to hide her face.

“I want no part in this drama.” Josh said before shovelling another wedge of his pancake stack in his mouth. Tyler fixed him with a look but Josh just returned it.

“It was a mistake, we’re pretending it didn’t happen, alright?” Hayley snapped and everyone shrugged, Brendon trying to talk to Tyler about something else so everyone could forget the outburst.

“That party was a mess from start to finish can we never fucking do that again.” Colin finally said, when another silence created itself. “Listen, you were all drugged, you all made mistakes, just move on or pretend they didn’t happen either way we need to get this tension shit over with because I just wanna enjoy my damn pancakes guys.”

“Agreed.” Josh said and Tyler nodded.

“Fine with me.” Hayley said holding her hands up in surrender.

“The less I remember of that night the better.” Brendon said after sharing a look with Sarah.

“Well, I actually don’t remember that night so.” Sarah resigned, popping a strawberry into her mouth and leaning further into Brendon’s side.

The entire table turned to Ashley as the only one who hadn’t spoken up. She smiled awkwardly. “Yes please.”

Everyone nodded them, seeming set on the decision, and it was like a switch was flicked, instead of trying to force conversation, it happened naturally again.

Sure, it wouldn’t always be that smooth, but as Josh laughed as Colin and Brendon had a “sword” fight with their forks, he realised it would all work out in the end, his friends were just cool like that.

So, when he woke up a few days later, to his alarm and the realisation that he was officially a senior he wasn’t dreading the first day of school quite as much as he thought he would.

He drove Ashley and a now freshman, Jordan to school. He kissed Tyler in the hallway, he ate lunch with his friends, he got lost on the way to only one class which would’ve been impressive if it wasn’t the case that it was one of the only classes he didn’t share with Tyler and that without Tyler he’d probably have gotten lost a lot more. And when that final bell rang, he realised there were worse things than school (sometimes).

“Baby we’re having a Mario Kart league tonight, come on it’ll be fun.” Tyler whined, pushing Josh up against the side of his car.

Josh laughed and shook his head. “I told you I have to take Ashley and Jordan home.”

“So come over after?” Tyler smirked, pressing his lips to Josh’s. Josh wanted to roll his eyes but instead he smiled fondly against Tyler’s lips. It was secretly his favourite thing, how Tyler always wanted to kiss, how he would kiss Josh any chance and even when Josh pulled away he’d chase him, clingy, but in the best way, Josh knew he still respected his boundaries and if he said no Tyler would stop.

“I’ll ask my mom.” Josh resolved when Tyler finally pulled away. Tyler smiled widely before cupping Josh’s cheek and pulling him back in for a kiss.

They were interrupted by Josh’s sister walking over. The pair pulled apart but she barely looked up from her phone.

“Oh no carry on.” She smiled, looking up before gesturing for Josh to unlock the doors, which he did with a scoff.

“See you later?” Tyler laughed, pecking Josh on the lips as a drawn out goodbye before slipping away to get to his own car and find his siblings.

Josh couldn’t wipe the smile off his face, even when his brother asked his sister with a look of disgust if he was okay.

“He’s fine, love just makes people look dumb.” She teased and Josh playfully shoved her. The smile remained on his face right up until he walked into his house, the sight that met him causing the corners of his mouth to finally drop.


	33. senior year - part three

"DONT BLUE SHELL ME YOU DICK!" Brendon screamed causing Tyler to laugh heartily as Brendon was hit by his blue shell, pushing him back four places in the Mario kart race.

Tyler crossed the finish line and everyone cheered loudly. Mark letting out a burp and making everyone laugh.

"Ew, dude." Tyler laughed getting up to let Mark swap in. He checked his phone and froze when he saw Josh had text him.

**josh:**

_can u come here  
i need you _

_pls_

"Uh, guys, I-I have to go so like just play each other and then maybe later this week I’ll play everyone?" Tyler said and everyone looked up at him confused, Michael and Mark immediately returned to their race however.

"is everything okay?" Zack asked and Tyler gave him a weak smile.

"Hopefully." He said before leaving to get his shoes and keys and get into his car.

**Tyler:**

_I’m coming  
hang in there baby_

...

Josh felt numb, he didn't feel alive, like he was going to stop existing any minute and the world had already forgotten him.

He stared into the same spot on the wall until his eyes burned but he barely blinked.

Tyler opened the door carefully, peaking in, worried eyes finding Josh's own watery ones.

At the sight of Josh's broken expression, he crossed the room, kicking off his shoes and removing his jacket before moving onto the bed. He pulled Josh into his side and it was then he realised how cold he felt, frowning Tyler encouraged him to get under the covers with him.

Josh remained silent, clinging to Tyler and pressing his ear to Tyler’s chest so he could take in his heartbeat, letting it calm his own down.

“I love you.” Tyler said softly, pressing a kiss into Josh’s hair.

 Silence fell over the two of them again, Tyler rubbing slow circles on Josh’s back.

“My dad is missing in action.” Josh said, his voice hoarse, as though he had to fight to push the words out.

“H-he’s only missing though right not-” Tyler couldn’t bear to finish the sentence, he pulled Josh in closer.

Josh shook his head and sniffed. “They told us not to get our hopes up.”

“I’m so sorry.” Tyler said, his heart breaking for Josh.

“Abigail stop!” Ashley shouted before the bedroom door swung open. Both boys looked up to see Abigail standing in the doorway, Ashley behind her, the older of the two girls eyes were red, she’d clearly been crying. “Sorry, I tried to tell her Tyler was here.” Ashley said and Josh smiled weakly.

“It’s okay.” Josh said reaching out for his sisters. Abigail climbed behind him and immediately began sobbing into his shoulder but Josh didn’t get off Tyler, simply reach for her hand and held it.

When Ashley didn’t move from the door way, Josh let go of Abigail’s hand to reach out for her. With a weary look to Tyler she squeezed behind Abigail squishing the twelve-year-old between herself and Josh.

Tyler remained still, trying not to tear up at the sad sight, he smiled to Jordan when he appeared in the doorway, gesturing with his head for him to come in. With a sad expression Jordan climbed onto the bed, he rested his head on Abigail’s side and let Ashley reach across his shoulder to hold his hand.

There was a sniffle filled silence before someone rang the doorbell, a few minutes later Ashley’s boyfriend Andrew appeared in the doorway a worried expression on his face.

“Hey.” Tyler said, alerting the siblings to Andrew’s arrival.

“Hey.” He responded expression still etched with worry.

“Can you put on the TV?” Ashley said weakly sitting up a little and Andrew studied her broken expression before nodding, turning around to fiddle with Josh’s TV.

“Just put like, Toy Story on.” Ashley said and Andrew nodded before trying to find it in the stack of DVDs.

“Near the bottom.” Tyler added helpfully and Andrew gave him a thankful smile before finding it and putting it on.

Ashley then gestured for him to join her, pushing him to sit much like Tyler was before practically lying on top of him. They kissed briefly and he stroked her back much like Tyler had.

Tyler isn’t sure what happened but he seemed to blink and wake up more than halfway through the movie.

Josh was asleep on top of him and Jordan seemed to be watching his brother wearily. Andrew was asleep too but Ashley and Abigail were both fixated on the movie.

“Kids?” Laura Dun called out and the three awake Dun siblings turned to the door as she appeared in it. “Pizza’s here.” She said with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

Jordan and Abigail immediately began shuffling off the bed, Jordan stopping to pause the TV as Ashley roused a dazed Andrew.

Tyler waited until everyone had essentially left the room before he woke Josh, rubbing his back and shifting so he could kiss Josh awake. Josh blinked up at him.

“Pizza’s here.” Tyler said and Josh furrowed his brow, rubbing his eyes and rolling off Tyler.

Josh groaned as he stretched.

“Come on.” Tyler said, gesturing to pull Josh up off the bed. As he stood he found himself almost flush against Tyler. Tenderly Tyler closed the gap, giving him a slow drawn out kiss, when he pulled away Josh attempted a weak smile and Tyler mirrored it, pressing a kiss to Josh’s forehead before taking his hand and leading him downstairs.

As they ate their pizza Tyler realised it was later than he’d expected, he looked at his phone worriedly but was surprised his mom hadn’t frantically been calling him to ask where he was.

“I called your mom after I ordered the pizza.” Laura Dun said noticing him checking his phone.

Tyler looked up, thanking her but still confused why she would’ve done that.

“You’re staying here tonight, right?” Josh asked weakly as if reading Tyler’s confusion.

Tyler raised his eyebrows, he looked over to Mrs. Dun who was busy passing Abigail the pizza box she’d been reaching across the table for.

“Of course.” Tyler said turning back to Josh and putting a hand on his thigh, a gesture of closeness and habit rather than any ulterior motive. Josh sighed and picked up another slice of pizza, taking a bite and leaning into Tyler, resting his head on his shoulder. Tyler pressed a kiss to his forehead before reaching for another slice himself.

The next morning Josh was awoken by a soft kiss to his nose. His eyes fluttered and another kiss was placed to either of his cheeks. He hummed and shifted, laughing as kisses were peppered down his jaw and neck, causing him to scrunch up his face and finally open his eyes.

Tyler chuckled softly into his shoulder before playfully nipping at Josh’s shoulder causing Josh to gasp in surprise and shove him off playfully.

“Good morning.” Tyler hummed, a shit eating grin spreading across his face but Josh just scowled. “You’re adorable.” Tyler said and Josh blushed in surprise, making Tyler chuckle again.

Tyler kissed Josh again slowly before Josh pulled back.

“I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.” He said in warning and Tyler smiled, shaking his head.

“I don’t mind, I have to go home to change for school, just wanted to have a moment with you before I go.” He explained, stroking his thumbs across Josh’s hips.

Josh smiled, blushing again and biting his lip. He tilted his head forward so their foreheads were pressed together, soaking in the warm moment.

“I love you.”

“I love you too Josh.” Tyler said, kissing his nose again. “Do you want me to pick you up for school in a bit or are you gonna stay home with your mom?”

Josh let out a heavy breath through his nose, looking down as the reminder of yesterday’s terrible news soaked back in. After a silence, Josh pulled Tyler closer to him, causing the younger to raise an eyebrow.

“I’ll come, if I stay home I’ll overthink everything.” He explained and Tyler nodded.

“Okay I’ll be back in an hour or so?” Tyler asked and Josh nodded, cupping the back of Tyler’s neck to connect their lips in a drawn-out kiss. With a few brief pecks and a reluctant groan Tyler slipped out of the bed and began redressing in his clothes from the night before.

“See ya.” He smiled, bending down to kiss Josh’s forehead. As he pulled away Josh latched onto his hand, the two holding on until Tyler was too far away and the connection broke, both boys still reaching out for one another even as Tyler was stepping out the door.

As soon as the door shut behind him, Josh let his arm flop down beside him, rolling over and burying his nose into the pillow Tyler had slept on, letting the warmth of his duvet and the smell of Tyler’s shampoo lull him back to sleep for a couple extra minutes until his alarm would go off.


	34. senior year - part four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tiny bit of smut in this?? oops?

Josh blinked at his reflection in the mirror, the buzzing of the razor behind him startled him back from his thoughts and he turned to look at Tyler’s blank expression. 

Josh let his eyes focus on the electric razor in his boyfriend’s hand, his mind racing a mile a minute. Tyler watched him, keeping still as though cornering a wounded animal and any sudden move would spook him.

“Josh,” Tyler said cautiously, clicking the razor off and causing Josh to flinch and look at him. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Josh couldn’t speak he simply nodded and turned around, moving to sit on the closed toilet lid. Tyler fixed him with a concerned look again before turning the razor back on and heading over to him. 

Just before he could put the razor to Josh’s head, he hesitated. 

“Do it.” Josh rasped out, taking a shaky breath. Tyler looking at him but Josh refused to look up, instead he gently wrapped his hand around Tyler’s wrist and guided it to his hair. Tyler didn’t shake him off but he did take control and shaved a stripe across the top of Josh’s head. 

Josh took a deep breath as he felt the frazzled, dye ruined curls fall off his head and drop onto the floor around him. When most of the top was shaved, Tyler gestured for Josh to stand up so he could do the back and sides easier. As Josh stared at his reflection a small tear fell from down his cheek but he felt relieved. Like he was shedding emotional baggage through every dead curl. 

When his head was fully shaved, he took a breath and relaxed his shoulders. Before he could even react fully he realised the shaver hadn’t turned off yet. Confused he turned in time to see Tyler run the razor through his own thick tufts of hair. 

Tyler chuckled when he saw the look of awe of Josh’s face. 

“What, you didn’t think I’d let you do it alone did you?” He teased, quickly working on his own hair quickly. Josh spent the time running his hands over his fuzzy head, relishing the giddy excitement that begun filling up the pit of his stomach. 

He was grinning ear to ear when Tyler finally finished. Tyler looked up once he’d put the razor down and broke out into a smile as their eyes met. 

Tyler put a hand on the back of Josh’s neck, rubbing the fuzzy hair there in tiny circles. Josh shivered at the sensation biting back his grin. 

Josh reached out, clasping Tyler’s head between his hands and pulling his head close until their lips crashed together in a hard kiss. 

“Ya know they say you should shower after a haircut.” Tyler said against Josh’s lips, between rough desperate kisses. 

“Yeah?” Josh asked pulling back a little but Tyler instantly chased his lips. Josh decided that he’d take time to get used to not being able to pull on Tyler’s hair anymore, he made a disgruntled sound but Tyler didn’t pay attention instead he breathed out a response to Josh’s question. 

“Yeah. You wanna?” He asked, both breathing heavy. 

Josh matched Tyler’s smirk, instantly pulling Tyler’s shirt off him. “Why do you think I locked the door?” He said arching a brow and Tyler shook his head with a laugh. 

Tyler instantly grabbed for Josh’s shirt and pulled it up and off. The shirt was barely over Josh’s head before their lips where reattaching. Tyler’s tongue swiping across Josh’s lower lip. The pair stumbled back, Josh’s nails ran across Tyler’s hips as he pulled him closer, until Josh’s back hit the shower wall. The two laughed as their fingers fumbled on jeans as they tried to strip each other too fast. Interrupting their hot kisses to laugh or help the other out. 

When they were finally stripped down Josh reached a hand out to try and find the faucet but couldn’t reach. With a laugh and slower pecks to Josh’s lips Tyler reached out and turned the shower on. 

Both boys jumped as cold water hit them. Laughing giddily, they took a second to catch their breaths, while they waited for the water to heat up. As soon as it was warm enough Josh pulled Tyler’s wrists as he stepped back into the stream. Tyler followed until they were almost chest to chest, water barely touched him as Josh blocked most of it but he didn’t mind. 

Their noses brushed together softly and Josh sighed with content, studying Tyler through hooded eyes. 

“You’re so beautiful.” Josh breathed out and Tyler looked down, blushing. He shook his head and reached for a bottle of shampoo, pouring some out and began massaging it over Josh’s scalp. “What? You don’t believe me.” Josh said, moving his head so that Tyler would look at him. Tyler fixed him with a pointed look and pushed his head back into the stream. 

“I think you’re full of it.” Tyler replied, voice like velvet and Josh shivered, most likely due to the soapy water now cascading down his spine. 

Josh was quick to move Tyler around, pushing him up against the wall so the water could reach him. He guided Tyler’s shampoo covered hands to his own head seeing as there was enough left on them for his equally bald head. 

Instead Josh kissed along Tyler’s jaw. He waited for Tyler to rinse off before he began kissing him again. This time with more purpose. 

“What are you doing?” Tyler hummed teasingly. 

“Making sure you know I’m telling the truth.” Josh replied, nipping at his skin. Before Tyler could say anything, Josh dropped to his knees, ghosting kisses across Tyler’s hip before moving lower and swallowing him whole. 

He took Tyler apart until Tyler was gasping, pressing himself into the wall just to stay upright. Tyler thought he would pass out as he came hard and he slid down the wall until he was level with Josh. 

Tyler tried as hard as he could to get his breath back, looking at Josh with pure awe. 

“Y-you’re way too good at that.” He tried to be playful but he was too out of breath. 

Josh grinned and pushed in to kiss him. Tyler ignored the taste on Josh’s tongue in favour of pulling Josh ever closer. He took Josh’s own length into his hand and brought him to the edge. 

Josh moaned against Tyler’s mouth, pushing their foreheads together as his breathing grew more laboured. He cried out but muffled it into Tyler’s shoulder as he climaxed. 

“I love you.” Josh squeaked, unable to speak. 

“I love you too.” Tyler chuckled softly kissing Josh slow and sweet savouring it. 

After a minute or two to recover they got up, washing down their bodies before stepping out. Tyler shook off his clothes to remove any hairs and quickly towelled himself down and re-dressed. Josh used a dustpan and brush and collected any hair on the floor and put it into the trash while he did so. Then he went into his bedroom to change. 

Tyler caught him staring at himself in the mirror, folding his arms and leaning into the doorframe. 

“That’s gonna take some getting used to.” He said and Josh flinched away from the mirror in embarrassment at being caught. 

“It feels weird. But I needed this.” Josh said as he reached for one of his caps and put it on. 

Tyler walked over to him and gently pulled the cap off again. “Don’t hide it. People deserve to see your face.” 

Josh rolled his eyes playfully and slung his arms around Tyler’s shoulders. “Now who’s full of it?”

Tyler pretended to think the question over for a second before responding. “Still you.”

“Shut up.” Josh replied playfully before kissing him again. When they pulled away Josh hugged Tyler closer. 

They stayed like that for a long time before Tyler spoke up. 

“It’s gonna be okay Josh.”

“Promise?” Josh asked quietly. 

“Promise.” Tyler said, kissing Josh’s temple and pulling him closer again, burying his nose into Josh’s shoulder. And for the moment, Josh believed he was right, maybe life would be okay again eventually. Maybe even soon. One thing he knew for sure though, was that Tyler would always be there, and that’s all that mattered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kinda a filler because its been so long and i havent written this in ages im too rusty
> 
> sorry for taking so long to update, i kinda lost my will to live
> 
> i dont know what im doing with my life rn and honestly i just kinda dont know what im doing anymore lmao
> 
> anyways i hope you have a wonderful day thanks for the support and love and kudos!! ily guys!!


	35. senior year - part five

“Star Wars is better than Star Trek.” Mark said as he placed his tray down at the cafeteria table, causing Nick to shake his head as he, too, took a seat.

“That’s literally not true at all and you know it.” He huffed. The two continued to bicker as Hayley and Jenna slid onto the bench on either side of them.

“Josh, help me out here?” Mark begged looking across the table to where Josh was looking at his math homework sheet.

“Hm?” He asked and Tyler looked up from where he was sat, with Josh practically in his lap, legs bracketing Josh on either side, doing the same math homework over Josh’s shoulder.

“Star Wars or Star Trek?” Mark asked looking hopefully between them both.

Both teens replied at the same time.

“Star Wars.” “Star Trek.” They looked at one another and shook their heads, laughing it off instead of bickering like Nick and Mark were still doing.

Tyler pulled Josh closer, his non-writing hand resting on Josh’s stomach. The feeling of his fingers shifting made butterflies erupt in Josh’s stomach and he twitched, unable to concentrate on his math problems.

After a minute or two Josh grabbed Tyler’s hand and moved it away, lacing their fingers together and placing their joined hands onto the table instead. Tyler looked at him confused and Josh twisted so he could whisper to him without everyone else hearing, his cheeks bright pink.

“Your hand was too close to uh, something and I was getting kinda flustered.”

Tyler stifled a laugh and pressed a kiss to Josh’s nose. “Would you rather I put my hands here instead?” He teased. Putting his pencil down and letting his hand slide up the inside of Josh’s thigh. Josh gasped loudly and immediately pulled his hand away.

“Stop it.” He said playfully smacking Tyler’s arm before turning back to his work as Tyler laughed at how red he’d gone.

“I’m sorry.” He said before kissing Josh’s neck slowly and then resting his chin on his shoulder. Picking up his pencil and finishing his math homework. His thumb brushed across Josh’s knuckles where their other hands stayed locked together.

When Tyler saw Josh chewing on his pencil he glanced over to look at which question he was on.

“Divide the whole thing by x.” He said lowly in Josh’s ear so as not to embarrass him, as everyone else at their table had gone relatively silent. The star wars/trek debate had ended with an “agree to disagree”.

Josh blushed and nodded, before carrying on with the homework. Tyler only took a few more minutes to complete his before he turned his attention to the lunch tray he and Josh had piled with food to share. He opened a bag of chips and began trying to feed Josh.

“Literally why are you like this?” Mark said with an expression of mixed disgusted and bafflement. Tyler flicked him an innocent look before stuffing chips into his own mouth.

Jenna rolled her eyes and gave Hayley a look across the table, causing her to laugh.

Josh laughed as he tried to recoil from where Tyler was trying to force more chips into his mouth. Mark was about to complain again but Ashley bounded over to their table, practically vibrating with excitement.

“Someone’s happy?” Hayley commented and Ashley grinned widely.

“Guess who just got accepted to NYU.” She practically squealed and Hayley instantly gasped and pulled her into a hug, the whole table breaking out into cheers having known that was her first-choice school.

“That’s amazing Ashley!” Josh said, wiping crumbs off his chin and chest before reaching over to high five her across the table. Everyone breaking out into excited chatter about her good news and whether they expected to hear from their choice of schools soon or not. Josh was quick to get back to his math homework as the conversation veered this way.

... 

When lunch ended, everyone began filtering off to their classes, Josh let his fingers tangle with Tyler’s as they walked to his locker.

As Josh began pulling books out of his locker. Tyler waited patiently pressed against the lockers beside him.

“Stop looking at me like that.” Josh blushed not turning to look at where Tyler was watching him with a wistful, almost goofy smile.

“Like what?” Tyler asked tilting his head and Josh felt the butterflies come back. He wasn’t sure how after years of being around him that he could still melt into a puddle just from the littlest of things.

Josh opened his mouth to reply but someone called out Tyler’s name from behind him, distracting them both.

“Hey Ty, thanks for the notes you literally saved my ass.” Someone said heading over to them. She brushed a stray brown hair off her face and held out some slightly rumpled notes that Tyler took with a wide smile.

“Sure, Terri, no problem.” Tyler said, getting a nod in response.

“Well I’m late for history so I’ll see you around!” She chirped before walking off but not before she turned around to call out something else to him. “Also congrats on Otterbein dude, you’re gonna have such a great time!”

Terri disappeared into the steady flow of students that was slowly filtering out of the corridor and into their necessary classrooms leave Tyler frozen in place, clutching the notes tight to his chest.

“Wait what?” Josh asked breaking the looming silence. Tyler swallowed thickly before blinking back his suddenly sombre expression. Forcing a neutral expression instead as he hiked up his backpack and started walking to class.

Brow furrowed in confusion, Josh pulled him back by his sleeve but Tyler only froze refusing to turn and look at him.  

“Come on we’re gonna be late.” Tyler said, voice hoarse.

“What did Terri mean by ‘congrats on Otterbein’? Is there something you’re not telling me?” Josh asked and Tyler went pale, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. Finally, he turned to look at Josh but his expression was still one of fear and anxiety. Josh frowned.

“Can we talk about this after school?” He asked, scratching the back of his neck and looking everywhere but at Josh.

Josh didn’t seem to have a choice when the bell rang out and Tyler began walking again, hurrying through the now almost entirely empty hallway to get to class.

Josh shut his locker and hurried after him, but he didn’t catch up, noticing Tyler avoided eye contact as he took his seat.

Their last class of the day wasn’t one they had together and Josh had to take his siblings straight home from school so he didn’t see Tyler except for when they briefly make eye contact across the parking lot. Tyler hesitated before getting into his car causing Josh to sigh and get into his own car.

“I don’t understand what’s going on, why wasn’t I allowed to know?” Josh said squishing the phone between his cheek and his shoulder to free up his hands so he can sort out his laundry. Hayley hummed in thought for a second down the line.

“Well, you are the only one of us who isn’t going to college right, he probably just didn’t want to make you feel bad or something. I mean going to college is one thing but a full ride scholarship is kinda something else.”

“A full ri- He got a full ride to-to Otterbein?” Josh said, dropping his dirty socks in slow realisation. He held the phone to his ear with shaking hands.

“Wait you didn’t know?! But you said- oh fuck, I’m so sorry Josh, he should’ve been the one to tell you that.” Hayley said.

Josh shook his head before remembering she couldn’t see him. “No it’s-it’s okay. Who else knows about this?” He begged her not to say everyone but him even though the dread in his stomach told him to expect it. As Hayley began to reply he got a text, he read the banner as it appeared over the call screen.

“Michael and Mark were there when it happened, they brought it up in front of me and Jenna but Josh, he-”

“Hayley I have to go.” Josh said staring at the message, “Sorry.” He said quickly cutting off Hayley’s protests as he hung up. He walked to his bedroom window to see Tyler’s car parked out front. He checked the message again a second and third coming through.

_Ty_

_I’m outside your house. Are you free to talk?_

_It’s not anything about you I promise, that sounded really anxiety inducing and I didn’t mean to scare you. I love you._

_I keep fucking this up. It’s about earlier I just want to explain._

 

Josh locked his phone and pulled on some shoes. He checked his jacket pockets for his essentials and headed out the house. With a deep breath, he opened the car door and slid into the passenger seat.

“Josh I’m so-”

“You could’ve told me.” Josh beat him to it, finally making eye contact. “Did you think I wouldn’t be happy for you or something?” Josh asked guiltily.

“No!” Tyler said quickly, taking Josh’s hands in his. “No of course not, not at all.” He sighed and rubbed his eyes before latching their fingers together again. “It’s me who isn’t happy about it.”

Josh looked at him then, concerned eyes searching Tyler’s for an explanation. He squeezed their hands in silent support to keep going.

“I- They offered me a full scholarship to play Basketball with them and my mom won’t stop telling everyone how proud she is but” Tyler looked anywhere but at Josh. “What if I don’t want to just play basketball for the rest of my life?”

“Ty if you’re not happy, then don’t force yourself to go through with it. I know that it’s free and it’s what your mom wants but what you want is more important. You’re not gonna want to spend years of your life miserable and I don’t want you to be either.” Josh said pulling Tyler in for a hug even though it was awkward over the console.

“But it’d be so perfect. I wouldn’t have to pay. I would still get to be here in Columbus with you and I would get a career at the end of it, potentially. So many kids would kill for this offer. Isn’t it selfish to reject it?”

“Ty, you could move to literally anywhere in the world -Thailand, Australia, the Arctic- and I would still be so madly in love with you, you’d probably still feel it from there. You don’t have to stay in Columbus for me or your family, if you don’t _want_ to. As for basketball if that’s not what you want to do for the rest of your life or whatever, then you’re not going to be wanting to play it, let alone wanting to commit to keeping your grades up and studying just so you can _keep_ playing it. You’re allowed to change your mind, it’s your life and your mom will understand that, everyone will.”

Tyler nodded and buried his head into Josh’s shoulder, holding him closer as he mumbled a “don’t deserve you” into the fabric of Josh’s jacket.

“You do too, now can we take this inside? I want to cuddle you properly and this car just isn’t doing it for me.” Josh laughed pulling away.

“That’s not what you’ve said before.” Tyler replied, back to his cocky humorous self.

Josh blushed and rolled his eyes. “Yeah well, those times we weren’t parked outside my house, with no reason not to go inside.”

Tyler shrugged and both boys got out of the car, Tyler letting Josh guide him, by the hand, inside and into his room.

Tyler instantly wrapped his arms around Josh’s waist, picking him up and throwing them both down onto the bed with a yelp of surprise from Josh.

Josh scowled but Tyler kissed sloppily all over his neck, causing him to laugh and weakly try to push him off. Tyler blew a raspberry into his neck before moving back, shuffling so they were cuddling more efficiently. One of Josh’s legs wrapped around his hip, and Josh’s fingers ran over the slowly growing fuzz of hair on Tyler’s head as he pressed their foreheads together. Tyler’s fingers wound tight into the fabric of Josh’s t-shirt as they rested under layers of clothing.

They soaked up the moment, Josh almost falling asleep in the peaceful warmth that had settled over them both.

“I don’t want to go to college if it’s away from you, and maybe that’s selfish but, I know I’ll be miserable if you’re not there to cuddle.” Tyler said quietly, but it was deafening in the silence around them. Slowly Josh blinked open, pressing a soft kiss to Tyler’s mouth.

“I’d miss cuddling you too.”

“Do you think, one day, that you’d let me marry you?” Tyler asked, eyes hopeful as he watched Josh with that same goofy awe that he’d done earlier that day.

Josh’s heart skipped as he bit his lip and nodded. “I wouldn’t just let you, I’d actively encourage you to.” He said and Tyler broke out into a beaming smile, letting Josh crash their lips together.

Josh got swept up in it, letting Tyler pull him on top of him. He couldn’t stop smiling against Tyler’s mouth and Tyler laughed, having to finally pull away because they couldn’t kiss properly anymore. They laughed and pressed their foreheads together as Tyler hand slid down to rest on Josh’s ass, pulling him closer. Josh gasped and Tyler bit his lip to stifle his laugh.

“I’ll never get tired of you doing that, it’s adorable.” He said, teeth nipping at Josh’s nose so he scrunched it up. “That too.” He added and Josh knew his whole body was probably red right now.

“Hate you.” Josh said with no malice whatsoever, pouting. Tyler pushed the tip of Josh’s nose up with his own playfully.

“You love it.”

“I love _you_.” Josh said, and Tyler laughed, throwing his head back.

“Well that wasn’t hard to change your mind.”

Josh chuckled too, as they gazed into each other’s eyes for a bit.

“This is what I want.” Tyler said after a while, when Josh had rested his head onto Tyler’s shoulder, relaxing and almost falling asleep again.

“Hm?”

“I want to go to college near you.” Tyler said stroking his hand up and down Josh’s spine.

Josh pressed his nose into Tyler’s neck, sleepily. “Good, because I was lying when I said I’d be okay with you moving to the artic.” He mumbled, soft breaths brushing across Tyler’s neck.

Happiness bubbled up in Tyler’s chest as it always did when Josh breathed in his general direction. For some reason, he remembered the summer of freshman year, when he’d woken up with Josh lay on his front drooling slightly on the pillow, when he’d felt safe. Just like when they’d first slept together, Tyler reached a hand up to gently brush a finger along Josh’s jaw. He couldn’t wait for Josh’s hair to grow out so he could thread his fingers through his adorable soft curls. But in the meantime he delicately traced the lines of Josh’s face, Josh shivered and shuffled closer to his boyfriend, nose twitching slightly.

“Tickles.” Josh mumbled out, fist weakly tightening in Tyler’s shirt.

“Just making sure you’re real.” Tyler smiled and Josh shushed him, shifting so some of his weight was no longer crushing Tyler, his face now hidden in the crook of his neck.

Tyler pressed a lingering kiss to Josh’s forehead.

“I’ll help you talk to your mom if you want.” Josh mumbled out, and Tyler blinked before remembering what had started this cuddle session in the first place.

“Later, baby. This is more important.” Tyler replied softly, his whole body relaxing as he wrapped around Josh. Josh’s mouth twitched into a smile at the nickname and it didn’t take long for the two to fall asleep. Napping until dinner time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Terri is an oc, they won't appear again))
> 
> sorry i took so long to update, but there's no better motivation than procrastination tbh. 
> 
> i miss your comments they really got me through the day.
> 
> i hope y'all are doing okay and having a good day. i love you.


	36. senior year - part six

“Pleeeaaseee Mark, pretty please? For me?” Jenna whined following behind Mark closely as he sat at their usual lunch table.

Mark let out a defeated groan. “Fine.”

Jenna squealed and shook his arm excitedly, repeating her thanks over and over until Mark told her to get off him already.

Josh watched the exchange with confusion as Jenna scurried off to grab her own lunch. “What was that about?”

“She wants me to help her with yearbook committee, taking photos and stuff.” Mark grumbled, resting his head on his hand.

Josh grimaced. “Good luck with that.”

“Thanks.” Mark huffed, before angrily biting into his apple.

Before Josh could respond he was grabbed from behind making him jump. He turned to see Tyler sliding in beside him, one hand looping around his waist and pulling him close so he could press sloppy kisses onto his cheek. Josh scrunched up his face and pushed him off playfully. “You scared me.”

“I’m sorry baby. Can I make it up to you with this?” He said casually as he pulled a ticket out of his pocket.

Josh looked at it confused, carefully taking it and reading it. When he looked up Tyler was grinning widely at him, waiting for an answer.

“Ty?” Josh asked, and Tyler was quick to hold out his own ticket.

“You’re gonna be my date, right?”

“Yes, of course!” Josh was quick to say, a giddy feeling in his stomach. “But, you didn’t need to buy my ticket, I could’ve done it.” He said and Tyler shook his head. He pulled Josh in by his cheeks and kissed him softly.

Mark made a noise of disgust, but they ignored him.

“I wanted to buy it for you, this is our last prom before we graduate it has to be special. I was gonna do one of those proposal thingies but after helping Brendon with his I realised that was probably overkill.” Tyler replied casually, waving a dismissive hand and turning back to his food to begin eating.

Josh watched him lovingly for a minute before shifting right up next to him and wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Tyler smiled at him and Josh let his eyes linger on Tyler’s lips for a second before he pressed their lips together firmly, cementing their affection.

“Put him down Josh, you don’t know where he’s been.” Ashley said as she sat down at the table. Josh finally pulled away from Tyler, blushing but they let their foreheads rest together as they chuckled at the interruption.

“Why do you have chunks of glitter in your hair?” Mark asked Ashley, picking out a gold star-shaped piece of glitter and examining it.

Ashley blushed and brushed her hands through her hair to get rid of it. “Oh, uh, no reason.”

All three guys stared her down until she finally caved. She couldn’t contain her smile. “If you must know, Gerald asked me to prom just now.”

“What did he do, throw confetti at you and demand you go with him?” Mark snorted and Josh kicked him under the table.

“Actually, he put the question and some glitter inside a balloon and made me pop it… it was more romantic than it sounds, okay?” She dismissed and Tyler and Mark tried to hide their laughs. Josh lightly smacked Tyler upside the head.

“Don’t be rude, Mr. ‘Promposals-are-too-much-hassle’.” Josh berated and Tyler pouted, sticking his bottom lip out. Josh gave him a look and put his hand over Tyler’s mouth. “No fair, you know that’s adorable.” Josh said pushing their forehead’s together and Tyler blinked at him innocently.

“You guys literally make me sick.” Brendon teased as he sat at the table, Hayley, and Colin with him. A few seconds later Jenna and Sarah joining too.

Josh rolled his eyes at Brendon’s statement but let go of Tyler in order to go back to eating his lunch.

“Ty, are you coming to study group later?” Jenna asked and Tyler shook his head.

“Coach has extra practice, but Josh will gimme the notes.” Tyler said smiling at his boyfriend who nodded.

“How many days ‘til the big game now?” Brendon asked as he sipped his soda.

“Thirty two.” Mark grumbled.

“Only twenty days before finals then.” Hayley added, making everyone at the table groan loudly.

“Does anyone else feel like their life is going too fast?” Mark asked and everyone agreed.

“Honestly if Nick’s end of year party isn’t the best party I’ve ever been to in my sad pathetic high school life then I’m offing myself.” Brendon scoffed. Josh scowled at him.

“First of all, that’s _not_ a funny joke. Second of all, your high school life, by far, has been the easiest out of most of us here.” Josh snapped and Brendon opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water.

“Sorry.” He mumbled and Sarah pressed a kiss to his cheek in reassurance.

“It’s fine, asshole.” Josh said fondly with a wink, letting Brendon know it was already forgotten. He smiled back and everyone awkwardly waited for someone to change the subject.

“Why is there glitter in your hair?” Hayley asked Ashley with her nose crinkled in confusion, Tyler and Mark immediately started laughing.

Josh tried not to laugh too as Tyler wrapped his arms around his waist, burying his face into his shoulder to hide his giggles as Ashley filled her friends in.

***

“I’ll meet you here after practice.” Tyler said, smiling against Josh’s lips.

Josh nodded and kissed him again before pulling away. As he began walking Tyler pulled him back by their still joined hands. He kissed him tenderly one more time with a smirk, before letting their hands slip from another as he walked away.

Josh laughed and shook his head.

“I miss you already.” He called out, smile widening when Tyler laughed heartily. He waved his hand without turning around.

“You’ll get over it.” He teased back. Josh poked his tongue out at his back before turning and heading to his study group.

He got all of five minutes into the group session before his phone distracted him. He was expecting it to be Tyler and he prepared for the on-coming eye roll when instead he saw frantic texts from his sister and mother.

**Momma**

_Joshua. where are you?_

_I need you home asap._

_I am coming to collect you, be waiting out front plz._

**Apple pie**

_Mom’s coming to pick you up!_

_ANSWER YOUR PHONE._

_CHECK YOUR DAMN MESSAGES DICK._

Josh cursed, causing everyone to look up from their desk. He immediately began stuffing his things back into his backpack frantically.

“I have to go sorry.” He said before almost tripping over his chair in his haste. He practically ran out of the library.

He got half-way to the main entrance before someone calling out for him made him stop. He looked back to see Jenna jogging to catch up.

“You dropped half your backpack.” She gasped out handing over a notebook, pencils and a few pages of notes.

“Sorry.” He said slapping his forehead, he took them and stuffed them into it, letting Jenna zip the bag for him.

“Is everything okay?” She asked and Josh shrugged.

“My mom is coming to get me, it seems urgent, I have to go.” He suddenly remembered and Jenna nodded. She reached up to kiss his cheek.

“Whatever it is, I hope it’s going to be okay for you.” She said with a soft smile. “I’ll make notes for you and Ty, now go.” She said and Josh thanked her again before turning and running towards the doors.

When he got outside he was just in time to see his mom pull into the parking lot.

He climbed in the front seat. Jordan was sat in the very back row, a load of bags stacked beside him. Ashley was in the middle row leaning against the window, texting and Abigail was already passed out beside her.

“What’s going on?” Josh asked, scanning his siblings and turning to his mom.

“Put your seatbelt on.” She said and Josh did as he was told.

“Where are we going?” He asked but no one answered, Jordan shrugged clueless and Ashley straight up ignored him.

Their mom refused to do anything other than focus on driving. It was then that Josh realised they weren’t heading home at all, they were heading for the interstate instead.

“Mom, where are you taking us?”

Silence.

“You’re scaring mom, would you just answer me?” He said again, an edge to his voice.

“You have to see for yourself, just let me concentrate on driving.” She snipped and Josh swallowed hard.

He watched the world go by for almost an hour, at some point plugging in his headphones and trying to drown out his anxiety. Before he realised it, his phone was on 3% and he hadn’t text Tyler.

**Tyler**

_Josh??_

_Where are you?_

_I’m starting to worry now??_

_Jenna said you left, are you okay_

_Josh?????_

Josh began typing out his explanation, trying to apologise as fast as possible but before he could hit send his phone died. He had to stop himself from cursing loudly.

“Ash I need to borrow your phone.” He said urgently, turning around. She scoffed at him.

“No.”

“It’s urgent, mine died.”

“I’m busy.” She snipped and he considered lunging for the phone. But she was better left alone when she was in one of these moods.

“Use mine Joshua.” His mother said, eyes fixed on the road as she fumbled for her phone from the centre console.

“Thanks. Ash can you please give me Tyler’s number at least?” He tried a softer tone, she grunted.

“Would’ve thought you’d have it memorised by now.” She teased and he scowled about you yell at her when the phone in his hand buzzed.

He looked down to see Ashley had text the number over. “Really?”

She looked up. “What?”

“I’m sat right here.”

“I was doing you a favour genius now you just have to click on it.”

Josh went to snap back but he realised she had a point and instead shut his mouth and turned around again.

He gave himself a second to seethe before opening the text and dialing Tyler.

“Hello?”

“It’s Josh, my phone died.”

“Whose phone are you using? Where are you?” Tyler asked, audibly confused.

“My mom’s. Sorry, something came up.” Josh mumbled, fiddling with a loose thread in his shirt.

“I’m just glad you’re safe. Are you at home?” Tyler let out a relieved, nervous laugh.

“No we’re driving somewhere.”

“Oh, okay well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at school then?” He sounded a little dejected and Josh blushed at the thought that they really sucked at spending more than two minutes apart, their friends were right to mock them.

“I’m not sure yet. I’ll talk to you later?” Josh offered.

“Okay. I love you Josh.”

Josh covered his smile with his hand, embarrassed. With a nervous glance at his mother he cupped the phone closer to muffle his words, speaking lowly. “Love you too.”

Tyler laughed before hanging up.

“Gross.” Jordan muttered from the back and Josh whipped around to poke his tongue out at him.

Jordan instantly mirrored the gesture.

“Behave.” Laura berated her children, but she was smiling.

“How much longer?” Ashley asked, obviously taking the opportunity while their mom was in the mood for talking.

“A few more hours. We’ll stop for gas soon.” She said, sighing and gripping the wheel tighter.

Josh and Ashley gave each other wary glances but didn’t say anything else. Their mom hadn’t been the same since the news about their father, and an unexplained last minute road trip wasn’t exactly seeming like the most stable of behaviour, they were worried to say the least.


End file.
